scorpio is anything but simple. in fact, they tie with capricorn for the title of most complex sign. often times misunderstood, and other times just completely unreadable. i have several scorpio friends and i can’t tell you how they constantly shock the shit out of me. they often seem to live double lives… the life they want you to see, and their own private underworld to which even their most intimate friends are closed off from. i’ve actually found that scorpios appear to be almost simpleton-like on the surface… blissfully unaware of the pain that is life, or the opposite… unfortunately unaware of the pleasure that life can be. i must have spent hours pondering my scorpion friend’s deceptively simplistic outlook on life. how can they be so one dimensional i ask myself? and then they hit me when i least expect it with: i’m quitting my job of five years to do absolutely nothing, or i’m moving across country forever, or i’m breaking up with the woman i was engaged to marry, or i’ve wanted to sleep with you for the last six years, or i’ll never forgive that person who still thinks i’m their good friend! and this grand plan that they’ve been mentally perfecting for months on end comes to fruition and hatches into this monstrous chick that will eat us all alive. i am always left wondering, how did i miss that one coming? so, in honor of the most seemingly naive, yet uber complicated signs, i bring you one of the simplest, yet most delectable tipples. compliments of the god of war herself, mars’ red currant smash is deliciously trite, and unexpectedly addictive… it’s just smashing, darlling, like the scorpion queen herself.

SMASHING DARLING (red currant smash)

3 oz vodka
3 oz raw organic simple syrup
1/2 oz fresh lemon juice
2 handfuls red currants

muddle everything but vodka in low ball glass. when macerated, add ice and vodka. stir and serve.

NOTE: some peeps love the floating berries. strain the drink if you think you’ll mind them.

now you might think i’d be all against using blatantly out of season produce, such as the red currant. but keep in mind, to add yet more complexity to scorpio’s red currant, that there is sometimes less of a carbon footprint to import something than there is to grow that same something locally. hard to keep it all straight, isn’t it? i’m not sure about the red currants i purchased specifically, but it’s just food for carbon thought.

the punishing sign of the scorpion holds watch over the valley of life and death. as swiftly as their co-ruling planet, pluto, delivers the final knock down punch, scorpio will be up again, ready for round two. raid, bug be gone, nothing can kill the scorpion. (actually, i hear that’s quite true in some parts of the states where they’re apparently as prolific than termites). those born under the sign of scorpio carry that sense of seriousness, intensity, drama - and as molly reminded me - that powerful healing energy with them at all times. such painful antics would have many signs fold, but scorpio just takes the lickin and keeps on tickin. of course that carries through to their love life too. they like sex. a lot. kinky & twisted or just overwhelmingly passionate, it’s probably not missionary tonight.

which brings us to our liquor at hand, the recently legalized ABSINTHE - which we can drink tonight, for the first time in many years! the perfect spirit with which to celebrate the upcoming REPEAL DAY on december 5th, which is the anniversary of the day the United States repealed the Eighteenth Amendment and gave us all the constitutional right to consume alcohol”. why, thank you jeffrey.

so like why is ABSINTHE a scorpio? well, i’ll tell you! it is ruled by scorpio’s OTHER co-ruling planet - mars. legalized only a few months ago, absinthe is made from highly potent wormwood, along with some other herbs and flavored with anise. wormwood by itself is actually poisonous, and in medieval times was used to cure all sorts of ailments, especially those having to do with the stomach. like worms. and like killing them. in people’s stomachs. ew. but true. oh speaking of turning stomachs, did you know that MARILYN MANSON has hopped on the celebrity spirit bandwagon with his very own brand of ABSINTHE named MANSINTHE. kudos for hawking something other than vodka!

UNTO DEATH (absinthe & black current)

4 oz blackcurrant juice
1/2 oz vodka
1/2 oz absinthe
1/2 oz cassis
3 dashes agnostura bitters
ice

add all ingredients to shaker and shake well without ice. pour over ice and serve.
(recipe created by gwen sutherland kaiser)

buy absinthe here, and get one bottle FREE!

thanks to JEFFREY MORGENTHALER for hosting MXMO XXII.

today i attended the now famous GARLIC FESTIVAL in new york’s hudson valley. what started out with a few farmers getting together after the harvest for a garlic pot luck dinner has turned into a major tourist attraction. the two day event draws 50,000 visitors who can watch cooking lessons, learn gardening tips, listen to live music, buy arts and crafts and of course, sample many types of GARLIC flavored food!

