cocktails are hot. especially when in the hands of extremely hot women. in fact, this whole whole ad campaign is overly hot - thanks AGENT PROVOCATEUR! check out the lingerie brand’s interactive video here. or play their new PEEP IN PARIS video game here.

VIA TREND HUNTER

Nudes are my favorite type of art. The human body is so incredibly beautiful, and so incredibly repressed in our societies. kudos to Christiania vodka for sponsoring the NEW CLASSIC NUDE 2E ART COMPETITION, the second installment in a series of art competitions sponsored by the Christiania Art Foundation (CAF). apparently, christiania’s got great taste in both vodka and art…

here’s the best part… anyone can enter this competition! the rules are simple:
1. must be uploadable
2. must be submitted “free of use restrictions”
3. must be usable on a public billboard (approximate dimensinos are 60 x 40)

winners will have their image placed on a billboard in a major city. how cool is that? see rules and past winners here…

if the thought of learning the fine art of bartending bores you, fear not. boys, and lesbians, the topless academy of bartending has come to your rescue! sex on the beach demonstrated by a topless chick, what more could you want? if guys bought each other gifts, this would be the perfect one. VIA LIQUOR SNOB

i don’t usually read playboy… lord knows i get my fill of the bimbos next door on E! but i’ll be picking up a copy this month… apparently, there’s a bunch of cocktail recipes, all of which have dreamed up by some very creative cocktailians…

heff has been kind enough to tease us with Eben Klemm’s cocktail recipe online… which uses beets and molecular mixolgy–definitely worth checking out.

VIA ALCADEMICS

READ YOUR SEDUCTION BY COCKTAIL HOROSCOPE HERE.

just in time for valentine’s day… i guest blogged on SEDUCTION CENTRAL with a piece about COCKTAILS & SEX. on jeffrey’s astrology love blog, every day is valentine’s day. and today, is your lucky day! generous jeffrey won the IZ NEWSLETTER SUBSCRIBER RAFFLE this month and he gets a FREE PLASTIC IS NOT A CELESTIAL BODY TOTE. he’s kindly offered it up in a raffle of his own on his blog to anyone who leaves a comment on my guest post. what a sweetie pisces that guy. so head on over to SEDUCTION CENTRAL, drop a note, and win a tote.

dentristy is a questionable profession for libra. capricorn, who rules the teeth along with saturn, is much better suited. Libra’s make excellent trophy wives, flirtatious diplomats, solid sex workers. but, dentists, not so much. as i lay helplessly in her big vinyl chair, drooling all over myself, my hygienist informed me that she’s really in the wrong field. oh you don’t say, i thought to myself… she went on to inform me that she’d heard, as a libra, she should have been a prostitute. oh really, i raised my eyebrow… i wondered what we doing here then. shouldn’t she be on a corner somewhere? or in a swanky hotel room? or in some diplomat’s pied-à-terre… massaging something other than a set of gums? She then admitted that, unlike her Libran sister, who would’ve been a wonderful whore because boy is she a slut, turning tricks just wasn’t her thing! well men, i breathed a sigh of relief for you. and as i tasted the blood enter my mouth, i thought - with hands like these, it’s a good thing she missed her call girl calling. i nodded sympathetically and humorously in agreement, thanking god i had another six months before having to undergo the hooking hygienist’s tool again.

which brings me to my latest revelation: holistic dentistry! yes, i finally grew tired of having my mouth raped by the scalpel metal picky thing and ventured out into territory unknown… i wish i’d done it sooner! enter sandra senzon, holistic intergrative dental professional and published author. aptly dubbed the tooth fairy, sandra (a Leo) performed magic on my mouth. here’s the thing… i underwent the cosmetic whitening treatment at BRITE SMILE and now my teeth were falling out of my mouth. minor detail. the extreme ultra violet bleaching method that BRITE SMILE used had caused my gums to recede, and now drinking (HORROR), eating, smiling and brushing were torturous. in the comfort of her chrysler building office with panoramic views of new york city, sandra sprayed her proprietary blend of CAMELIA OIL on my teeth. she then went in and did a thorough cleaning, which i hardly felt at all! MAGIC. this natural oil had done what nothing else had been able to do - stop my pain. i departed with a bottle, along with sandra’s book, REVERSING GUM DISEASE NATURALLY. So impressed was i, that i have made Sandra’s products AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE.

