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Friday, September 13, 2013

The Choupetterita: a Cocktail of Virgo

choupetteritaHappy Birthday Virgo… So who’s a Virgo? A lot of fashion designers! After all, this is the sign of perfection. And as we all know, the most stylish among always appear perfect. Perfection does not relax and Virgo doesn’t much either. It was Gucci’s Virgo, Tom Ford, that claimed he was his own muse. For Chanel’s Virgo, Karl Lagerfeld, perfection is embodied in his cat.

Virgos may occasionally get a rep of being cold, distant, hard to catch and aloof. I once heard someone say they’re a “friend to all, but friends with none.” Known for his bitter one-liners, Lagerfeld might just fit into this category. But thank god for pets, because I’m happy to report that one is melting his double C logo heart as we speak… Purrrr.

Lagerfeld has fallen head over heels with a very special lady friend: Choupette. The cat. The man has gone completely overboard. Pussy Galore. Obsessed. Just like any real Virgo would be, if they were to fall in love. He admits it himself: “I never though that I’d fall in love like this… but I would marry my cat if I could.”

Here’s how whipped hypercritical Karl the “other” Kaiser is (me being the first Kaiser). He’s hired two maids to attend solely to Choupette’s needs, and record a diary of her daily activities. She gets groomed twice a day and has appeared in 3 fashion mags in addition to starring in her own video. Her soft white fur is the inspiration behind a Chanel collection. As she’s got her own facebook and twitter account, of course she has an ipad too.

choupetteLagerfeld has stated, “Her name is Choupette, Princess Choupette or Miss Choupette. She’s snow white with touches of caramel around the eyes, ears and on her endless boa-like feather tail. She doesn’t like to eat on the floor, so I have to put the food on the table. Her dishes are by Goyard. She has one for water, one for her little croquette, and one for her pate. Everything is done with the eyes. She knows exactly what she wants.” For the record, Ms. Kitty is a leo. of course.

And in honor of their love, let’s have ourselves a Cocktail: The Choupetterita. This concoction stars the Fennel plant, with leaves as feathery as Choupette’s tail. Based on Medieval Herbal Astrology, plants with delicate, wispy, thin, feathery foliage are ruled by Mercury. As Mercury rules Virgo, fennel may be considered a Virgo. Paws up!


Muddle a sprig of fennel with ¾ oz light agave
And add:
1 oz white tequila
1/2 oz Crema de Mezcal
½ oz triple sec
½ oz fresh squeezed lime juice

Shake with ice and serve up or over ice. Be sure to double strain this one with a fine sieve the second time around.

mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

leo’s chariot awaits-our horoscope for next week

BEST ASTROLOGY REPORT EVER…. must see video for a dose of celestial reality! watch on


mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Sunday, July 7, 2013

my july baroscopes are up on chilled mag


did you read your july baroscope on chilled magazine by yours truly? get on over there to check out how many bars are in your stars!

mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

scorpio’s obamatini… congrats mr. president

baracktail.jpgcongrats to barack obama & joe biden! i am reposting this, now classic, presidential cocktail! LAMB MARTINI concocted this drink using “native obama ingredients,” such as, which comes from hawaii where barack spent much of his childhood. the cardomom-infused vodka is a tip to indonesia, another one of barack’s global stomping grounds. i personally added orange as a salut to leo, barack’s sun sign.

all though barack’s sun is in leo, due to the confusion with his birth certificate, his exact birth time is unknown and hence his rising sign can only be speculated at.

the cardomom flavor outweighs the flavors in this celebratory tipple, and for that reason, i claim this is a drink of scorpio. the spicy flavor of indonesia’s cardomom makes it an herb of mars, ancient ruler of SCORPIO.

ruler of death and rebirth, scorpio will assist in the killing our antiquated ways and help birth a new america. scorpio is the great healer, and the great destroyer…


* 1 oz rye
* 3/4 oz fresh lemon juice
* 1 oz pineapple juice (fresh is best) or 2 oz pineapple puree
* 1 oz cardamom vodka
* 1 oz fresh orange juice
* 1 oz homemade grenadine

Shake in a iced cocktail shaker, strain, serve in a cocktail glass. garnish with pomegranate seeds, pineapple wedge or orange twist.

cardomom vodka: add 1c cardomom pods to 750 ml vodka and infuse for about a week. strain and store.

grenadine: add the seeds from 1 pomegranate to 1 cup water and 1 cup sugar in sauce pot. Bring to boil, stir and allow to simmer for 30 minutes. Strain into final storage container, adding 1 oz vodka as a preservative. Store in fridge.

mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

trendhunter features intoxicated zodiac!

