if you’re looking for love in what seems to be all the wrong places, have no fear because help is here. astrology goddess, jessica sheperd of moonkissd, wrote A LOVE ALCHEMIST’S NOTEBOOK to lend us all a hand in the relationship realm. in her informative, practical, enlightening, fun and witty book, she outlines the NINE SOUL MATE SECRETS, and explains how she captured her wonderful husband using these very steps. personally, i’m not a big fan of seeking out love… i’ve always subscribed to the theory of when it shows up, it shows up. but if you are actively looking for mr./ms. right, don’t waste your time on match or eharmony, when this book is all you really need. when i read jessica’s book, the information was so sensible, i couldn’t believe i hadn’t read it somewhere else before. but alas no, to me, jessica’s words were for the most part new. the magic element to this book makes it fun, mystical, creative, hip and just about guarantees soul mate success—all for $17.95! so much cheaper than a subscription to lavalife, or that fish site… true love is made in heaven, and manifested on earth, especially with A LOVE ALCHEMIST’S NOTEBOOK at your side… cheers!

the luckiest among us have enjoyed both the pleasure of an experienced older lover, and the perishable gifts of a younger one too. and what better captures the essence of a nubile body’s offerings, than the symbolic-laden cherry?

should you take a young lover, i’d advise pairing (and plying) him or her with satin sheets, chocolate, alcohol, feathers, rope—and a full day in which to enjoy them all. should you take a lover beyond your years, relish and remember the priceless lessons bestowed upon you. in such an age-disparate affair, i can’t help but wonder which lover would be more fortunate to have found the other: the older and more experienced lover… or the young, eager lover? perhaps each partner’s luck would be equal…

all though coconut falls under the thumb of cancer, chocolate and cherry are ruled by none other than the goddess of love: venus. bottoms up and bottoms off… cheers to those libra lovers everywhere—good lovers do they make.

ps, how cool is this glass? i found it at a yard sale last week along with some concrete skulls and an old glass dome.

YOUNG LOVER:
2 1/2 oz kijafa (danish chocolate cherry flavored wine)
2 oz coconut milk (surprisingly, this tastes nothing like coconut)
1 oz chocolate syrup***

shake over ice and strain into chilled glass. garnish with a fresh cherry.

***do not use hersheys. use organic syrup or you will be ingesting GMO corn syrup, which causes sterility-inducing tumors. tough choice huh… tumors or organic.

two valentine’s bevies that slithered across my desk:

1) FEVER: this non-carbonated herbal fusion is infused with only 100% natural ingredients. “FEVER heightens a persons euphoric state, while also stimulating the body and providing a natural source of energy.”

i had the KIWI STRAWBERRY, and it was good… i do believe it even stimulated me! at the time i drank it, i was in my booth at the jacob javitz center and thankfully i managed to control my lust. i simply channeled that energy into a killer sales pitch instead of…$#*!!:) considering that almost every buyer there was either a gay man or a straight woman, it wasn’t HARD to do. however, if i had consumed this delicious, libido-enhancing libation at any other time, well, i doubt i would have been able to control myself and the erotic FEVER this drink would have unleashed from the deepest caverns of my carnal self. shake things up this valentine’s day-mix it in a sexy nightcap.

2) LOVE POTION #9: this tasty cordial bears the perfect name for that fast approaching sexiest of days. oh yes, my fave, valentine’s day. i suggest pouring this fruity, tasty, sweet, delicious liqueur all over your lover’s sweet spots. oh how will you clean up that desirable mess? of course i strongly recommend preparing a valentine’s day COCKtail with it too… i do believe that LOVE POTION #9 is a guaranteed good time no matter how you use it.

“LOVE POTION #9 is a 60-proof, distilled spirits specialty that was developed over the course of five years and almost 1,800 trial-and-error formulations before its blend of 20 exotic tropical fruit flavors, including mango, peach, chocolate, vanilla, pear, apple, cherry, almond and many others, was perfected.”

what a way to kick off the new year… cheers to american salon magazine for featuring intoxicated zodiac shot candles in the january issue. they also plugged us online, check out their “new & notable” column here.

IZ Shot Candles were made for Valentine’s Day… Perfect for the lascivious lover on your list. Hot, sexy, dripping, wet wax… what more could we want on V-day?! Make the recipe at home and do cocktail body shots at the same time for twice the fun. Just call me Dr. Ruth.

