the following was written by guest blogger Beth–thanks beth!

When you dig deep enough you find all sorts of astrological correspondences associated with different mystic schools of thoughts. From the twelve paths in the Jewish Kabbalah to tarot cards associated with each of the signs, astrology is everywhere. Practicing my own form of mysticism I’d like to propose just one more, that of the mystic art of Jell-O Shots. Now before you laugh, this system is a very carefully thought out, taking all of ten minutes, like most good pop spiritualism. It is based on the Jell-O system of colors and flavors and the propensity of each astrological sign to enjoy them.

There is a wealth of information on the Internet on how to create Jell-o shots, from actual recipes to recommendations to containers, so I won’t bore you with the details here. Seeing that there is only one good way to down a Jell-O shot, straight up, with a sharp intake of breath, it is also appropriate to do so in a meditative state, full of the awareness of the stuff of life, while reciting your particular mantra for the experience. So mix up your iconic flavor and follow me to the path of true enlightenment, or at least a good time, now that you have the appropriate guide.

Aries–Full of fire and energy, your color is red, your flavor strawberry, reminding you of the innocence of your youth and that awful strawberry wine you used to down while trying to woo the women or when the men tried to woo you. Meditation: Slow down and pay attention and you may reduce the number of accidents you experience. You just may lower of your insurance bill as well.


Taurus-For sensual Taurus, there just isn’t the right Jell-O flavor as unfortunately there is no chocolate jell, only Jell-O pudding, which does poorly as a Jell-O shot. However, with a little extra patience, with which you abound, and creativity, you can mix up clear gelatin and amaretto for a perfectly delightful Jell-O shot experience. Meditation: Why do the best things in life come with such a high price tag and when is there a sale?


Gemini–For the twins there are two options, lemon or lime, these corresponding to the two most prolific colors in your personal color pallet. Yes, Gemini, your wardrobe is just as talkative as you are, to the everlasting amusement of the people you know. Case in point, Hillary Clinton has Uranus in Gemini sitting on her Ascendant. She has this absolutely hideous yellow suit she insists on wearing. Some people just shouldn’t dress themselves and this might include you. That hardly matters to you as you are just in it for the good time anyway, Gemini. Meditation: Why do people think I talk too much? And why won’t they tell me about it?


Cancer–No one deserves a delicious taste treat more, and just about no one enjoys it better than you, if you can calm that nervous stomach, that is. You take care of everyone and then wonder why no one takes care of you, leading you to speculate if anyone really loves you. Relax, Cancer. While it may not help you find true love, a Pina Colada Jell-O shot will lead you in the right direction. Meditation: Can I buy those antique lamps without my spouse finding out?


Leo-the color that represents you, your majesty, is the color of sun and the color of true money, gold. And since you are a friendly sort, welcoming all kinds of people into your sphere to serve you, pineapple is the Jell-O flavor that best represents your sun shiny personality. Meditation: What can I do to get more attention? I deserve it, don’t I?


Virgo–Classic astrologers associate the color white with Virgo, seeing you are so pure and all. (Yeah, right!). And believe it or not, Jell-O has accommodated you with a special flavor, Margarita, which contains all the sweet goodness of the original. In the true spirit of Virgo, the saltiness is concealed within a pleasing picture of refinement and good taste. Just make sure you don’t down too many of these or your stomach will scold you like you scold the kids. Meditation: Why does my spouse say that I’m too critical? I’ll give ‘em a piece of my mind for that one.


Libra–Reference works are just as indecisive as you are, dear Libra, when it comes to ascribing a color to you. One site said, “Any color that is pleasing to the eye.” This only reflects your propensity for taking everyone’s sides in arguments, since you seek harmony above all things. After much consideration and experimentation, this astrologer ascribes the Jell-O flavor “mixed fruit” to your sign, as it seeks, just as you do, to achieve harmonious blending of diverse flavors. Meditation: Why do people want me to make decisions?


Scorpio–Simmering with life’s forbidden passions, you are symbolized by both the color black and red. This is why the flavor black cherry is tailor made for you. No stranger to the world of alternate experiences, Scorpio, you find this flavor association perhaps reminiscent of childhood cold remedies, but hey, you enjoyed those too. Meditation: How can I convince the cutie in the corner to come home with me?


Sagittarius–Your traditional color is purple, leading us to the ubiquitous grape Jell-O shot. But you are fire sign as well, as if you are not so copasetic with imbibing things reminiscent of childhood cold remedies, like our Scorpio friends. Give perky peach a try. Meditation: What excuse can I give the boss today?


Capricorn–Taciturn Saturn ruled people are not left out in the cold by our friends at Jell-O. The flavor cranberry was created just for you, with that sharp sweet tartness we’ve come to know from you. Whether you are hobnobbing with the gentry or slumming with the Jones, this taste treat will make people think twice about you. Meditation: What dirt can I dig up on the boss so I can win that promotion?