TRENDHUNTER.COM features intoxicated zodiac’s gwen sutherland kaiser (yup, me)… this site is where the cool people go to find out what’s cool. check it out here!

mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Monday, February 6, 2012

what’s your sign wine glass party

throw a WHAT’S YOUR SIGN WINE GLASS PARTY, complete with tarot card reader, astrologer and numerologist.

UVA SPA & WINE did just that… and it was a hit. why? because astrology is HOT. astrology is what the BEAUTIFUL people are into. it’s what the celebrities like. but you know what i say? celebs, schmelebs. astrology is what REAL people are into! OCCUPY

WHAT’S YOUR SIGN GLASSES are beautiful on the outside, and the inside too. they are brimming over with integrity:

***ANCIENT QUOTE: “We are born at a given moment, in a given place and, like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year and of the season of which we are born.Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.~Carl Jung”


BOYS like astrology too.

SERIOUS stuff going on here (with an anything but serious sign, aries), pouring the nectar of the gods. something they are excel at, i might ad ; )


leos always LOVE anything INTOXICATED ZODIAC. look at all those orange leo glasses below!

awww, love those sweet little cancers.


gemini, i guess you’re ok too.

mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Monday, October 19, 2009

did you know that martha… a) has a new cookbook B) is a zodiacal intoxicant

today a very famous LEO signed her latest cook book for me… martha stewart has always been one of my favorite american icons. perhaps it’s because we both have a scorpio ascendant in our charts — i’ve blogged her DIY projects several times on this site. i just love her magazine, her product lines, her love for pets, her animal rights activist daughter, and most recently, her fondness for astrological libations. yes you heard me correctly… the june and november issues of martha’s LIVING magazine feature a cocktail recipe for both gemini and scorpio! i’ve been going on about astro tipples for years now, and there’s always room for another perspective on an infinitely interesting subject. hey, who doesn’t love to drink with the stars? welcome to the party martha!

MARTHA STEWART’S DINNER AT HOME is brand spanking new, and today was martha’s very first signing to promote the book. she dedicates the book “to all the homemakers in america, pressed for time yet caring for their families.” my favorite feature of the book is the way it’s divided according to the four seasons, spring, summer, fall and winter, which makes eating seasonally just that little bit easier. martha then creates 13 four course menus for each season, making sure to include carnivore, vegetarian and vegan meals among them. along the way, she highlights certain foods such as rhubarb — pointing out that this vegetable is not a fruit! vanilla stewed rhubarb, mint pesto, rosemary yorkshire puddings, minty green tea milkshakes, coffee with cognac and cardamom and tequila-soaked lemon sorbet are just a few mouth-watering recipes to be found in this handy collection. ($35)


mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Cocktail Sword by Charon Henning

charon-smallMeet The Most Dangerous Beauty Alive… traveling Sword Swallower Charon Henning. We here at IZ are extremely fortunate to have been selected by the aforementioned for the publishing of Charon’s new column, The Cocktail Sword. Let’s give her a warm welcome, a big thanks, some clickage on her blogs: THE SWORD SWALLOWER and ODD ANGEL, and maybe even catch her show live!

Our Airstream is a Leo with a Libra Ascendant. We know this because we have the original bill of sale from the 27th of July, 1966.