camelia oil isn’t just for numbing tooth pain naturally. it’s also a great way to whiten teeth safely, without employing harsh bleaching chemicals used by every other tooth whitening product on the market today. it also contains anti-oxidant properties and repels plaque.

sandra discovered camelia oil’s whitening properties while researching the essential oil lavender. traditionally used in skin care, she made the connection between our skin and the skin of our teeth - our gums. since then, she has developed and sold over 8,000 bottles to her tooth spa clients in the flavors of lavender (gemini & virgo), eucalyptus (leo) and peppermint (taurus & libra).
a visit to the TOOTH SPA is not your typical dentist appointment. for starters, you’ll find only essential oils and natural products, like the echinacea toothpaste - which BTW is completely non-abrasive and 100% edible - unlike conventional brands. but the best is that antique salt trays are used as receptacles - how cool! sandra also studies canine meridian relationships in diagnosing your toothy problem. i had no idea that each tooth is related to a different parts of the body, not unlike acupuncture and reflexology.

“Every organ and every part of your body is directly linked to a specific tooth or area of the mouth via these meridians, or energy highways. This connection is so strong that a biological dentist can often accurately guess your dental history simply by reviewing your physical symptoms.”

some other things i learned in my quest for healthy teeth: 1) hydrosonic cleaning is no better than the old fashioned dental pick and axe. they both scrape valuable enamel off your teeth. 2) silver/mercury fillings are bad. replace them if you can, but do it slowly, one at a time and only when you are in peak physical condition. taking them out too fast can create many physical problems. 3) drink light colored cocktails for whiter teeth. duh! mojito anyone?

The walls of my friend jen’s apartment are cocoa brown, and her complimentary minimalist furnishings all match in various shades of brown. Jen’s brownie girl eyes are offset by her gorgeous bronze skin - a backdrop for the long curly tendrils of bark brown hair that cascade over it. today she wore a brown striped dress with a cropped brown jacket over it. i can’t remember her shoes, but i bet they were brown! if jen were a food, it would be chocolate. Even though she’s a Cancer, the cocoa bean is ruled by Venus and hence belongs to Taurus. One day i paid my friend a visit and offered to make cocktails. Luckily, i had my boston shaker in the car with me - all i needed was ingredients. But jen had decorated her fridge with the same minimalist aesthetic as her apartment, and it was quite bare. No cream. No lemons. No soda (except for half a can of diet coke). No juice. Even the dozen eggs which i could have used for froth, were bad. (you can tell this, if they float in water). Of course the girl had all the essentials… vodka, tequila, scotch, rum in every flavour… What to do? Finally i spied a bowl of leftover icing she’d whipped up last week for a batch of brownies she made. Against her panicked warnings not to eat it for fear it had gone off, i dug my spoon in there anyway, and tasted heaven. Now this i can work with! And so a chocolate martini, the likes of which i’ve never tasted before, was created. If i were to have sex with jen, it would surly feel like this drink tastes.

SEX WITH JEN:
2 oz vodka
4 tbsp sinful chocolate icing

place in stirring glass filled with ice and shake for a good minute. NOTE: i like chocolate sludge. if you do too, increase the amount of icing you use.

SINFUL CHOCOLATE ICING:
2 1/2 (1 oz.) sq. unsweetened baking chocolate
2 cups confectioners sugar (powdered)
3 tablespoons hot water
1 egg (free range/organic, but of course)
l/3 cup margarine
1 teaspoon vanilla

Melt chocolate and remove from heat. With electric mixer, blend in sugar and water. Beat in egg, then margarine and vanilla. Frosting may be thin at this point so place bowl in refrigerator until it is spreading consistency.

