i’m so exited i can hardly contain myself… yours truly is now writing a printed column! like, on real paper. from trees. (sorry planet)

every month you can catch “ZODIAC COCKTAILING WITH GWEN” in the new MOD MAGAZINE out of florida (from st. petersburg to sarasota to be exact). so be sure to pick up a copy if you live in that area, and if you don’t, no worries—you can peruse the first issue online at the MOD MAGAZINE website.

cocktail culture magazines seem to be the new “it-niche” and i am glad to be part of it! check out these other fine drinking publications:

IMBIBE out of portland, DRINK ME out of san fransisco, and it has been brought to my attention that there are two brand new international cocktail magazines. one is based in london and the other is based in paris. i wish i could get more info on them. anyone?

of course it is only fitting that new york’s LA PALAPA is serving their version of the traditional mexican drink, the Horchata. after all, LA PALAPA ROCKOLA is a LEO! check out the review i wrote detailing its LEOAN traits… so, the HORCHATA is a leo because cinnamon is a leo. i could choose any ingredient as the sun sign of this drink, but after making it at home myself, i found the cinnamon to be the dominant flavor. dominant in a good way, not an overpowering one!

and in researching this post i found that cinnamon actually comes from the bark of a tree. who the hell knew that? sri lanka originally, all though now the Zeylanicum, laurel or Cassia tree is now grown in any tropical climate. it is actually the inside of the bark scraped off in the same manner that cork is made. fascinating stuff, no? oh and don’t worry, harvesting does not harm the tree. i mean– i guess it feels some tree pain… but it soldiers on, not unlike the rest of us!

so, yeah… without an incredible amount of relentless sun, cinnamon would not be, and that is why it is a leoan herb. for leo is the golden goddess, the hot blooded, sunny disposed personality of the zodiac. most of the time, that is ; )

the HORCHATA is a mexican specialty cocktail, or cocteles especial!

LA PALAPA HORCHATA
2 oz Vanilia vodka
splash Amaretto (1/2 oz)
1 1/2 oz milk OR organic rice milk
splash simple syrup (1/2 oz)
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
***Mix in a shaker full of ice.Chill and shake until frothy. Serve up in a chilled glass – garnish with a cinnamon quill
By Steve Mercado

VISIT LA PALAPA ROCKOLA

this week, COMIDA will unveil the BEEKEEPER MARTEANI in honor of earth day. made with organic honey syrup, and chamomile tea-infused organic vodka, this is a leoan libation. yes, the sunny chamomile flower belongs to leo, the sign that loves to be loved. leo should indeed be honored with such a prestigious launch date for she wants nothing more than to be recognized for her outstanding efforts… think madonna, think obama. i have quite a few leo friends and they are all excellent, kind, and conscientious workers. similar to the honey bee, they quietly toil. but unlike the honey bee, they won’t be content to drone on without some pats on the head or a bowl of creamy honey. so give the good little leos in your life some acknowledgment… those kind words will recharge them in the most literal sense. we love ya leo! and we love the honey bee too…

albert einstein (pisces) said that without bees, mankind will have four years to live. this is because they cross pollinate our food supply and without them to do it for us, we will do it ourselves at a woefully sad pace. a.k.a. we’ll starve to death. he wasn’t a dummy, mr. einstein, so he might be onto something with his dire prediction. bee die off is a collassal problem at present, due to colony collapse disorder. we believe this illness is a form of mass bee suicide caused by A) pesticide and herbicide B) genetically modified organism crops C) cell phone signals bouncing of satellites; electro magnetic radiation D) over work (we don’t even let bees hibernate anymore but wake them up in the dead of winter and ship them out to california to pollinate almonds). you think you need a vacation? i would wanna kill myself too if i were a bee!

i hope i’ve established that colony collapse disorder is a real phenonmon, and one what we all need to concern ourselves with remedying. COMIDA is doing a little something to help… every time you order a BEE KEEPER MARTEANI at COMIDA (82nd st & columbus ave, nyc… near the children’s museum of new york and the american museum of natural history) they will donate $1 to PlanBeeCentral.com. wait, it gets better! COMIDA uses 100% organic honey to create this philanthropic cocktail and that stuff is not cheap. i do believe organic honey is one of the most expensive organic products you can possibly buy. think about it… the farmer must section off vast acreage of pesticide, herbicide and GMO-free crops. you can imagine how many flowers it takes to make just one drop of honey. but the lucky bees that get to make it… i am sure those are some of the happiest and thankful bees on the planet! i bet they get up every morning and can’t wait to get to work!

so happy earth day everyone, and please stop in at COMIDA to taste my (and leo’s) latest tipple, the BEE KEEPER MARTEANI.