I am firmly of the belief that an Airstream, or any other travel trailer or RV, is not officially born until it passes into the hands of its first family (I feel this way about tattoo machines as well, but that’s for another post for another time). Sitting stationary on a dealer’s lot or just outside of the factory is a form of gestation, a time of waiting, of being open to growth when the time is right. The addition of the human element, and subsequent elements that it brings, such as the sharing of food, warmth and companionship, are truly what breathed life into our beloved 1966 Airstream Safari. The entire 22 foot length is brimming with stories and history, which we have been continuing to create with it since the turn of the Millenium.

Currently our family consists of two swordswallowers, one an Aries with a Cancer Ascendant, the other (me) a Scorpio with a Cancer Ascendant, a hairless Sphynx cat, a Virgo with a Scorpio Ascendant (which, now that I think on it, explains an awful lot about her behavior that I’d originally attributed to her breed … ), and the Airstream. All travel brings adventure, all meals are an event and, if you don’t mind me saying so, the sex is pretty awesome. At least for us. The cat’s been spayed. (we call her Brundlefly.)

Given the above variables, it should come as no surprise that we keep a well-stocked cocktail lounge on board. Since we have limited space, we have to choose our bottles, flasks and flavors very carefully. There are foundation liquors to be considered, especially among those of us born under signs that are very much about physicality and the pleasures derived therein. We must always have a few staple items on board at all times and each must serve at least two purposes in the grand scheme of mixology. There are social issues to be considered as well. Living full time in a modern aluminum gypsy wagon means our community changes with the seasons, sometimes with each sign in the heavens, and once the level and style of tippling, or lack thereof, has been established, we know approximately what to bring with us to a gathering.sword.jpg

Generally between 4 and 6 each afternoon the residents of a given campground, fairground, or even the odd truck stop, will come together for some fellowship, story sharing and general face time. At this time each Autumn we find ourselves toting along one of our annual favorites, right as the leaves are changing, when there’s a snap in the air and when something warm to drink is preferable to anything rocks or shaken. Between Mabon and Samhain is, in our opinion, the very perfect time for mulled wine.

Wine is a perfect libation for the time of year when active external energies are waning and quieter introspective energies are one the rise. Dryer red wine is what we always mull, being signs that prefer the rich full bodied flavors of the dark reds, and we offset the slightly bitter taste of the darker cabernets with local honey as we heat it over the open flame of our stove. To this mixture we add allspice, ginger, nutmeg, orange peel, cinnamon, cloves and lemon peel, all spices that complement the seasonal apple harvest as well as the other edible gourds that grace our tables during this time of year. On the chance that we lack one or more of these spices in our pantry, or are simply pressed for time before we gather with others, we have on board as a backup single serving tea bags of Organic Mulling Spices from R.W. Knudsen Family, four bags of which will satisfactorily mull an entire bottle of wine. A little less than half an hour’s simmering will generally suffice.

Being able to buy locally is one of the pleasures of this sort of ambulatory life, and we explore local flavors more fully at this time of year than at any other. The quality of local wines varies greatly but we have never yet been disappointed by any of the small family owned and run vineyards that welcome people each Autumn to their lands offering the same sort of fellowship all of us on the open road enjoy regularly. Many will package their own combinations of wine, honey and spices together for purchase and it is never a bad idea to invest in such a kit, the ingredients having been selected by those who know their product best.

So as the weather chills a bit we will regularly enjoy the pleasures of mulled wine as a complement of the season, watching the steam rise from our mugs as we step outside in the evenings, able to see every star in the sky from our front yard, wherever that might happen to be. As we transition from Libra to Scorpio in the heavens it is a grand time to reward your previous month’s balancing act with a bit of sensual goodness straight from your local vineyard. Enjoy!

*1 bottle red wine of your choosing (we prefer the dryer to the sweeter)
*1 cinnamon stick
*1/4 teaspoon whole cloves
*1/2 teaspoon each of the following, wrapped in cheesecloth and tied
(Organic is always best … ):
orange peel
lemon peel
*Organic honey to taste

Combine all in a pot on the stove or over a fire, bring to a low boil and reduce heat to simmer, stirring, for about half an hour. Ladle into mugs to serve and go slowly! It hits you like a well-aimed pillow.

charon-sword-largerCheers~Charon, The Most Dangerous Beauty Alive

Charon Henning is one of a handful of female sword swallowers in the world today. She’s performed on carnival midways and at wine tastings, on theater stages and grassy lots.