Email Info@IntoxicatedZodiac.com for wholesale info. Available for viewing or buying online here.

i don’t know about you, but valentine’s day is my least favorite holiday. relationship pressure, obligatory materialism, societal stigmas… the list of reasons why it sucks is endless. like taxes, it exists and must be dealt with.

enter PINKY VODKA—valentine’s day solved. it’s a bouquet in a bottle! boy or girl, any lovely human will lust for this exquisitely designed vessel. sexy and slender, it’s shape emulates the style of luxury perfume. inside, the hand-blended swedish vodka is a rose quartz shade of blushing pink derived from rose petals, violets and wild strawberries, which all come together in a subtle floral nose and flavor.

despite the flowers, your man won’t think this is too girly. he’ll like it even more if you play bad bad bartender and shake your booty while shaking up a rose water gimlet. don’t forget to rim… the glass. he just might propose on the spot.

visit PINKY, the world’s most beautiful vodka.
750 ml $50; WALLYWINE.com

DRINK FOR THOUGHT:
apparently we don’t know the zodiac sign of st. valentine. it is however, ironic, that this holiday was created in the month of aquaruius, which is the sign of universal love. we as a society have chosen to take aquarius’ one love concept and make it intimate. valentine’s day is now a romantic love holiday, rather than the holiday of love for humanity it was perhaps intended to be?

Meet The Most Dangerous Beauty Alive… traveling Sword Swallower Charon Henning. We here at IZ are extremely fortunate to have been selected by the aforementioned for the publishing of Charon’s new column, The Cocktail Sword. Let’s give her a warm welcome, a big thanks, some clickage on her blogs: THE SWORD SWALLOWER and ODD ANGEL, and maybe even catch her show live!

Our Airstream is a Leo with a Libra Ascendant. We know this because we have the original bill of sale from the 27th of July, 1966.

I am firmly of the belief that an Airstream, or any other travel trailer or RV, is not officially born until it passes into the hands of its first family (I feel this way about tattoo machines as well, but that’s for another post for another time). Sitting stationary on a dealer’s lot or just outside of the factory is a form of gestation, a time of waiting, of being open to growth when the time is right. The addition of the human element, and subsequent elements that it brings, such as the sharing of food, warmth and companionship, are truly what breathed life into our beloved 1966 Airstream Safari. The entire 22 foot length is brimming with stories and history, which we have been continuing to create with it since the turn of the Millenium.

Currently our family consists of two swordswallowers, one an Aries with a Cancer Ascendant, the other (me) a Scorpio with a Cancer Ascendant, a hairless Sphynx cat, a Virgo with a Scorpio Ascendant (which, now that I think on it, explains an awful lot about her behavior that I’d originally attributed to her breed … ), and the Airstream. All travel brings adventure, all meals are an event and, if you don’t mind me saying so, the sex is pretty awesome. At least for us. The cat’s been spayed. (we call her Brundlefly.)

Given the above variables, it should come as no surprise that we keep a well-stocked cocktail lounge on board. Since we have limited space, we have to choose our bottles, flasks and flavors very carefully. There are foundation liquors to be considered, especially among those of us born under signs that are very much about physicality and the pleasures derived therein. We must always have a few staple items on board at all times and each must serve at least two purposes in the grand scheme of mixology. There are social issues to be considered as well. Living full time in a modern aluminum gypsy wagon means our community changes with the seasons, sometimes with each sign in the heavens, and once the level and style of tippling, or lack thereof, has been established, we know approximately what to bring with us to a gathering.

Generally between 4 and 6 each afternoon the residents of a given campground, fairground, or even the odd truck stop, will come together for some fellowship, story sharing and general face time. At this time each Autumn we find ourselves toting along one of our annual favorites, right as the leaves are changing, when there’s a snap in the air and when something warm to drink is preferable to anything rocks or shaken. Between Mabon and Samhain is, in our opinion, the very perfect time for mulled wine.

Wine is a perfect libation for the time of year when active external energies are waning and quieter introspective energies are one the rise. Dryer red wine is what we always mull, being signs that prefer the rich full bodied flavors of the dark reds, and we offset the slightly bitter taste of the darker cabernets with local honey as we heat it over the open flame of our stove. To this mixture we add allspice, ginger, nutmeg, orange peel, cinnamon, cloves and lemon peel, all spices that complement the seasonal apple harvest as well as the other edible gourds that grace our tables during this time of year. On the chance that we lack one or more of these spices in our pantry, or are simply pressed for time before we gather with others, we have on board as a backup single serving tea bags of Organic Mulling Spices from R.W. Knudsen Family, four bags of which will satisfactorily mull an entire bottle of wine. A little less than half an hour’s simmering will generally suffice.