(recipe created by gwen sutherland kaiser)

NOTE: vegans can leave out the egg for a still rather good frosting, or follow recipe below:

* 1 c sugar
* 6 tbl corn starch
* 4 tbl cocoa
* 1/2 tsp salt
* 2 tbl oil
* 1 c water
* 1/2 tsp vanilla

Mix sugar, cornstarch, salt, and cocoa in a medium sauce pan. Whisk in the water. Heat over medium until it gets thick and starts to boil. Boil for 1-2 minutes. (Make sure you don’t boil too long, or it will set like taffy.) Remove from heat and stir in oil and vanilla. VIA YARINARETH

sorry boys, it’s chick-lit cocktail hour…

The frank and sharp-witted prostitute, Belle, has fast become one of my favorite literary characters. I found her diary for sale in a Hong Kong bookshop, thank god. my 12 hour trip (coach, mind you–hell in the sky) back home “flew” by reading about blow jobs, piss-drinking, cross-dressing and whoring of every sort. sure the sparkling sake i snuck on board might have had a little something to do with that! but, I’d never have found it here in the States; our bookstores must have decided it was too racy for us yanks, I guess. Shame, but you can still buy both volumes One & Two on amazon. (Be sure to go through kittykind.org when you purchase them and help out some needy pussy).

In her BELLE DE JOUR books, THE INTIMATED ADVENTURES OF A LONDON CALL GIRL, and THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF A LONDON CALL GIRL, Belle speaks of tipples, tits and astrology not so infrequently… oh, and belle’s one of those exasperating people who loves to hate astrology, yet reads their horoscope.

BELLE ON PORT:

it’s a truism that food and sex are not only similarly pleasurable, but also may be enjoyed together. countless mills and boon novels and the entire oeuvre of mickey rourke have told us so. usually i would agree, but in the case of port and cheese, i must strenuously argue against. as a prelude to sex, yes, a thoughtfully selected 1985 vintage and some dorset blue vinny can be as potent a seduction tool as a barry white album. but in the bedroom itsefl? never. bailey’s is a perfectly acceptable tipple to lick out of the small of a lover’s back. drops of whisky are like a particularly erotic perfume and i’ve certainly had a gin cocktail, if you know what i mean. but port? in front of the fire, in a small glass, and quite emphatically sitting up.

BELLE ON ASTROLOGY:

FRIEND:
When and where were you born?
BELLE:
Why?
FRIEND:
Natal chart.
BELLE:
Online astrology is one of the sure signs of imminent societal collapse.
FRIEND:
Oh, dear. Oh, oh dear.
BELLE:
What’s that?
FRIEND:
Mars is in Cancer.
BELLE TO HERSELF:
Or whatever on earth he said. I am not au fait with this particular brand of superstition.
BELLE:
Which means what exactly?
FRIEND:
You’re emotionally manipulative.
BELLE:
Alert the press. I wonder who didn’t already know that.

BELLE ON EX:

Resolved: never to pick up the phone without looking to see who’s calling. ever. again. I thought it might be my neighbour, calling to arrange a meeting. It wasn’t. it was a call i should have known would come again. it’s an unwritten rule of breakups that one of the parties involved must make ill-advised, DRUNKEN, desperate calls to the other. and no matter how it ended, who broke up with whom, it’s these horrible DRUNK dialings that will be remembered. whatever moral high ground the person may have is immediately forfeited. at least that person wasn’t me. fucking horoscope.

BELLE ON EX SEX:

So, yes. Sex. With someone i honestly expected never to have sex with again. The Boy. The effing boy. Still sorting it out. It’s a mess. He gave me a lift back to London and now won’t leave. But I would like to confirm that at least before the slightly TIPSY postcoital glowing phase ended and the horrible, horrible veil of Oh-Dear-Me-Not-Again descended, it was good. Better than good. Better than good. He sat on my chest and f… (use your imagination here girlz). There’s no why to ex sex, only the how (long it will last, soon it will be over, fast can I leave). Most of my exes are friends, and most of my friends are exes, and I don’t fuck them afterwards as a rule. But there are one or two who fall out of touch, usually because there was little in the relationship worth building a friendship on, and this was one.