garlic is a scorpio. not because it’s odorous breath strikes you when you least expect it - the next day, through your pores… but because of it’s spicy personality, it is ruled by the feisty planet of mars. not only that, but due to garlic’s regenerative powers, it is also ruled by pluto. to grow garlic, you simply bury it in the garden - the bulb will regenerate itself into a plant over the winter! the outermost planet is one of life and death, whose nature is exhibited in the rising of the phoenix, or the growing cycle of a garlic plant, or if you will, the undead vampire. scorpio will not be extinguished easily, and this little clove is soooo scorpion in nature!

and who can forget it’s vampire-fighting capabilities? just in time for halloween cocktails!

BITE ME NOT
3 oz freshly extracted apple juice (substitute unpasteurized cider if you don’t have)
2 oz garlic-infused gin*
1 1/2 raw simple syrup*
1/2 fresh squeezed lemon juice

GARLIC-INFUSED GIN
chop up 3 cloves garlic and put in 750 ml bottle of gin. allow to sit in dark place for 3 days to 3 weeks. agitate to expedite infusion time. strain and store.

RAW SIMPLE SYRUP
shake in container a mixture of half water and half raw organic sugar until dissolved. store in fridge.

(created by gwen sutherland kaiser)

FUNNEL CAKES WITH CARAMELIZED GARLIC

GARLIC ICE CREAM

GARLIC COOKIES

GARLIC INCENSE

thanks to KUCHENLATEIN for hosting WEEKEND HERB BLOGGING #102.

Like the stinging tail of a scorpion, so goes down the taste of this lovely libation. As my scotch-loving Pisces gramps would say, down the long red road. Smooth, refreshing and mildly sweet… until the rhubarb reminds you of it’s sign, with a sharp little love bite on the way out. Gotcha. Thought you could escape without rhubarb’s piercing nip, think again. We’re talking about a Scorpion plant here! Ruled by Pluto and co-ruled by Mars - intensity, sex, death, rebirth, strong will, possessiveness and vengefulness are all traits of the sign. That’s a party I wanna go to. I think. Another tell tale sign that rhubarb is owned by Mars, is it’s reddish color. So without further ado…

RHUBARB DAIQUIRI
3 oz white rum
4 tbs coconut milk
7 tbs stewed rhubarb*
1 c crushed ice
rhubarb stick for garnish

Puree all ingredients in blender until smooth. Garnish with stick of rhubarb. Guzzle.

*STEWED RHUBARB
Chop 6 c fresh rhubarb and combine with 1 1/2 c sugar and 1/2 c water in saucepot. Simmer until rhubarb is broken down and mushy. if mixture gets too thick, add more water. (Recipe created by Gwen Sutherland Kaiser).

Scorpio has only recently acquired her co–ruling planet, Pluto, with it’s discovery in 1930. Up until that point, the sign of Scorpio was thought to be governed by the planet Mars. The intensity, passion, aggression and energy of the red planet are still very much present in Scorpios today. But the outer planet of Pluto adds depth to their character by throwing rebirth, death, secrecy and sex into the mix. “Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned” was surely said of a Scorpio chick. What better drink to capture this sign’s mysterious essence than LOVE BURNS? The secret plutonium ingredient in this intriguing concoction is black pepper. Governed by Mars, black pepper is an herb of Scorpio, due to it’s spicy kick. So Dear Scorpio, prepare to enjoy an innocent enough chocolate martini—totally adulterated by a plant of your own likeness! A complex concoction, to match your equally complex nature.

LOVE BURNS:

INGREDIENTS:
- 1 oz black pepper and dark chocolate infused vodka*
- 1 oz Godiva chocolate liqueur
- 1 oz cream OR SILK SOY CREAMER

DIRECTIONS:
Add ingredients to ice filled shaker and shake rather hard for ten seconds. Pour into rather cold martini glass. Garnish and Enjoy.

*To infuse vodka, grate half cup dark chocolate and grind quarter cup black pepper into 750 ml bottle. allow to sit for a few weeks in dark location, stirring occasionally. strain into final storage container.

*Garnish with square of dark chocolate (slit with heated knife to allow chocolate to sit on rim of glass)

(Recipe created by Gwen Sutherland Kaiser)

ALSO TRY: Cardamom Almond & Black Pepper Chocolate Pinwheel Cookies