today, october 17th, i went to the liquor store in nutley, new jersey. and what to my wondering eyes should appear? but a fucking christmas wreath, in fact many jolly wreaths strung up on lamp posts lining the street. ok, as jen would say, this town needs a TIME OUT. it’s not even near halloween yet, never mind thanksgiving. and for the record it was 75 degrees today and i was sweating bullets as i drove by this shocking display. but that’s another global warming topic for another unseasonably warm day. why am i ranting about wreaths in october? because it’s ridiculous and i want it stopped. bah humbug. can’t we celebrate one holiday at a time? ok, fine, walmart and the drug stores have some christmas stuff out, hidden in the back of the store. but such a blatant display? have some couth. granted, consumer buying has kept us out of a recession… but at least give us ’til halloween’s over before bombarding us with commercialism. kudos to nordstroms, who religiously abstains from holiday adversting until black friday. if only more stores would have that kind of class.

this season, make it a BIRD FRIENDLY HOLIDAY WREATH

this past week i ventured out of the empire state and into the wild wild west. didn’t find any gold… but i did find a whole bunch of interesting liquor! i’m feeling pretty deprived here in new york… when i go to the liquor store, i rarely find the particular bottle i seek, and have to special order it, if i’m lucky. in colorado liquor stores are conveniently located… like at the gas station! pretty cool, though not so much for the drinking and driving set. those cowboys know how to drink too… my friend was perpetually sipping a white russian. he was rarely seen without a water bottle in his hand, filled with a milky white liquid. kind of like chain smoking, but with alcohol. so i thought i’d share with you some spirits that i found, in between the white water rafting and rock climbing (ha, j/k). the aspens are just starting to turn, and the town that takes it’s name from that curious tree sits in the most beautiful valley. a feast for the eyes, along with colorado’s other amazing mountainous views.

the patron orange liqueur is really good. i plan to substitute it for cointreau. did’t taste the wild turkey, but hear it’s as sweet as honey.

i’ve got a goat fetish, so i had to buy this for my collection. it was good… smooth. as for the vampyre vodka, i didn’t taste this either. anything to do with vampires scares the crap outta me.

the highly recommended almond infused tequila was a score. delicious – who woulda thought? the margarita liquer, was good, but nothing to write home about. it’s essentially a mixer, good to serve on rocks.

finally, i found the cherry infused vodka that can’t be found anywhere in NY. very good, but on the sweet side. i can see it in a gussied up manhattan. didn’t taste the whiskey in the crock, but how cool is that packaging? they also had an alligator beer in a crock that i didn’t get a photo of.

fat tire beer turned about to be a real find. not a big beer fan, but wow, really good. not sweet, not bitter, just right. the company is wind powered and employee owned which makes it even better. as for the peach beer, yum, but only if you have a sweet tooth. i’ve had the raspberry before and it’s not quite as good. big fan of all the lambic fruit beers though.

biodegradeable water bottle, awesome! too bad in general colorado’s recycling standards are seriously lax. as for the mason jar whiskey, it’s aged less than 30 days… how insane is that? and no, i wasn’t insane enough to try it.

love this wooden cooler…

NOW FOR THE GEEKY TOURIST SECTION:
this crazy guy built, and continues to build, this fantasty castle by himself. BISHOP’S CASTLE is incredible. and his signage is even more incredible!

SOME OTHER INTERESTING COLORADO SIGHTINGS:

i approached the girl who owned this bike to ask why she had an engorged dick strapped to it, but she got caught up in a bar brawl with another biker chic, so i high tailed it outta there. i think they were fighting over the penis.

the aspen’s roots are all connected to other aspen trees. they are not separate root systems, unlike other plants. also, their leaves flap in the wind making a very distinct sound. they turn gold in the fall.

rock structures in GARDEN OF THE GODS and the CAVE DWELLINGS.

i’ve heard of natural spring water, but natural soda water? no! yes… it’s true, this fountain in COLORADO SPRINGS contains carbonated water. and it is really tasty. wish i had a spring like that outside my apartment, never have to buy seltzer for my mojito again!

i went to vegas a few weekends ago (8/25-8/28) and had the most random trip. allow me to outline some of the bizarro events that unfolded…

1. i sat in emergency seating on three legs of my four legged trip.
now i’ve traveled all over the world, and have never sat near the emergency exit before. it’s a little bit of a big deal… the stewardess make you say “yes, i am able to help” (in case our plane explodes into a gazillion tiny pieces). and if you don’t say it loud enough, she’ll make you repeat it. and do push ups. j/k.