Charon also reads tea leaves professionally, a skill she inherited from her grandmother on her mother’s side of the family. Tea-leaf reading is a wonderful and elegant form of entertainment, suitable for many time periods and venues.

Charon loves being on the road seeing new places and meeting new people. Want to catch Charon on the road for her live show? View her tour schedule here. Or, book Charon’s talent for your next event!

mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Zodiac Jell-O Shots for the Soul

the following was written by guest blogger Beth–thanks beth!

When you dig deep enough you find all sorts of astrological correspondences associated with different mystic schools of thoughts. From the twelve paths in the Jewish Kabbalah to tarot cards associated with each of the signs, astrology is everywhere. Practicing my own form of mysticism I’d like to propose just one more, that of the mystic art of Jell-O Shots. Now before you laugh, this system is a very carefully thought out, taking all of ten minutes, like most good pop spiritualism. It is based on the Jell-O system of colors and flavors and the propensity of each astrological sign to enjoy them.

There is a wealth of information on the Internet on how to create Jell-o shots, from actual recipes to recommendations to containers, so I won’t bore you with the details here. Seeing that there is only one good way to down a Jell-O shot, straight up, with a sharp intake of breath, it is also appropriate to do so in a meditative state, full of the awareness of the stuff of life, while reciting your particular mantra for the experience. So mix up your iconic flavor and follow me to the path of true enlightenment, or at least a good time, now that you have the appropriate guide.

aries-jello.jpgAries–Full of fire and energy, your color is red, your flavor strawberry, reminding you of the innocence of your youth and that awful strawberry wine you used to down while trying to woo the women or when the men tried to woo you. Meditation: Slow down and pay attention and you may reduce the number of accidents you experience. You just may lower of your insurance bill as well.

taurus-jello.jpgTaurus-For sensual Taurus, there just isn’t the right Jell-O flavor as unfortunately there is no chocolate jell, only Jell-O pudding, which does poorly as a Jell-O shot. However, with a little extra patience, with which you abound, and creativity, you can mix up clear gelatin and amaretto for a perfectly delightful Jell-O shot experience. Meditation: Why do the best things in life come with such a high price tag and when is there a sale?

gemini-jello.jpgGemini–For the twins there are two options, lemon or lime, these corresponding to the two most prolific colors in your personal color pallet. Yes, Gemini, your wardrobe is just as talkative as you are, to the everlasting amusement of the people you know. Case in point, Hillary Clinton has Uranus in Gemini sitting on her Ascendant. She has this absolutely hideous yellow suit she insists on wearing. Some people just shouldn’t dress themselves and this might include you. That hardly matters to you as you are just in it for the good time anyway, Gemini. Meditation: Why do people think I talk too much? And why won’t they tell me about it?

cancer-jello.jpgCancer–No one deserves a delicious taste treat more, and just about no one enjoys it better than you, if you can calm that nervous stomach, that is. You take care of everyone and then wonder why no one takes care of you, leading you to speculate if anyone really loves you. Relax, Cancer. While it may not help you find true love, a Pina Colada Jell-O shot will lead you in the right direction. Meditation: Can I buy those antique lamps without my spouse finding out?

leo-jello.jpgLeo-the color that represents you, your majesty, is the color of sun and the color of true money, gold. And since you are a friendly sort, welcoming all kinds of people into your sphere to serve you, pineapple is the Jell-O flavor that best represents your sun shiny personality. Meditation: What can I do to get more attention? I deserve it, don’t I?

virgo-jelloo.jpgVirgo–Classic astrologers associate the color white with Virgo, seeing you are so pure and all. (Yeah, right!). And believe it or not, Jell-O has accommodated you with a special flavor, Margarita, which contains all the sweet goodness of the original. In the true spirit of Virgo, the saltiness is concealed within a pleasing picture of refinement and good taste. Just make sure you don’t down too many of these or your stomach will scold you like you scold the kids. Meditation: Why does my spouse say that I’m too critical? I’ll give ‘em a piece of my mind for that one.

