i posted the ASTROTINI WALLPAPER for sign of capricorn a little while back and have been meaning to blog it.

the little goats in the photo are actually antique toys from the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. i have a bunch of them stored in my attic, along with 700 other pieces of goat paraphernalia. These range from a goat cartoon newspaper clipping, to a handmade goat souvenir from guatemala, to a mcdonald’s happy meal goat toy, to a rare antique goat clock, and the list goes on and on and on.

yeah, i’m a nerd. i’ve been told… but in my defense, i started this collection when i was seven, in a typically capricornian campaign to convince my parents that i genuinely wanted a pet goat and was committed to the cause. it worked… they ended up sparing a meat goat in the throws of being auctioned off to the highest Greek for easter dinner, and the rarest and most special of friendships was born. i named my 2 week old white goat, Felicia, and i learned more from her than i have from most people. especially, the fact that goats are cool. hear that capricorns the world over - we goats are cool! unless you have a goat statue collection… then i believe you might be considered slightly uncool.

but here’s the weird part… all of this occurred before i even knew what a zodiac sign was. turns out i was a capricorn, so how weird is that?
download CAPRICORN’S ASTROTINI WALLPAPER here.

photo: CITY RAG

A workaholic to the bone, stern has openly admitted being married to his career more than to his ex-wife— who eventually divorced him after a 21 year union. Stern’s rising sign is Taurus–making him appear steadfast and likeable to others. Money–hungry Capricorn paired with luxury–seeking Taurus certainly helped drive Stern to stardom!

a bit more on goats:
Sometimes just getting your “Crapricorn” friend out of the office and into the bar is worthy of a celebration in itself. The workaholics of the zodiac, these self–controlling old goats can be fun–challenged at times. Known for being “older than their years,” a Capricorn child may even be called an “old goat.” The astrological slave driver, Capricorn will rule their domain sternly, wether from the corner office, or the kitchen of their home as they keep house. After all, painting the town red doesn’t come cheap–better for Cappie to lay low and save some more money! Not to worry though… super loyal Capricorns hate letting their friends down, and they’ll often give in to a good guilt trip and come join the party. But beware… don’t push them too hard, as there’s nothing worse than a reluctant goat who’s been dragged out whilst in one of their wretched melancholy moods. They will unintentionally see to it that the entire room is dragged down into their thick fog of despondent gloom! Bewildered by Cappie’s seemingly manic-depressive behavior? Understand that this is the most complex zodiac sign, filled with capricious contrasts… where do you think the word originated from?

dentristy is a questionable profession for libra. capricorn, who rules the teeth along with saturn, is much better suited. Libra’s make excellent trophy wives, flirtatious diplomats, solid sex workers. but, dentists, not so much. as i lay helplessly in her big vinyl chair, drooling all over myself, my hygienist informed me that she’s really in the wrong field. oh you don’t say, i thought to myself… she went on to inform me that she’d heard, as a libra, she should have been a prostitute. oh really, i raised my eyebrow… i wondered what we doing here then. shouldn’t she be on a corner somewhere? or in a swanky hotel room? or in some diplomat’s pied-à-terre… massaging something other than a set of gums? She then admitted that, unlike her Libran sister, who would’ve been a wonderful whore because boy is she a slut, turning tricks just wasn’t her thing! well men, i breathed a sigh of relief for you. and as i tasted the blood enter my mouth, i thought - with hands like these, it’s a good thing she missed her call girl calling. i nodded sympathetically and humorously in agreement, thanking god i had another six months before having to undergo the hooking hygienist’s tool again.

which brings me to my latest revelation: holistic dentistry! yes, i finally grew tired of having my mouth raped by the scalpel metal picky thing and ventured out into territory unknown… i wish i’d done it sooner! enter sandra senzon, holistic intergrative dental professional and published author. aptly dubbed the tooth fairy, sandra (a Leo) performed magic on my mouth. here’s the thing… i underwent the cosmetic whitening treatment at BRITE SMILE and now my teeth were falling out of my mouth. minor detail. the extreme ultra violet bleaching method that BRITE SMILE used had caused my gums to recede, and now drinking (HORROR), eating, smiling and brushing were torturous. in the comfort of her chrysler building office with panoramic views of new york city, sandra sprayed her proprietary blend of CAMELIA OIL on my teeth. she then went in and did a thorough cleaning, which i hardly felt at all! MAGIC. this natural oil had done what nothing else had been able to do - stop my pain. i departed with a bottle, along with sandra’s book, REVERSING GUM DISEASE NATURALLY. So impressed was i, that i have made Sandra’s products AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE.

camelia oil isn’t just for numbing tooth pain naturally. it’s also a great way to whiten teeth safely, without employing harsh bleaching chemicals used by every other tooth whitening product on the market today. it also contains anti-oxidant properties and repels plaque.

sandra discovered camelia oil’s whitening properties while researching the essential oil lavender. traditionally used in skin care, she made the connection between our skin and the skin of our teeth - our gums. since then, she has developed and sold over 8,000 bottles to her tooth spa clients in the flavors of lavender (gemini & virgo), eucalyptus (leo) and peppermint (taurus & libra).
a visit to the TOOTH SPA is not your typical dentist appointment. for starters, you’ll find only essential oils and natural products, like the echinacea toothpaste - which BTW is completely non-abrasive and 100% edible - unlike conventional brands. but the best is that antique salt trays are used as receptacles - how cool! sandra also studies canine meridian relationships in diagnosing your toothy problem. i had no idea that each tooth is related to a different parts of the body, not unlike acupuncture and reflexology.

“Every organ and every part of your body is directly linked to a specific tooth or area of the mouth via these meridians, or energy highways. This connection is so strong that a biological dentist can often accurately guess your dental history simply by reviewing your physical symptoms.”

some other things i learned in my quest for healthy teeth: 1) hydrosonic cleaning is no better than the old fashioned dental pick and axe. they both scrape valuable enamel off your teeth. 2) silver/mercury fillings are bad. replace them if you can, but do it slowly, one at a time and only when you are in peak physical condition. taking them out too fast can create many physical problems. 3) drink light colored cocktails for whiter teeth. duh! mojito anyone?