IZ Shot Candles were made for Valentine’s Day… Perfect for the lascivious lover on your list. Hot, sexy, dripping, wet wax… what more could we want on V-day?! Make the recipe at home and do cocktail body shots at the same time for twice the fun. Just call me Dr. Ruth.

Email Info@IntoxicatedZodiac.com for wholesale info. Available for viewing or buying online here.

“STAY OR GO? TWO TAURUSES ALWAYS STAY” BY, DIRTY LOTUS

There comes a time in every single girl’s life when she has to make that age-old decision; stay or go. Does she GO out with the man in question, whom she may have been dating…let’s say…a few weeks? Traipse about in the wet rainy Houston eve, getting her Ralph Laurens soaked, so they can sit in some fattening little café sipping wine and exchanging banter? Banter that let’s face it- is really just verbal foreplay at this point? Or, does she opt for a different route and STAY; exchanging that same witty conversation over a nice drink, right there in the comfort of her quaint little single girl’s apartment.

Well, I chose option B last Saturday night; when my latest male conquest asked me if I wanted to get together. I thought the rain would be the perfect excuse to stay in. I was just a little California girl who didn’t know the proper Texas rainstorm etiquette. He was a lonely Detroit boy, lost in a sea of suburban developments and Whata-Burger food chains. So when I timidly suggested we stay in for the evening, he pretended to timidly agree.

To make the evening even more entertaining, Mr. Detroit and I were two of a kind. Taurus’s that is, 5 days apart (me, May 17th and he, the 12th). My only experience with the male Taurus species had been a few friends in college and an old neighbor of mine. I could never get passed the clone-like ridged disposition and the blatant sexual energy. Basically, they were way too much like…ME! But Mr. Detroit was different, laid back and not stubborn at all. In fact the only thing, in my humble opinion, that qualified him entitlement of the Taurus name was the fact that he was unequivocally the depiction of walking sex; tall, dark, chiseled and extremely handsome.

There I was rummaging through my closet trying to decide if I should wear an entire outfit or just throw on something casual. I finally decided to wear my favorite red strapless cotton vintage dress and touch up my toe nail polish. “There” I told my mirrored image, “You look pretty damn good.”

Later that evening Mr. Detroit and I sat on the couch sipping Sailor Jerry’s rum, Dole pineapple juice, with a slice of lemon on ice. We clinked our glasses together and sipped sloooowly. Jill Scott and Kings of Leon poured out of my stereo and we started to have the kind of conversation that isn’t’ trying to be anything but a conversation. We lent our inhibitions to the wind and relaxed long enough to genuinely enjoying ourselves; me and my abrasive sexual energy melted into demure flirtation, and he came into his Taruocity long enough to share his opinions. Three glasses of rum later and…

…Well, none of your business. (©2009 dirty lotus)

SAILOR JERRY & PINEAPPLE
1.0 splash Lemon juice
0.75 oz Pineapple
1.5 oz light Rum
Directions: shake, strain into cocktail glass

want more dirty lotus? visit her at I SAY HELLA, or just stay tuned to IZ.

When you dig deep enough you find all sorts of astrological correspondences associated with different mystic schools of thoughts. From the twelve paths in the Jewish Kabbalah to tarot cards associated with each of the signs, astrology is everywhere. Practicing my own form of mysticism I’d like to propose just one more, that of the mystic art of Jell-O Shots. Now before you laugh, this system is a very carefully thought out, taking all of ten minutes, like most good pop spiritualism. It is based on the Jell-O system of colors and flavors and the propensity of each astrological sign to enjoy them.

There is a wealth of information on the Internet on how to create Jell-o shots, from actual recipes to recommendations to containers, so I won’t bore you with the details here. Seeing that there is only one good way to down a Jell-O shot, straight up, with a sharp intake of breath, it is also appropriate to do so in a meditative state, full of the awareness of the stuff of life, while reciting your particular mantra for the experience. So mix up your iconic flavor and follow me to the path of true enlightenment, or at least a good time, now that you have the appropriate guide.

Aries–Full of fire and energy, your color is red, your flavor strawberry, reminding you of the innocence of your youth and that awful strawberry wine you used to down while trying to woo the women or when the men tried to woo you. Meditation: Slow down and pay attention and you may reduce the number of accidents you experience. You just may lower of your insurance bill as well.


Taurus-For sensual Taurus, there just isn’t the right Jell-O flavor as unfortunately there is no chocolate jell, only Jell-O pudding, which does poorly as a Jell-O shot. However, with a little extra patience, with which you abound, and creativity, you can mix up clear gelatin and amaretto for a perfectly delightful Jell-O shot experience. Meditation: Why do the best things in life come with such a high price tag and when is there a sale?