libra-jello.jpgLibra–Reference works are just as indecisive as you are, dear Libra, when it comes to ascribing a color to you. One site said, “Any color that is pleasing to the eye.” This only reflects your propensity for taking everyone’s sides in arguments, since you seek harmony above all things. After much consideration and experimentation, this astrologer ascribes the Jell-O flavor “mixed fruit” to your sign, as it seeks, just as you do, to achieve harmonious blending of diverse flavors. Meditation: Why do people want me to make decisions?

scorpio-jello.jpgScorpio–Simmering with life’s forbidden passions, you are symbolized by both the color black and red. This is why the flavor black cherry is tailor made for you. No stranger to the world of alternate experiences, Scorpio, you find this flavor association perhaps reminiscent of childhood cold remedies, but hey, you enjoyed those too. Meditation: How can I convince the cutie in the corner to come home with me?

sag-jello.jpgSagittarius–Your traditional color is purple, leading us to the ubiquitous grape Jell-O shot. But you are fire sign as well, as if you are not so copasetic with imbibing things reminiscent of childhood cold remedies, like our Scorpio friends. Give perky peach a try. Meditation: What excuse can I give the boss today?

capricorn-jello.jpgCapricorn–Taciturn Saturn ruled people are not left out in the cold by our friends at Jell-O. The flavor cranberry was created just for you, with that sharp sweet tartness we’ve come to know from you. Whether you are hobnobbing with the gentry or slumming with the Jones, this taste treat will make people think twice about you. Meditation: What dirt can I dig up on the boss so I can win that promotion?

aquarius-jello.jpgAquarius–I don’t know why people keep calling you quirky. After all, Aquarius, you are a true pioneer, marching to the beat of your own drummer, showing the rest of us where the fun is to be had. While the world catches up with you, catch a berry blue Jell-O shot that will help you resonate to the forces of the Universe. Meditation: Why do people call me weird and why don’t I care?

pisces-jello.jpgPisces–Lovely, ephemeral Pisces deserves something as effervescent as you are. For you, dear Pisces, I recommend the flavor apricot, which is just as unusual, just as refined and just a difficult to find as you are. Meditation: Why is the boss looking for me?

Beth is a professional astrologer with over twenty years experience counseling clients in career and relationship issues. Following in the footsteps of mediocre writers who start their own religions, Beth has decided to promote spiritual enlightenment through jell shots tied to astrological associations. She promises though that there is no need to find “clear” or that mysterious forces other than natural spirits will not take over your body. However, since Beth also promotes moderation in all things, to the vexation of her family, the use of Jell-O shots for enlightenment does not give her followers carte blanche to get blotto in the name of spiritual attainment. You can reach her at for further guidance. Beth can be found at

mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

Monday, September 14, 2009

celestial-themed weddings

this spring i designed a marriage sign shot glass candle for arielle & russell. their nuptuals were performed on may 2nd, making their sacred union a taurus.

the bride and groom’s sign have don’t have much to do with their marriage sign, all though their marriage sign can impact their “couple personality.” for example, my sister is a reserved, shrewd, sensitive cancer. she got married under the sign of leo and now she’s throwing parties. normally this would have been out of character for her, but not only is there a new husband in her new life, but a new celestial influence… she just gave her hubby a set of MARRIAGE SIGN SHOT GLASSES for their tenth anniversary!

wed-book.pngfor more on marriage sign astrology check out my nuptual readings, or buy STAR GUIDE TO WEDDINGS by april elliott kent, or, visit IT’S ABOUT TIMING to calculate the most auspicious time for you and your partner to get hitched. whatever you do, think twice about saying i do on saturday. the day of saturday is ruled by saturn, the harsh planet of constriction.


arielle was really into the fact that intoxicated zodiac donates a portion of their proceeds to animal-related charity–AND–that we are also environmentally friendly. soy wax candle, recycled paper, the whole nine…. let’s raise our glasses to arielle and russell… cheers!