BELLE ON SHIRAZ:

BELLE:
What is it about men who know seven ways to kill you with their bare hands but just want to be pussycats in the bedroom?
Have you ever let someone take control? I asked. He was sat in a stuffy chair, and I was curled u at his feet drinking Shiraz and stroking the back of his legs.
CLIENT:
I always wanted to, but—
BELLE:
Sweetie, I said, and reached up to stroke his chin, don’t be shy. That’s what I’m here for. A first-time submissive is usually easy to handle and eager to please. It takes months before they start trying deviously to control the action from below. I asked if he would let me tie him up. He said yes, what with? I wasn’t prepared, so I asked for a handful of ties. He led me upstairs to the bedroom and produced them.
I told him to undress. He did, as I sat cross-legged on the bed. I ordered him on to the bed. He hesitated for a moment. Get down, face up, legs and arms straight, I said abruptly. He did. I pulled my skirt up and crawled over him, heels still on. Straddling his chest, I tied his hands to the bed. At the foot of the bed there was nothing handy, so I looped the ends of the ties round the wheels of the bedframe and hoped they would hold. I could feel him craning his neck, trying to get his mouth closer to my bottom. “Lie back, I barked. If I want you to touch me you’ll know it. It was standard SM, nothing challenging. Tease and (extremely) light torture. But I did end up with the cleanest shoes outside of a Russell & Bromely.

BELLE ON HOROSCOPE:

I’m not a superstitious person, but my fucking horoscope today came true! Someone from your past is trying to make contact, it read. Your best plan is to have an open mind in the weeks ahead. Hey, cut me a break. It’s right next to the sudoku, okay? I went online and checked my email - a note from L, the girl I was at school with. It was nice, for once, to have an unexpected email from someone I actually cared to hear from again instead of an ex.

BELLE ON BEER:

Considering the economics of sex - in which a man is prepared to invest some time, and a bit of money towards gifts and entertainments, in order to coax a woman into bed - I am assured by clients that the cost of a call girl is on a par with the price of picking up a woman on a business trip. And she’s not likely to come by and cook your rabbit later. On paper it sounds great. Woman arranges her own transportation, BUYS HER OWN PINT AND PERHAPS A FEW FOR YOU, and should there be a resulting relationship, is not terribly fussed about receiving gifts, holidays or other trinkets of your affection aside from the affection itself.

BELLE ON BEER:

I do love a beer. Source of amusement and - if the books are to be believed - one of the six beverages to change the world. Proof, as they say, that God loves us and wants us to be happy. But if you can’t judge a book by its cover, by what can you? It’s beer, naturally. I’m not talking about books here. I’m talking about men. There are exceptions to every rule, but the shakedown is as follows in the pub setting.

STAROPRAMEN DRINKER:
likely to spend most of the evening texting some other girl.
STELLA DRINKER:
likely to spend most of the evening pretending to text some other girl.
BUDWEISER DRINKER:
likely to spend most of the evening showing you porn on his camera phone in a bid to impress you. Has never had a text from a girl.
REAL ALE DRINKER, BEARDED:
someone’s divorced Uncle Tim.
REAL ALE DRINKER, SEMIBEARDED (FACIALTOPIARY):
secretly despises the taste, feels he ought to drink it.
REAL ALE DRINKER, UNBEARDED:
socially inept computing student.
GUINNESS DRINKER, IRISH:
will break your heart.GUINNESS DRINKER NON-IRISH:
nursing broken heart.
GUINNESS DRINKER, AMERICAN:
lost in Hertfordshire.
LONDON PRIDE DRINKER:
not from London.
TRAPPIST BREW DRINKER, UNDER 50:
monk.
CIDER DRINKER, TEENAGER:
made an impulse decision when he couldn’t spot the alcopops.
CIDER DRINKER, ADULT:
from Norfolk.