Being able to buy locally is one of the pleasures of this sort of ambulatory life, and we explore local flavors more fully at this time of year than at any other. The quality of local wines varies greatly but we have never yet been disappointed by any of the small family owned and run vineyards that welcome people each Autumn to their lands offering the same sort of fellowship all of us on the open road enjoy regularly. Many will package their own combinations of wine, honey and spices together for purchase and it is never a bad idea to invest in such a kit, the ingredients having been selected by those who know their product best.

So as the weather chills a bit we will regularly enjoy the pleasures of mulled wine as a complement of the season, watching the steam rise from our mugs as we step outside in the evenings, able to see every star in the sky from our front yard, wherever that might happen to be. As we transition from Libra to Scorpio in the heavens it is a grand time to reward your previous month’s balancing act with a bit of sensual goodness straight from your local vineyard. Enjoy!

CHARON’S MULLED WINE:
*1 bottle red wine of your choosing (we prefer the dryer to the sweeter)
*1 cinnamon stick
*1/4 teaspoon whole cloves
*1/2 teaspoon each of the following, wrapped in cheesecloth and tied
(Organic is always best … ):
allspice
ginger
nutmeg
orange peel
lemon peel
*Organic honey to taste

Combine all in a pot on the stove or over a fire, bring to a low boil and reduce heat to simmer, stirring, for about half an hour. Ladle into mugs to serve and go slowly! It hits you like a well-aimed pillow.

Cheers~Charon, The Most Dangerous Beauty Alive
theswordswallowers.com
oddangel.com

Charon Henning is one of a handful of female sword swallowers in the world today. She’s performed on carnival midways and at wine tastings, on theater stages and grassy lots.

Charon also reads tea leaves professionally, a skill she inherited from her grandmother on her mother’s side of the family. Tea-leaf reading is a wonderful and elegant form of entertainment, suitable for many time periods and venues.

Charon loves being on the road seeing new places and meeting new people. Want to catch Charon on the road for her live show? View her tour schedule here. Or, book Charon’s talent for your next event!

introducing our new contributing author…. the one and only, exceedingly beautiful, unashamedly cool, and piercingly intelligent, DIRTY LOTUS, whose slutty dating and sloppy drinking tribulations we are now privy to follow… enjoy reading LOTUS’ first post below. thanks dirty lotus : )

“STAY OR GO? TWO TAURUSES ALWAYS STAY” BY, DIRTY LOTUS

There comes a time in every single girl’s life when she has to make that age-old decision; stay or go. Does she GO out with the man in question, whom she may have been dating…let’s say…a few weeks? Traipse about in the wet rainy Houston eve, getting her Ralph Laurens soaked, so they can sit in some fattening little café sipping wine and exchanging banter? Banter that let’s face it- is really just verbal foreplay at this point? Or, does she opt for a different route and STAY; exchanging that same witty conversation over a nice drink, right there in the comfort of her quaint little single girl’s apartment.

Well, I chose option B last Saturday night; when my latest male conquest asked me if I wanted to get together. I thought the rain would be the perfect excuse to stay in. I was just a little California girl who didn’t know the proper Texas rainstorm etiquette. He was a lonely Detroit boy, lost in a sea of suburban developments and Whata-Burger food chains. So when I timidly suggested we stay in for the evening, he pretended to timidly agree.

To make the evening even more entertaining, Mr. Detroit and I were two of a kind. Taurus’s that is, 5 days apart (me, May 17th and he, the 12th). My only experience with the male Taurus species had been a few friends in college and an old neighbor of mine. I could never get passed the clone-like ridged disposition and the blatant sexual energy. Basically, they were way too much like…ME! But Mr. Detroit was different, laid back and not stubborn at all. In fact the only thing, in my humble opinion, that qualified him entitlement of the Taurus name was the fact that he was unequivocally the depiction of walking sex; tall, dark, chiseled and extremely handsome.

There I was rummaging through my closet trying to decide if I should wear an entire outfit or just throw on something casual. I finally decided to wear my favorite red strapless cotton vintage dress and touch up my toe nail polish. “There” I told my mirrored image, “You look pretty damn good.”

Later that evening Mr. Detroit and I sat on the couch sipping Sailor Jerry’s rum, Dole pineapple juice, with a slice of lemon on ice. We clinked our glasses together and sipped sloooowly. Jill Scott and Kings of Leon poured out of my stereo and we started to have the kind of conversation that isn’t’ trying to be anything but a conversation. We lent our inhibitions to the wind and relaxed long enough to genuinely enjoying ourselves; me and my abrasive sexual energy melted into demure flirtation, and he came into his Taruocity long enough to share his opinions. Three glasses of rum later and…

…Well, none of your business. (©2009 dirty lotus)

SAILOR JERRY & PINEAPPLE
1.0 splash Lemon juice
0.75 oz Pineapple
1.5 oz light Rum
Directions: shake, strain into cocktail glass

want more dirty lotus? visit her at I SAY HELLA, or just stay tuned to IZ.