Aquarius–I don’t know why people keep calling you quirky. After all, Aquarius, you are a true pioneer, marching to the beat of your own drummer, showing the rest of us where the fun is to be had. While the world catches up with you, catch a berry blue Jell-O shot that will help you resonate to the forces of the Universe. Meditation: Why do people call me weird and why don’t I care?


Pisces–Lovely, ephemeral Pisces deserves something as effervescent as you are. For you, dear Pisces, I recommend the flavor apricot, which is just as unusual, just as refined and just a difficult to find as you are. Meditation: Why is the boss looking for me?


Beth is a professional astrologer with over twenty years experience counseling clients in career and relationship issues. Following in the footsteps of mediocre writers who start their own religions, Beth has decided to promote spiritual enlightenment through jell shots tied to astrological associations. She promises though that there is no need to find “clear” or that mysterious forces other than natural spirits will not take over your body. However, since Beth also promotes moderation in all things, to the vexation of her family, the use of Jell-O shots for enlightenment does not give her followers carte blanche to get blotto in the name of spiritual attainment. You can reach her at starrynightastro@aol.com for further guidance. Beth can be found at astrologymediapress.com/astrologyexplored.

jet setter extraordinaire, anne fritz, of the JET SET GIRLS took a peek inside my carry on bag recently. i’m flattered to be featured on such a chic lifestyle blog! here i am with my latest thrift shop find (that cost me only $1 if you can believe it?). i’m asked what’s in the bag–that i just can’t live without–during my flight. and you know what they say: you can tell a lot about a woman from the contents of her purse (or in this case, flight bag). so are you like totally DYING from curiosity or what? don’t torture yourself, check out my bag’s innards here…

VIA SHE GOT STYLE

THE PENIS IS RULED BY SCORPIO, MASTER OF ALL THINGS SEX. hold an intoxicated zodiac bachelorette party and have a fun, sexy, creative, naughty and memorable night!

to get the party started everyone gets a gift bag containing coasters, a shot glass in their zodiac sign (for tasting gwen’s cocktails), and an infusion jar to create their own love potion that night. check out the cute tag on the jar below:

the theme of the party was scorpio’s penis pepper. long and hard, bloody shade of red, spicy yet salty, J/K, just spicy ; )

any way you slice it (ouch, sorry boys) the chili pepper is ruled by mars, scorpio’s ancient ruler now considered co-ruled by pluto.

i demonstrate how to make culinary cocktails, based on the premise of medieval astrology where plants have signs like people. we use flower waters, jam, infused liquor, oil, and all sorts of unusual ingredients for each creation.

everyone gets a baroscope shot glass in their own zodiac sign to taste the cocktails. it’s a pretty intense hour and a half mixing pisco, cacacha, vodka, gin, tequila, rum… best done on a full stomach-eat before you come.

here i am… kvetching on cocktails.

i was watching the nature channel the other day and two scorpions were getting it on. those sick bugs stung each other. with real venom. a sting too much could have killed the other one, but that’s their idea of foreplay. just a side note here that scorpios can tend towards zodiacal sadism.

this is one proud mother. just look at that infusion… i believe it contained dried hibiscus petals, fresh ginger, mexican chocolate and fresh picked nasturtium flowers. funnily, joyce is a cancer, the mothering sign. what a mix, i’d love to taste that.

how 50’s pin up this? the bride, sarah, a scorpio herself! can you tell?

what bachelorette party is complete without the official penis martini glass? good to the last drop… mmnnn….

thanks to my friend and palmreader, miss. joyce another scorpio, for helping out.

say dicktini for the camera!

thanks to amanda aries, sarah scorpio, colleen scorpio, courtney cancer, joyce cancer for being such fun students. cheers to the groom bradley (capricorn), who found his match made in heaven. cappie and scorpio are two sexual powerhouses with stamina galore. their sex will indeed be hot until death do them part.

hold an intoxicated zodiac bachelorette party!

i posted the ASTROTINI WALLPAPER for sign of capricorn a little while back and have been meaning to blog it.

the little goats in the photo are actually antique toys from the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. i have a bunch of them stored in my attic, along with 700 other pieces of goat paraphernalia. These range from a goat cartoon newspaper clipping, to a handmade goat souvenir from guatemala, to a mcdonald’s happy meal goat toy, to a rare antique goat clock, and the list goes on and on and on.

yeah, i’m a nerd. i’ve been told… but in my defense, i started this collection when i was seven, in a typically capricornian campaign to convince my parents that i genuinely wanted a pet goat and was committed to the cause. it worked… they ended up sparing a meat goat in the throws of being auctioned off to the highest Greek for easter dinner, and the rarest and most special of friendships was born. i named my 2 week old white goat, Felicia, and i learned more from her than i have from most people. especially, the fact that goats are cool. hear that capricorns the world over – we goats are cool! unless you have a goat statue collection… then i believe you might be considered slightly uncool.

but here’s the weird part… all of this occurred before i even knew what a zodiac sign was. turns out i was a capricorn, so how weird is that?
download CAPRICORN’S ASTROTINI WALLPAPER here.