Friends, I have an admission to make. I am seeing a cider drinker who is neither underage nor East Anglian. We are, I believe, in uncharted territory.

last month’s entry to her blog, BELLE DE JOUR, is pivotal if you’ve been following the details of her sexy, sordid life. she broke up with her soulmate after he cheated on her, inducing her to ruminate on our collective substance of choice:

BELLE ON BOOZE:

So suffice to say it wasn’t a great weekend. I screamed a lot. I cried a bit. I REDISCOVERED THE JOYS OF DRINKING SPIRITS AT 9AM. He gave me a lot of I’m sorry but… which is pretty bad. And I can’t believe you’re throwing it away over something as small as this, which is the last refuge of a man so damn guilty he can’t even be bothered to deny it. And I think to myself, I didn’t throw anything away, I’m just carrying the trash to the curb. His car isn’t so big, so his stuff is only 1/3 out.

Onto bigger and better cock(tails) Belle…

VISIT BELLE’S BLOG

Well here I was thinkin I’m all sorts of smart and stuff blending the likes of mixology and astrology… But no, not so much. really, really smart would be… let’s see… oh, like, say, coming up with a blend of mixology and nudity. now that’s the shiz. yeaaaahhhh…. bar chefs gone wild. That would be when I stumbled upon the BIKINI COCKTAIL GIRLS on myspace. Their page says they’re Gemini, and I gotta admit any girls crazy & sassy enough to pull off a site like this would have to be the sign of the wacky twin! wacky, soon to be millionaire twin, I might add ; )

Who wouldn’t want to observe the fine art of bartending from a beautiful woman, whilst her scant garments fall gently to the floor?

The site offers four levels:
KAMIKAZE $9.95/month
SCREWDRIVER $19.95/month
MARTINI $29.95/month
CHAMPAGNE & CAVIAR $49.95 for full site access

(But for the record, I.Z. is against the consumption of caviar due to it’s inexplicably cruel method of harvesting the fishes eggs.)

Hmmnn… do I see naked intoxicated bartending astrologers in the near future? lemme go check my chart…

Sex and alcohol are so often intertwined. But how to whet the appetite of the sign you’re trying to woo? By warming the cockles of their heart with cocktails, a love fest will ensue.

ARIES
Aries’ cocktail doesn’t need to be fancy. But it does need to be fast as well as strong (kind of like the forward Ram’s sexual style.) Cocktail shots were invented for Aries. So were showy flambeed libations. Those six-course Italian meals and long drawn out bottles of wine were not. Aries wants excellent wait service more than they want an expertly balanced tipple. They have no preference for classic cocktails or innovative creations. As long as their drink tastes good, looks appetizing and arrives promptly, that’s good enough for them. More time to get to the important (fun) stuff, like a quickie in the restroom! If you do end up on a date with the Ram for the night, slipping the maitre de a twenty is worth it’s weight in gold. Soon you’ll be in the back seat of a dark taxicab, exploring new territories of flesh. Aries is the ultimate conquistador!

TAURUS
Quite the opposite of Aries, for Taurus slow service is tolerable, but poor drinks are not. The luxury-loving Bull wants only the best in the most tasteful way possible. We’re not talking flashy concoctions here, but understated elegance and high quality ingredients. Don’t waste your time and theirs ordering a giant margarita rimmed with colorful salt and an oversized hunk of fruit. The Bull’s sophisticated buds will cut through the bull, and know instantaneously if it’s good or not, despite its illusory appearance. They would rather not imbibe a subpar cocktail. Taureans are traditionalists at heart, so treat them to classically mixed cocktails done right, in a pleasant setting where they can slowly savor each and every succulent sip. Mmnnn… that’s just a prelude to the sensual, unhurried and hedonistic lovemaking to come.