BEE KEEPER MARTEANI:
(martini glass, up)

2 oz chamomile infused organic vodka
1 ½ oz chamomile organic honey tea syrup
½ oz lime
comb honey (carefully cut one square out and rest on side of glass for garnish)

***to infuse chamomile organic vodka, steep 10 tea bags in 750 ml bottle for one week.
***to make organic honey syrup, combine 1 cup organic honey with 3 cups hot water.

while all colors are powerful, orange is exceptionally so. i suppose it is no coincidence that the mighty sign of leo is associated with the color orange. the second chakra is our seat of power, our gut, our intuition–and it is orange. when our inner orange speaks, we would do well to listen. monks don orange colored robes as a sign of wisdom. not just intelligence, but wisdom learned or channeled from a higher source, or even our higher selves. you’re loving this, aren’t you leo? lordess of the zodiac, lady marmalade!

LADY MARMALADE is one of my all time fave songs known best for it’s naughty, aggressive and oversexed lyrics (especially for it’s time). “voulez-vous coucher avec moi c’est soir?” or in english, “would you make love to me tonight?” well, wouldn’t you know–the color orange also symbolizes pleasure, as in unquenchable lust. considering leo is essentially a big ball of orange fur, i’m thinking this pussy cat’s pretty good in the sack. am i right leo?

LADY MARMALADE

1 oz scotch
1 1/2 tbsp marmalade
1 oz honey syrup
1 oz fresh lemon juice

stir exceedingly well, or shake vigorously over ice. strain into ice packed-lowball glass.

***honey syrup: 1 c water, 1/2 c honey. heat on stove until dissolved (should be a few minutes on simmer). add splash of vodka and store in fridge.

wanna know about the spiritual manifestations of the color orange, or any other color for that matter? read TONY & TINA COLOR ENERGY. via intoxicated zodiac

LEO is a lady of the sun. imagine her beautifully bronzed skin, drenched in golden jewels and dripping with sensuous sunshine… makes you want to lick her all over. as the feline l’amour that she is, she’d kindly return that succulent favor. as with all golden fruits, the kumquat is ruled by the sun. due to its constrictive size it possesses some virgoan traits as well. but this is a leoan baby – and that’s exactly what leo wants to be… babied and fondled, as you would your favorite kitty. show your willingness to satisfy the wild beast within, and this ferocious feline will invite you to kum hither to her loving lair. provided you bring with you, a sacrificial offering (i’m assuming you don’t want to be it). it is in your best interest to arm yourself with as many KUM HITHER KUMQUAT COCKTAILS as you can carry. that lion gets real thirsty.

KUM HITHER KUMQUAT (KUMQUAT KOOLER)

1.5 oz Pisco
1 simple syrup
1 oz kumquat puree*
1 oz fresh squeezed lemon juice
seltzer

add Pisco, simple syrup, lemon juice, kumquat puree to ice filled shaker. strain mixture through a fine sieve into an ice filled collins glass and top with a splash of seltzer. stir and garnish with a kumquat.

*KUMQUAT PUREE:
prepare kumquats by removing green tips. add 15 kumquats, 1/2 oz fresh lemon juice, 2 oz extra fine sugar (if you have) to food processor and puree until all pieces of kumquat rind are gone.