photo: CITY RAG

A workaholic to the bone, stern has openly admitted being married to his career more than to his ex-wife— who eventually divorced him after a 21 year union. Stern’s rising sign is Taurus–making him appear steadfast and likeable to others. Money–hungry Capricorn paired with luxury–seeking Taurus certainly helped drive Stern to stardom!

a bit more on goats:
Sometimes just getting your “Crapricorn” friend out of the office and into the bar is worthy of a celebration in itself. The workaholics of the zodiac, these self–controlling old goats can be fun–challenged at times. Known for being “older than their years,” a Capricorn child may even be called an “old goat.” The astrological slave driver, Capricorn will rule their domain sternly, wether from the corner office, or the kitchen of their home as they keep house. After all, painting the town red doesn’t come cheap–better for Cappie to lay low and save some more money! Not to worry though… super loyal Capricorns hate letting their friends down, and they’ll often give in to a good guilt trip and come join the party. But beware… don’t push them too hard, as there’s nothing worse than a reluctant goat who’s been dragged out whilst in one of their wretched melancholy moods. They will unintentionally see to it that the entire room is dragged down into their thick fog of despondent gloom! Bewildered by Cappie’s seemingly manic-depressive behavior? Understand that this is the most complex zodiac sign, filled with capricious contrasts… where do you think the word originated from?

dentristy is a questionable profession for libra. capricorn, who rules the teeth along with saturn, is much better suited. Libra’s make excellent trophy wives, flirtatious diplomats, solid sex workers. but, dentists, not so much. as i lay helplessly in her big vinyl chair, drooling all over myself, my hygienist informed me that she’s really in the wrong field. oh you don’t say, i thought to myself… she went on to inform me that she’d heard, as a libra, she should have been a prostitute. oh really, i raised my eyebrow… i wondered what we doing here then. shouldn’t she be on a corner somewhere? or in a swanky hotel room? or in some diplomat’s pied-à-terre… massaging something other than a set of gums? She then admitted that, unlike her Libran sister, who would’ve been a wonderful whore because boy is she a slut, turning tricks just wasn’t her thing! well men, i breathed a sigh of relief for you. and as i tasted the blood enter my mouth, i thought – with hands like these, it’s a good thing she missed her call girl calling. i nodded sympathetically and humorously in agreement, thanking god i had another six months before having to undergo the hooking hygienist’s tool again.

which brings me to my latest revelation: holistic dentistry! yes, i finally grew tired of having my mouth raped by the scalpel metal picky thing and ventured out into territory unknown… i wish i’d done it sooner! enter sandra senzon, holistic intergrative dental professional and published author. aptly dubbed the tooth fairy, sandra (a Leo) performed magic on my mouth. here’s the thing… i underwent the cosmetic whitening treatment at BRITE SMILE and now my teeth were falling out of my mouth. minor detail. the extreme ultra violet bleaching method that BRITE SMILE used had caused my gums to recede, and now drinking (HORROR), eating, smiling and brushing were torturous. in the comfort of her chrysler building office with panoramic views of new york city, sandra sprayed her proprietary blend of CAMELIA OIL on my teeth. she then went in and did a thorough cleaning, which i hardly felt at all! MAGIC. this natural oil had done what nothing else had been able to do – stop my pain. i departed with a bottle, along with sandra’s book, REVERSING GUM DISEASE NATURALLY. So impressed was i, that i have made Sandra’s products AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE.

camelia oil isn’t just for numbing tooth pain naturally. it’s also a great way to whiten teeth safely, without employing harsh bleaching chemicals used by every other tooth whitening product on the market today. it also contains anti-oxidant properties and repels plaque.

sandra discovered camelia oil’s whitening properties while researching the essential oil lavender. traditionally used in skin care, she made the connection between our skin and the skin of our teeth – our gums. since then, she has developed and sold over 8,000 bottles to her tooth spa clients in the flavors of lavender (gemini & virgo), eucalyptus (leo) and peppermint (taurus & libra).
a visit to the TOOTH SPA is not your typical dentist appointment. for starters, you’ll find only essential oils and natural products, like the echinacea toothpaste – which BTW is completely non-abrasive and 100% edible – unlike conventional brands. but the best is that antique salt trays are used as receptacles – how cool! sandra also studies canine meridian relationships in diagnosing your toothy problem. i had no idea that each tooth is related to a different parts of the body, not unlike acupuncture and reflexology.

“Every organ and every part of your body is directly linked to a specific tooth or area of the mouth via these meridians, or energy highways. This connection is so strong that a biological dentist can often accurately guess your dental history simply by reviewing your physical symptoms.”

some other things i learned in my quest for healthy teeth: 1) hydrosonic cleaning is no better than the old fashioned dental pick and axe. they both scrape valuable enamel off your teeth. 2) silver/mercury fillings are bad. replace them if you can, but do it slowly, one at a time and only when you are in peak physical condition. taking them out too fast can create many physical problems. 3) drink light colored cocktails for whiter teeth. duh! mojito anyone?