GEMINI
Bring on the flamboyant tiki drinks, the Tom Cruise cocktails bartender and brush up on your tall tale storytelling! Gemini doesn’t just like to be entertained, they need it. Wanna get in this fly girl’s pants? That’s easy - providing you can get her into the trendiest and chicest celebrity watering hole you can muster the connections to. Now’s the time to call in that favor and get on that exclusive list. Once there, experiment with a different specialty cocktail, each round to further stimulate the twin’s ADD mind. Also, be sure to have a handy list of bars to hit after the novelty and excitement of the one you’re in wears off. Be careful not to exhaust yourself entertaining this party girl. You’ll need to leave some room for Gemini’s bedtime dessert, ghhhrrr… Sextini? Make it a double.

CANCER
The celestial homebody, this sign often prefers to just stay in and sip port by the fire. In lieu of that, try the lounge of a swanky hotel — the ‘W’ will be fine. This way, the lounge is only an elevator away from a temporary hotel room-home. Cancer prefers delicate drinks to match their delicate palette. Each libation should be as subtle as their conservative taste — perfectly balanced, without any one overwhelming flavor. A Gimlet in particular will go down real smooth. Too smooth… all the more easy to take the next round back to a room. Break through that hard Cancerian shell with a probing back massage, a bottle of champagne, a pile of crab cakes, and some sweet nothings whispered in Cancer’s ear. Now this is a recipe for some serious sloppy sex! You’ll be having breakfast in bed before you know it.

LEO
To show this top cat a good time, you’ll need to think over the top in every conceivable way. This is no time to cheap out! Any offering to this noble sign should be quite grandiose to be considered at all worthy. Get your wallet out and start with the maitre dis. Secure the best table in the house, or at least let Leo know that you almost died trying. They’ll appreciate the gesture. Wooing was invented for Leo, and the good news is they’re not picky. Leo will accept the following: ridiculously extravagant culinary concoctions and high-end bottle service consisting of Cristal, Dom Perignon or 100-year-old wine. See, not picky at all! Simply treat them like the divine entity they believe themselves to be, and this pussy will be licking your private parts before you can say meow.

VIRGO
Make it neat. Not the scotch, the table! Pray that it’s squeaky clean and the coasters are new. A grossly stained coaster might just end the date right then and there. Virgo will taste a poorly made drink a mile away. Nothing except pure goodness will do for the celestial virgin. Don’t try to skate by, for the queen of perfection will notice and administer a demeaning black mark on her invisible scorecard. This sign is less likely than any other to tolerate a syrupy neon green Appletini. Make sure it’s the real deal with freshly extracted apple juice and fresh squeezed lemon. Demanding? Yup. Worth it? Every bit. Historically, the coveted virgin has always been extremely desirable. Well, nothing’s changed. Go the extra mile to ensure a flawlessly choreographed night, and you’ll find yourself living the fantasy of so many for so long — bedding the elusive and sacred virgin.

LIBRA
Thou art beautiful dear Libra, and we both know it. You’re just a beautiful drinking slut… admit it! But Libra never will, for they are always innocent. Innocent of breaking your heart, innocent of obscene flirting, innocent of ordering off the reserve list (the bartender misunderstood me!). The laid back scales will always get their way, and you’ll always be more than happy to give it to them. They are the charming and gracious diplomats of the zodiac, whose world is wrapped around their little finger. But back to the drinking slut part… Libra has an extraordinarily refined and discerning palette. Like their self, an appealing tipple must be visually pleasing, tastefully balanced and good to the last drop (of which there will be many). I’m thinking here, straight up Margarita, mixed to perfection. A night out with the scales almost always involves delightful conversation, succulent libations, and superb sex. Libra is a guaranteed good time!