NOTE: miniscule bits of kumquat rind may float to the top of this refreshing cocktail. hey, you know it’s real that way! but if you’re serving an anal-retentive imbiber (virgo, i’m not mentioning any names here) you might want to think twice.

when i think of gin, i think a gimlet. thanks to some creative thinking british sailors, this classic tipple was born. the story goes that in order to escape scurvy while at sea, the sailors had to consume large amounts of lime. the addition of gin made the lime more palitable and the rest is history. the gimlet is the original health drink! of course i had to adulterate this perfect yet modest recipe and add all sorts of crazy shiz…. the most unusual being i think the addition of rose geranium leaves.

geranium is ruled by sun and falls under the sign of leo. this plant thrives in hot, dry soil. if they don’t get it, they’ll not flower. and if you give them a tad too much water, they’ll quickly drown. i find the bloom of the geranium to be spectacular because of it’s color. be it red, pink, orange, or even white – the petals are always brilliant, just like leo. i have lots of geranium plants sitting on my window ledge. they’re sun hogs. again, like attention-loving leo! this interesting plant, like mint, comes in a multitude of scents ranging from lemon to cinnamon to mint to rose. and the latter is the one used in this cocktail, imparting a very subtle, but pleasant smell and flavour. i’d tell you to garnish with a geranium flower to really impress the lofty lion, but i’ve heard they are poisonous. stick with an orange slice instead!

BEHOLDEN (rose geranium & orange flower gimlet)
1 1/2 oz gin
1/2 oz fresh lime juice
1/2 oz fresh orange juice
1 1/2 oz organic raw simple syrup
1/4 oz orange flower water
5 rose geranium leaves

muddle geranium leaves with orange flower water and lime until leaves are macerated. add gin and simple syrup. shake in ice filled cocktail shaker and strain into martini glass.

NOTE: be sure to store flower waters in the fridge or they will go rancid.

thanks to OH GOSH for hosting MXMO XXI.

the bombshell with the delightfully crooked nose won’t be going to rehab. instead, he’s hired a $650/day sober companion to go on vacation with. the blonde beast has alledgedly tried to see the great white light twice before his latest botched attempt. owen, may you never succeed, and be stuck here like the rest of us! need to talk? i’m here for ya. call me! oh i’m so digressing here… what i’m trying to get at is, c’mon, do you really think poor owen is staying on the wagon? i sincerely hope he does, but in the extremely off chance that he does make a little boo boo…. well, it’s a slippery slope. so at least drink something halfway good for you… and that would be st. john’s wart tea. this beautiful flower, with it’s full head of yellow petals (not unlike his golden mane), belongs to the sun and is hence a plant of leo. medicinally, it’s purportedly very good at chasing the darkness out of one’s life with it’s mood-stabilizing properties. and he being a scorpio, there’s no shortage of dark moments. owen, next time you drink, make it a st. john’s wart tea. but if you do slip, at least slide into a Butterscotch Stallion. we’re routing for you handsome!

(photo credit: gay socialites & germes online)

BUTTERSCOTCH STALLION:

2 oz vokda (owen, try omiting this ingredient)
2 oz chilled st. john’s wart herbal tea
1/2 maple syrup
1 oz fresh squeezed lemon

add ingredients to ice filled cocktail shaker and for ten seconds, shake hard. pour into chilled martini glass or tea cup.

(recipe created by gwen sutherland kaiser)

to furthur fight those god awful mood swings, try this from YOGI TEA: sit cross-legged or in a chair with your spine straight and feet flat on the floor. rest the left hand on the left knee, with the tips of the thumb and index finger touching. close your eyes and block the right nostril with the right thumb, with the rest of the fingers straight up. inhale fully through the left nostril. then block the left nostril with your pinkie. release your thumb and exhale fully throught the right nostril. continue inhaling through the left nostril and exhaling through the right nostril for 3 -22 minutes. to finish, take a few deep breaths through both nostrils and relax.

owen wilson’s astrological chart
st. john’s wart, an herb of leo

VIA PEREZ HILTON

Sorry everyone, i forgot a guest!!!! I knew I would…. self fulfilling prophecy, yadayadaya. please accept my sincerest apoligies BLAIR – who is yet another Taurus, from TRADER TIKI’S BOOZE BLOG. He generously show to us his extensive and impressive stable of ORANGE flavored bar products… thank you Blair! It’s hard to imagine life without orange, or Leo, isn’t it? I never realized how important a cocktail ingredient it really is.

In reverence of the orange, and it’s all mighty ruler, the sun, i bring you MX XVII. (I covered the whole, orange is ruled by the sun, which belongs to leo thing, in my earlier post). But first, there’s a few cocktail kitties out there I’d like to propose a birthday toast to: JAY from oh gosh, ALEXANDER from a companion for the young imbiber, BOSTON APOTHECARY from egullet and SEAMUS from bunnyhugs… Cheers Leos!