“A Taurus Marriage: Arielle & Russell
When a wedding is held Apr 20-May 20, that marriage belongs to Taurus.
Thus, this union is permanently imbued with these Taurean traits:
BULLISH DETERMINATION… A toast to the stellar couple… Cheers!”


this august, shelly & brendan realized their leo dream-wedding: “navigating by the stars.” see pics below, but first let me explain the concept of marriage sign astrology: everything with a beginning has a sign. hence, the day on which you exchange vows determines your marriage’s sign.
below we have the leo marriage sign shot glass i designed for shelly & brendan. we actually printed leo’s celestial cocktail recipe, rose geranium gimlet, on the back instead of a reading.

we decorated the cake with constellations… one of which was leo. notice the boat cake topper…

MRS. SHELLY DIY, used compasses instead of traditional place cards. she glued the name and table of each guest inside the compass and instructed guests to take them home.

the seas were explored by starlight and compass…

a nautical globe to set the mood in cocktail hour…

instead of a lame old guest book, we found a colossal manuscript from taschen with ancient maps of the heavens and seas printed inside. every page of this incredible book was either beautiful, informative or outright awesome. guests signed their names to which ever page they saw fit. (the feather pen was from michaels.)


image010.jpgon the deck, we set up a telescope. this was a HUGE hit with the kids, and i highly recommend it for any wedding just to keep ’em busy. (forgot to snap a pic, so photo credit here)

MRS. SHELLY DIY created the three-sided menu stands. on one side she printed the constellation. on the other side she listed the history of the discovery of the constellation. and on the third side (sorry i forgot to snap a pic again), she listed the menu. all the while pasting glittery, sparkly stars across the whole thing. how leo! did i mention shelly’s a leo?




a toast to this stellar couple’s future indeed! cheers shelly & brendan…

This past June, my Libran sister and her Virgoan husband got hitched under the sign of Gemini. Nuptual Astrologer, April Kent, chose the most auspicious date for them to exchange vows. This is what she recod:

“Friday, June 10, 2011, 6:20 pm MDT, Canon City, CO: A very nice chart with the Moon in Libra (past its constricting conjunction with Saturn), the sign of marriage, approaching harmonious aspects to the Sun/Mercury in Gemini; a lovely, chatty, curious, lively energy. Venus is also in Gemini, and at 6:20 it’s in the 7th house along with the Sun and Mercury …. nice. Venus is sextile Uranus (to keep things lively and spontaneous) and trine Saturn (financial prudence and stability), but also approaching a quincunx with Pluto in the 2nd… taken together, this could spell some financial adaptations/compromises that need to be made. Mars is a little close to the descendant at this hour and might indicate a certain amount of bickering (though you’ll tend to have long fuses; physical exercise could provide a healthy channel for this energy). Overall, this is a nice chart for communication, socializing, reaching harmonious compromises, and enjoying new experiences. Window of opportunity: Say your vows between 6:08 p.m. (Mars leaves the 7th house) and 6:30 p.m. (after which the last few – unpleasant – degrees of Taurus are on the 7th house cusp).”

Since my sister was now planning her ceremony around Gemini’s celestial influence, she of course had to include that theme in her reception. Intoxicated Zodiac Marriage Sign favors accomplished this perfectly, and they are photographed here beautifully.

Inside the shot glass there are dried lavender petals to signify Gemini’s influence and dried Rose petals to symbolize love, both of which can be infused into sugar syrup and then made into a cocktail at home!

A Welcome Drink was served to greet guests that was ruled by sign of Gemini: a simple Lavender Martini. Lavender is ruled by Mercury and is hence a Gemini.

Some old bottles were then painted and labelled with the Gemini Marriage Sign Reading and used as props to spiff up the Marriage Sign concept so guests could understand it more easily.

Here i am, showing off my Lavender Martini! Fleur and Jesse are shown here exchanging Gemini vows… Ironically, Fleur means flower in French.

Overall the reception was a total hit, with no small thanks to the smashing Welcome Cocktail, and the unique favors which enthused the guests to no end… Not to mention the dogs!

mixed by Gwen-Intoxicated Zodiac

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Imbibe wisely!