Gemini–For the twins there are two options, lemon or lime, these corresponding to the two most prolific colors in your personal color pallet. Yes, Gemini, your wardrobe is just as talkative as you are, to the everlasting amusement of the people you know. Case in point, Hillary Clinton has Uranus in Gemini sitting on her Ascendant. She has this absolutely hideous yellow suit she insists on wearing. Some people just shouldn’t dress themselves and this might include you. That hardly matters to you as you are just in it for the good time anyway, Gemini. Meditation: Why do people think I talk too much? And why won’t they tell me about it?


Cancer–No one deserves a delicious taste treat more, and just about no one enjoys it better than you, if you can calm that nervous stomach, that is. You take care of everyone and then wonder why no one takes care of you, leading you to speculate if anyone really loves you. Relax, Cancer. While it may not help you find true love, a Pina Colada Jell-O shot will lead you in the right direction. Meditation: Can I buy those antique lamps without my spouse finding out?


Leo-the color that represents you, your majesty, is the color of sun and the color of true money, gold. And since you are a friendly sort, welcoming all kinds of people into your sphere to serve you, pineapple is the Jell-O flavor that best represents your sun shiny personality. Meditation: What can I do to get more attention? I deserve it, don’t I?


Virgo–Classic astrologers associate the color white with Virgo, seeing you are so pure and all. (Yeah, right!). And believe it or not, Jell-O has accommodated you with a special flavor, Margarita, which contains all the sweet goodness of the original. In the true spirit of Virgo, the saltiness is concealed within a pleasing picture of refinement and good taste. Just make sure you don’t down too many of these or your stomach will scold you like you scold the kids. Meditation: Why does my spouse say that I’m too critical? I’ll give ‘em a piece of my mind for that one.


Libra–Reference works are just as indecisive as you are, dear Libra, when it comes to ascribing a color to you. One site said, “Any color that is pleasing to the eye.” This only reflects your propensity for taking everyone’s sides in arguments, since you seek harmony above all things. After much consideration and experimentation, this astrologer ascribes the Jell-O flavor “mixed fruit” to your sign, as it seeks, just as you do, to achieve harmonious blending of diverse flavors. Meditation: Why do people want me to make decisions?


Scorpio–Simmering with life’s forbidden passions, you are symbolized by both the color black and red. This is why the flavor black cherry is tailor made for you. No stranger to the world of alternate experiences, Scorpio, you find this flavor association perhaps reminiscent of childhood cold remedies, but hey, you enjoyed those too. Meditation: How can I convince the cutie in the corner to come home with me?


Sagittarius–Your traditional color is purple, leading us to the ubiquitous grape Jell-O shot. But you are fire sign as well, as if you are not so copasetic with imbibing things reminiscent of childhood cold remedies, like our Scorpio friends. Give perky peach a try. Meditation: What excuse can I give the boss today?


Capricorn–Taciturn Saturn ruled people are not left out in the cold by our friends at Jell-O. The flavor cranberry was created just for you, with that sharp sweet tartness we’ve come to know from you. Whether you are hobnobbing with the gentry or slumming with the Jones, this taste treat will make people think twice about you. Meditation: What dirt can I dig up on the boss so I can win that promotion?


Aquarius–I don’t know why people keep calling you quirky. After all, Aquarius, you are a true pioneer, marching to the beat of your own drummer, showing the rest of us where the fun is to be had. While the world catches up with you, catch a berry blue Jell-O shot that will help you resonate to the forces of the Universe. Meditation: Why do people call me weird and why don’t I care?


Pisces–Lovely, ephemeral Pisces deserves something as effervescent as you are. For you, dear Pisces, I recommend the flavor apricot, which is just as unusual, just as refined and just a difficult to find as you are. Meditation: Why is the boss looking for me?


Beth is a professional astrologer with over twenty years experience counseling clients in career and relationship issues. Following in the footsteps of mediocre writers who start their own religions, Beth has decided to promote spiritual enlightenment through jell shots tied to astrological associations. She promises though that there is no need to find “clear” or that mysterious forces other than natural spirits will not take over your body. However, since Beth also promotes moderation in all things, to the vexation of her family, the use of Jell-O shots for enlightenment does not give her followers carte blanche to get blotto in the name of spiritual attainment. You can reach her at starrynightastro@aol.com for further guidance. Beth can be found at astrologymediapress.com/astrologyexplored.