SCORPIO
Scorpio lives life intensely. They tend to like their cocktails that way too. Strong, overpowering flavors are understood and appreciated. Serve a burn-your-face-off Bloody Mary, or a bittersweet chocolate concoction so decadent it should be illegal. Steer clear of generic drinks — unless it’s titled something like Sex On The Beach, or Long Slow Comfortable Screw. Choose a theme and go with it, hard-core. Scorpio can see the real deal a mile away, so don’t cut any corners on the bar tab, and don’t overdo the small talk. Prepare meaningful material in which to engage the Scorpion’s interest ahead of time and you shall be rewarded. Take them to an S&M bar for the night and you shall be very richly rewarded. Merely observing other’s antics while sipping an intensely flavorful tipple will get any Scorpio’s mouth wet. They are the sign of sex and would love more than anything to give it to you.

SAGITTARIUS
The drinks don’t have to be rated five star Zagat, but they do have to be impressive in appearance. And plentiful. A mammoth Pina Colada (or six of them) is all that Sag requires to be content. Hoping to get lucky? Your chances are good — Sagittarius is the sign of luck! Strategically nurse your drink and hope the centaur politely follows your lead. (Easier said than done.) They are known for their blunt candor, and when Sagittarius wants another libation, they’ll ask for one without hesitation. In any event, the question is not will you end up in bed, but in what state? Sag is the ultimate party animal that lives — and drinks — in the now. Not five hours from now. Thanks to their boatload of innate spontaneity, they are the consummate fun sign. But a comatose lover is never much fun, so force the man-horse to pace themselves and conserve energy for your sinfully succulent late night-nightcap. champagne strawberries in all the right places, if you know what I mean.

CAPRICORN
No need to impress the goat with flashy overpriced libations, and uber trendy bars, although that certainly won’t hurt. The best way to win the cold steely heart of the workaholic goat is to patronize a sophisticated establishment, or have a very valid reason for not doing so. Then, order with confidence and impress them with your extensive libational knowledge (a crash course in bartending isn’t a bad idea). The goat’s got taste, too much of it in fact — they’re snobby. They’ll cringe to be seen in a lame bar, and they’ll shudder if they must imbibe cheap wine or beer (unless they’re picking up the tab — somehow that’s ok). Capricorn is into keeping up appearances. Be it imported stout, a micro-brewed limited edition or a rare scotch, that drink better have an aura of specialty about it. Don’t disappoint Capricorn with foolish cocktail blunders, at least not more than once. They’ll forgive you, but only because they want you to succeed at impressing them. They really want to show you the inside of their love den! A little chilly on the outside, Capricorn is volcanic on the inside. May you enjoy their eruption…

AQUARIUS
What a contradiction, planning an evening with the unplannable sign of Aquarius. The Water Bearer despises following itineraries. They are the zodiacal eccentrics — and don’t even try to guess what makes them tick! For what’s it’s worth, here’s my advice: You’ll need to find a different kind of place for this different kind of sign. Perhaps an art gallery opening, where the visual and mental stimulation are as free-flowing as the wine and cheese. When they’re bored with Picasso, move onto a dive bar on the wrong side of the tracks. This will hold their perverse interest. Drink 10 cent beers for an hour and hit the road again — the latest trendoid bar is calling their name! Order an innovative cocktail — something that utilizes the new molecular mixology techniques would be ideal. A sodium alginate and calcium chloride Rose Vanilla Dacqueri will keep Aquarius intrigued, and they’ll keep you around for a midnight romp. Get ready for a crazy, sexy, wild ride…

PISCES
Get a drink in their hand, like yesterday. A welcome libation will relax the anxious Fish, to which alcohol is like oxygen to mere mortals. By the way, the other Fish is quite comfortable without a drink, thank you very much. It’s this constant yin yang pull that makes Pisces a Pisces. The trouble — or fun, depending on how you look at it — comes when both fish decide to get simultaneously sloshed. That’s the Piscean mega-party this sign is famous for. Should you manage to catch this slippery lover in your net, enjoy their dreamy and magical company before they swim into the night, never to be seen. Well-mannered, they’ll drink almost any cocktail served them. However, the fish’s discriminating taste will derive the most pleasure from refreshing, fruity concoctions. Pineapple Sage Margarita? Cilantro Swizzle? Tease them with tipples and tie them up tightly. This smooth operator likes playing the game.