I was surprised to find a heavy concentration of guests with the same signs: Taurus, Libra & Leo leading the way, followed by Aquarius, Aries & Cancer. (There’s a token Pisces, Capricorn, Gemini and Virgo too). This makes total astrological sense. Taurus and Libra are both ruled by Venus, which gives a very definite love of food, and by extension, drink. Leo loves to put on a show, and publishing a blog is an inherently comfortable arena for them.

I know you’re on the edge of your bar stool, so without further ado, i present you with the impressive MX XVII guest list…

RICK, a TAURUS, from KAISER PENGUIN brings us the tantalizing PEARL DIVER’S PUNCH, using orange as the secret ingredient in the called-for cinnamon syrup. Yum, mouth-watering, like everything Taurus makes.

ERIK, a LIBRA, from EGULLET goes out on a limb using the color, rather than the flavor, orange! Woah… Erik, what are doin to me man? We Capricorns don’t handle surprises so well ; ) He shares with us, the apricot flavored THEORETICAL SLOPE, a rather radical blend inspired by the renowned Flatiron Lounge in NYC.

BOSTON APOTHECARY, a LEO, from EGULLET, introduces us to their old orange friend, the SUNSET GUN. who I think I’ll be getting to know in the near future…mmnnnnn. (BTW boston, cloves are ruled by Aries, an excellent match for you).

PAUL, a CANCER, from COCKTAIL CHRONICLES uses Creole Shrub for the orange flavor. He presents the creative and intricate SWORDFIGHTER SWIZZLE, which also made an appearance at the recent Tales of The Cocktail Event in New Orleans.

NATALIE, an AQUARIUS with LEO rising, from THE LIQUID MUSE, weighs in with a circa 1971 playboy recipe, the ORANGE-SHELL COOLER. Here she uses the entire shell of the orange – now that’s different, like Aquarius.

ALEXANDER, a LEO, from A COMPANION FOR THE YOUNG IMBIBER invents an interestingly complex NEMEAN PUNCH, with the story of how it came to be. Fittingly entertaining for Leo.

JEFFREY, a LIBRA, from JEFFREY MORGENTHALER unveils his BIG ORANGE RIBBON TWIST how-to vid. (needed this… I’m a twist tard). Jeffrey has quite the likeable-libra on camera presence.

ANITA & CAMERON, both AQUARIUS, from MARRIED WITH DINNER, prepare the tres seasonal PEACHES & HERB (from the must-have cocktail book, The Art of The Bar). An unusual pairing of ingredients, for an unusual pair of Aquarians.

JAY, a LEO, from OH GOSH!, makes the BLOOD & SAND and provides a nice historical background on this provacatively named tipple. Appropriately chosen, as Leo also rules blood.

PHIL, a TAURUS, from LAMB MARTINI, shakes up an EL PRESIDENTE for us, along with a thorough and interesting libational history of the drink. A FOOD and drink blog – definetely Taurus-territory.

HAALO, an ARIES, from COOK ALMOST ANYTHING, mixes up a BLOOD ORANGE MARTINI, and her LEO-taster husband gives it two paws up – meow! (Great combo: Aries & Leo).

GABRIEL, a TRIPLE AQUARIUS! (sun, rising, moon), from COCKTAIL NERD, actually remembered it was Mixology Monday. He presents the SLEEPING GIANT, with an amusing tale about wives and evil eyes.

DOUG, an ARIES, from THE PEGU BLOG, brings to the bar, the MIMOSA & RITZ-CARLTON STINGER, with thought-provoking, sybil-style conversation to boot. Yes, doug, my first was a screwdriver too.

SEAMUS, a LEO, from BUNNYHUGS, makes good use of some orange bitters in the CALVADOS COCKTAIL, and insists it’s a must-try. But Leos will say anything to impress you.

JAMIE, a CANCER, from SPIRITS AND COCKTAILS, gives us a 2 for 1 with the BLOOD ORANGE & UNION CLUB, proving just how exiting OJ can be! Two drinks from a two fisted drinker: Cancer.