THE PENIS IS RULED BY SCORPIO, MASTER OF ALL THINGS SEX. hold an intoxicated zodiac bachelorette party and have a fun, sexy, creative, naughty and memorable night!

to get the party started everyone gets a gift bag containing coasters, a shot glass in their zodiac sign (for tasting gwen’s cocktails), and an infusion jar to create their own love potion that night. check out the cute tag on the jar below:

the theme of the party was scorpio’s penis pepper. long and hard, bloody shade of red, spicy yet salty, J/K, just spicy ; )

any way you slice it (ouch, sorry boys) the chili pepper is ruled by mars, scorpio’s ancient ruler now considered co-ruled by pluto.

i demonstrate how to make culinary cocktails, based on the premise of medieval astrology where plants have signs like people. we use flower waters, jam, infused liquor, oil, and all sorts of unusual ingredients for each creation.

everyone gets a baroscope shot glass in their own zodiac sign to taste the cocktails. it’s a pretty intense hour and a half mixing pisco, cacacha, vodka, gin, tequila, rum… best done on a full stomach-eat before you come.

here i am… kvetching on cocktails.

i was watching the nature channel the other day and two scorpions were getting it on. those sick bugs stung each other. with real venom. a sting too much could have killed the other one, but that’s their idea of foreplay. just a side note here that scorpios can tend towards zodiacal sadism.

this is one proud mother. just look at that infusion… i believe it contained dried hibiscus petals, fresh ginger, mexican chocolate and fresh picked nasturtium flowers. funnily, joyce is a cancer, the mothering sign. what a mix, i’d love to taste that.

how 50′s pin up this? the bride, sarah, a scorpio herself! can you tell?

what bachelorette party is complete without the official penis martini glass? good to the last drop… mmnnn….

thanks to my friend and palmreader, miss. joyce another scorpio, for helping out.

say dicktini for the camera!

thanks to amanda aries, sarah scorpio, colleen scorpio, courtney cancer, joyce cancer for being such fun students. cheers to the groom bradley (capricorn), who found his match made in heaven. cappie and scorpio are two sexual powerhouses with stamina galore. their sex will indeed be hot until death do them part.

hold an intoxicated zodiac bachelorette party!

stemming back to my child hood days as a competitive gymnast, i still have the propensity to do cartwheels over a big, inviting, open surface when i see one. freshly mowed lawns are my all-time favorite surface to flip on, but a nice big, well-vacuumed carpet comes in a close second. such was the case with mr. libra III’s oriental rug. like the man himself, his carpet was irresistible… invitingly clean, no offensive odors, impeccably coordinated, constructed by the nimblest of fingers, top notch stuff. and like when we first met, the word no was suddenly absent from my vocabulary. it was a second date and i hardly knew him, but i knew it was too soon to be turning tricks on his rug. still, those fibers called and over i came. before i knew what was happening, nadia comănec’s athletic spirit possessed me for a spell… my body erected itself into a perfect handstand… and continued on to a perfectly executed pirouette… and finished with an impressive mid-air straddle. it was here that my shirt fell above my stomach, exposing a flash of flesh that had the same effect on mr. libra III that his rug had on me. almost against his will, over he came, cocktail in hand, not a splash made, eager to taste the flash of belly flesh. that was a very good day indeed, mr. libra III.

BELLY FLASH:

1 oz irish whiskey
1 oz flavoured water
ice

mr. libra III drinks his poison with tap water, but i recommend adding fruit-infused H2O to make the BELLY FLASH that much more palatable. girls beware: both of libra III’s and this ain’t no girly drink, take heed!

My wildest dream has come true… I will be having a trunk show at Henri Bendel New York this holiday season! Henri’s has long been one my fave shopping destinations in NYC. The coolest stuff in the whole city is somehow always found sitting on their shelves.

I will be personally unveiling Intoxicated Zodiac’s new ECO candle packaging that was designed specifically for Henri Bendel. It is super sexy and cheeky galore… like, what sexual garnish does your zodiac sign prefer, and what drinking game is best for your zodiac sign, and such…

so stop in and check it out anytime from december 8 through december 21. i hope to see you there!