2. i was standing at the top of an escalator in the airport and a woman fell down backwards on it. people were yelling, it was quite the scene. she had somehow positioned herself so that her head was towards the ground, and her feet were up in the air. one false move, and she was sliding down backwards. she was still there when i left to board my plane, surrounded by airport officials who wouldn’t let her move. i felt bad for her, kinda embarrassing.

3. out to dinner in a moroccon restaurant (see sexy above) and this crazy guy comes in and starts yelling. he picks up some wine glasses and threatens the staff and customers with them. he’s running around the tables in the restaurant screaming in some language that wasn’t english. it sounds funny, but it was a bit scary. finally the staff cornered him in a booth and talked him into putting down the glasses. one of the patrons had called the cops, and four cars showed up and reenacted a COPS scene for us. btw, these were donut-eating cops, and they knew how to throw someone down on a hood.

4. in an airport restaurant and decided that if i didn’t get to the powder room asap i would do myself permanent damage. so i told the couple next to me i’d be right back. um, yah, not so smart as it turns out. upon my return that same couple told me that my bag had started a bomb scare! they had to convince the manager not to call security. hmmnn… maybe next time i’ll pay attention to those loud-speaker announcements. i guess that one could have turned out a LOT worse.

5. the guy sitting next to me on the airplane had a heart attack. i had to flag down a steward and walk down the aisles of the plane asking for doctors. luckily, i found a nurse who administered CPR. he was laid down in the aisle next to my seat the whole trip home, and i thought he was dead for sure, but he lived. i sat on the stewardess’ bumper seat and we made an emergancy landing. after traipsing from one to terminal to another trying to catch a flight that didn’t exist, i missed my connection and spent the night at ramada inn. i must say though, that was some of the best tiramasu i’ve ever had. (in times of extreme duress, this vegan-inspired vegetarian allows herself to indulge in dairy laden desserts).

6. all of the above doesn’t even include the drama that was ongoing. such as changing my plane ticket three times, and just missing dinner dates, and getting tickets to an exclusive show and then losing them, and so forth and so on…

so for a three day trip, that’s kind of crazy no? i thought to myself, my god! what is the reason for all this insanity? could it possibly be related to my astrological chart? i asked molly Cliborne, of north-node.com for help on this befuddling tale. here’s what the astro sleuth turned up:

molly looked at the chart for the nutty weekend in question, superimposed on my natal chart. in it, she found a t-square with mercury as the focal point (a t-square is a stressful formation of planets that tends to show up as unsettled energies and conflicting needs or goals.). mercury occupied my 9th house, which rules long distance travel. and apparently, the other aspects happening were strange, dramatic and serious! see below for the technical jargon, but suffice it to say that some wild energy occured in my chart during my trip. now remember that mercury, planet of transportation, travel and the details thereof, is at the head of this t-square in my 9th house of long-distance travel. hanging around the position of my natal mercury the whole time, was pluto – planet of upheaval. so, in addition to all this intense t-square energy happening in my ninth house of travel… i have pluto, planet of life and death, acting out too! bear in mind that mercury is the planet of goings on around oneself, not necessarily oneself, keeping me at a comfortable distance from the drama.

now, if you’re interested in molly’s technical explanation, here it is:

gwen’s 9th house of long distance travel:

a t-square with mercury at the apex, conjunct the south node of the moon. (south node of the moon refers not to a pink floyd song, but in day-to-day life tends to bring up chaotic energies). also, retrograde venus conjunct saturn, (this makes for serious social interactions). gwen’s natal south node was at the midpoint of the conjunction, tying it together and making it very strong and personal to her – and leo made it a dramatic south node too. as the trip progressed, venus squared gwen’s mars in scorpio and applied to a square her natal saturn. (venus square mars brings out the “fight” in and around us, particularly in close relationships. scorpio makes everything intense).

and so, yes, in answer to my question, i found that my wacky trip was definitely related to planetary movements. as i believe so much of our lives are. why not have molly check out what the stars have in store for you?

oh, and next time you’re in vegas, eat at Marrakech. great food, and bellies.

i saw a huge absolut ad on the leaning tower of luxor, the egyptian themed hotel in las vegas, while i was there this week. i think it will end up saying, “welcome to vegas. you are now in an absolut world.” i thought it was pretty impressive.