SIOBHAN, a VIRGO, from IMBIBE MAGAZINE, which is a TAURUS, due to it’s launch date, wows us with the ORANGE YOU GLAD, a commemorative drink created in their famous test kitchen. (The greatest chefs in the world are Taurean).

CRAIG, an ARIES, from DR. BAMBOO managed to squeeze in a nightcap despite of the new LEO in his life: Baby Bamboo… congrats! He shares with us, the BLUE MONDAY, and his usual Arian hilarity and cocktail-appropriate art.

DARCY, a LIBRA, from THE ART OF THE DRINK in Canada, experiments with the CANADIAN COCKTAIL, and some interesting variations of it. Libra – always striving to find the perfect balance.

MICHAEL, a LIBRA, from A DASH OF BITTERS, brings us SATAN’S WHISKER, along with a brief history on the genesis of his drinking and his opinion on the importance of clear citrus, with which I couldn’t agree more.

CINDY, a LIBRA, from MY BRILLIANT MISTAKES, dives right into orange with the famous TEQUILA SUNRISE, and her own Libran perfection thereof, the MARGARITA SUNRISE.

MARLEIGH, a CANCER, from SLOSHED (how apropos), mixes up a BLUE REEF, in lieu of her carrot garnish. She’s punny.

JIMMY, a PISCES from JIMMY’S COCKTAIL HOUR, brings to us the deceptively simple CABLE CAR, making good use of Curacao. (now that’s a match made in heaven: Pisces and alcohol).

DAVID, a VIRGO from DAVE’S DRINKS, thankfully found time between a bout with the flu and a visit from the inlaws to bang out a HULA HULA COCKTAIL.

ALEX, a TAURUS, from WHERE’S THE CRISPY PIG?, invents THE LAZY MONDAY, which calls for Cointreau and a homemade fennel-infused gin, which sounds amazing. Laziness is one of Taurus’ negative traits. Culinary bliss is one of their positive.

STEVE, a GEMINI, from PROJECT COCKTAIL, whips up an ORANGE BLOSSOM for us, putting a spin on the standard screwdriver.

I (CAPRICORN), made the MS FANNY U BANK, from one of my fave books, “The Cocktail, ” by Jane Rocca, illustrated by Kat Macleod.

Sorry everyone, i forgot a guest!!!! i knew I would…. self fulfilling prophecy, yadayadaya. please accept my sincerest apoligies BLAIR, who is yet another Taurus, from TRADER TIKI’S BOOZE BLOG. He generously show his extensive stable of ORANGE flavored bar products to us… thank you Blair! It’s hard to imagine life without orange, or Leo, isn’t it? I never realized how important a cocktail ingredient it really is.

If i missed anyone or messed up any factoids, please slap me at gwen@intoxicatedzodiac.com. And thanks for coming to the party, oh happy tipplers!

finally, my MX MO XVII orange entry, a day late and a dollar short. i wanted to use a recipe from one of my all-time fave cocktail books, “The Cocktail,” by Jane Rocca with drawings by Kat Macleod. I stumbled across it’s mention in the New York Times, googled it, and shipped it over from the land down under. believe it or not, I have never seen it once here in the states, even though Penguin USA is the publisher. which I just don’t get, because girls, this book is for us! The recipes are innovative… but sometimes frustrating, as many of the ingredients simply can’t be bought on this side of the pond. but the to-die-for, cuter than cute hand renderings… well, take my word, if you’re a sucker for good design, you need to own this. (go through kittykind amazon to give them a cut)

I also wanted to use my latest find in “light green” liquors, meaning, as close to organic as possible, without actually being labelled organic. hence i used ORANGE V orange flavored vodka. not only is the grain locally grown, but their distillery just switched to a renewable energy source as well.

i chose to make the MS FANNY U BANK, from where the name was derived I have not a clue. some oz reference i guess. ORANGE V vodka is pretty strongly orange flavored, in a good way, and so I used it in place of the mandarin liqueur. Wether or not it was because of this switcheroo, I’m not sure, but I had to add maple syrup. it also helps if you actually have crushed ice. i had to use my iceberg size ice cube tray ones. and, whatever you do, please make sure to use free-range eggs! i had a pet chicken once, Martha, who was like a dog. chickens like to walk around believe it or not.