the bride and groom’s sign have don’t have much to do with their marriage sign, all though their marriage sign can impact their “couple personality.” for example, my sister is a reserved, shrewd, sensitive cancer. she got married under the sign of leo and now she’s throwing parties. normally this would have been out of character for her, but not only is there a new husband in her new life, but a new celestial influence… she just gave her hubby a set of MARRIAGE SIGN SHOT GLASSES for their tenth anniversary!

for more on marriage sign astrology check out my nuptual readings, or buy STAR GUIDE TO WEDDINGS by april elliott kent, or, visit IT’S ABOUT TIMING to calculate the most auspicious time for you and your partner to get hitched. whatever you do, think twice about saying i do on saturday. the day of saturday is ruled by saturn, the harsh planet of constriction.

arielle was really into the fact that intoxicated zodiac donates a portion of their proceeds to animal-related charity–AND–that we are also environmentally friendly. soy wax candle, recycled paper, the whole nine…. let’s raise our glasses to arielle and russell… cheers!

TAURUS MARRIAGE SIGN READING PRINTED ON GLASS:
“A Taurus Marriage: Arielle & Russell
When a wedding is held Apr 20-May 20, that marriage belongs to Taurus.
Thus, this union is permanently imbued with these Taurean traits:
SENSUALITY GRATIFICATION LUXURY RELIABILITY STRENGTH
BULLISH DETERMINATION… A toast to the stellar couple… Cheers!”

below we have the leo marriage sign shot glass i designed for shelly & brendan. we actually printed leo’s celestial cocktail recipe, rose geranium gimlet, on the back instead of a reading.

we decorated the cake with constellations… one of which was leo. notice the boat cake topper…

MRS. SHELLY DIY, used compasses instead of traditional place cards. she glued the name and table of each guest inside the compass and instructed guests to take them home.

the seas were explored by starlight and compass…

a nautical globe to set the mood in cocktail hour…

instead of a lame old guest book, we found a colossal manuscript from taschen with ancient maps of the heavens and seas printed inside. every page of this incredible book was either beautiful, informative or outright awesome. guests signed their names to which ever page they saw fit. (the feather pen was from michaels.)

on the deck, we set up a telescope. this was a HUGE hit with the kids, and i highly recommend it for any wedding just to keep ‘em busy. (forgot to snap a pic, so photo credit here)

MRS. SHELLY DIY created the three-sided menu stands. on one side she printed the constellation. on the other side she listed the history of the discovery of the constellation. and on the third side (sorry i forgot to snap a pic again), she listed the menu. all the while pasting glittery, sparkly stars across the whole thing. how leo! did i mention shelly’s a leo?

a toast to this stellar couple’s future indeed! cheers shelly & brendan…

charles (scorpio) instructed his mechanics to outfit his aston martin, a 21st birthday present from queen elizabeth (taurus), with a bioethanol engine which he’s taken to running on surplus wine. waste not, want not… even for the royal family, whose royal train runs on biodiesel. this is a great video to watch… especially the ending, where the reporter suggests a jet that runs on leftover champagne.

WATCH CHARLES’ VIDEO HERE.

VIA GREEN MSN

but… apparently, “because we live in a predominantly confused, wounded, and materialistic world that we think Taurus is mainly about money, possessions, and sensual indulgences. But Taurus is also a powerful symbol for enlightenment, and as we begin to wake up, it becomes more important to see Taurus and the 2nd House as referring to the potential for the truest inner peace, and therefore as well as to the obstacles to this real freedom.” VIA ASTROLOGYFORTHESOUL

Whoever said Taureans were predictable didn’t know Shirley MacLaine. But this atypical award winning Terms of Endearment actress, author, dancer, and spiritual seeker is typically Taurean in her quest for inner peace – a journey she’s taken to task. Material bound Taurus Shirley is famous for her earthy stability. Yet look deeper into her easy way in the world of natural things and see a supernatural connection. Shirley talks of past lives, like having been Charlemagne’s lover, or being guided by angels. Like most actresses early in their career, Shirley’s body image was closely tied to her self-worth, so self-love became a lifetime pursuit for Shirley. The body’s imperfections are raw material for Taurus; in appreciating her natural flaws with love and reverence, Taurus connects to her own unshakeable confidence, a security that cannot be bought or sold. Confidence indeed, this head-in-the-stars star is no shrinking violet. Wisdom, maturity, and celebrity have given Shirley her formidable diva reputation, something she proudly claims. “I’m a diva. If someone isn’t doing something right, I tell them and they do it my way. I’ve earned the right”. Can you say no bull? VIA MSN

shirley’s all-important rising sign is virgo, angel of truth and guardian of purity. her taurus/virgo combo really makes sense!