This month will come at you hard and fast—just the way you like dear aries. Grrr… however, you’ll need to watch what you say, write, think and do to avoid any miscommunications coming back to haunt you next month. Take advantage of this serious celestial alignment to lay the plans for your future, which just might hatch into little golden chicks down the road. Ok, Calm down, it’s not all about reeling in your spontaneity and guarding your loose tongue… come the end of the month you might have a chance to ram that same tongue down someone’s lucky throat. Romance is in the cards so stock up on champagne and ice.

Happy birthday Taurus… treat yourself to a five star, five course dinner with five rounds of extra stiff specialty cocktails. you’ve been working harder than most signs for some time now, and you deserve it you incurable hedonist you! I’d wish you five lovers to go with those five courses, but Taurus is a one-at-a-time sign. So let that special someone hit all your g-spots this month and relax… don’t do it. if there was ever a time to stop and smell the rose water gimlets, it is now!

This is not a time to be throwing caution to the wind dear Gemini, (one of your favorite activities). In fact, doing just the opposite would be advisable. Take caution, oh fleet-footed flighty one, and keep both feet firmly planted on the oh-so-boring ground. Happy hour this month is done best on your terms, at your watering hole, with your cohorts. Get the picture? Skip the two for one experimental cocktail shots and stick with your tried and true poison of choice. A classic cosmo should fit the bill nicely.

Aahhh… take a deep spring breath and enjoy beautiful may for what it is, a prelude to summer’s intense heat. In other words, Refrain from digging too deep or stirring up any giant dust balls. Glide on the surface of this month’s celestial rays and you won’t be disappointed. Mimosas for breakfast sound good to me– after all, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Just don’t go downing any handles of vodka-–for those hypersensitive crabby feelings that might get dredged up won’t be much fun. This is a good time to go shallow hal.

The world is your oyster and I want you to take it, take it, take it–along with all the gourmet libations you can get your sticky little leo paws on too! It’s like uber-leo Madonna croons on her new album, “What are you waiting for? Nobody’s gonna show you how. Why work for someone else to do what you can do right now? Give it 2 me, Yeah!” This is your month leo… make the material girl proud and make the rest of us schmos give it up for you.

Some relaxation is finally in store, and what better way to achieve this than through a mojito? Mint is ready in the garden–believe it or not (it’s the last herb to die at the end of the summer, and the first to grow in the spring). keep a steady stream of these Cuban lovelies comin’ this month. You’ll need the alcohol to plunge you into the depths of life’s mysteries–specifically yours. Analyzation is virgo does best, and now’s the time to go Sigmund freud on yourself. you’ll finally get what those crazy dreams you’ve been having lately are all about. I think you’ll find… it’s ALL good!

Oh yeeaah…..Libran lovers of luxury, lust, and lovely stuff will rejoice this month when last month’s hard aspects thankfully ease up. If there’s anything the scales hates, it’s pressure. And this month there will be a distinct lack of that. Do what you do best libra, and love… yourself, others, life. but remember, moderation is key, so stick to the mid-shelf liquor and don’t shoot the whole wad in one night. Just because this is an extra sunny month, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t save up for that rainy day.

Thanksgiving’s cornucopia is here a tad early this year. Life’s most delectable fruits and succulent fresh fruit cocktails are yours to savor. Continue to work hard, but know that the better times for which you aim are within reach. They’re so close you can feel their presence, and taste their deliciousness So, celebrate a tad early and hold a may day cocktail party. With so many good celestial vibrations this month, it’s guaranteed to be a hit. Knock em dead and drag em into bed.

Ring in may day with a dance around the maypole and a palmful full of pansies… pansy syrup cocktails that is. Be sure to drink a lot of them this month… pansies are in full bloom this time of year so get pickin’, and get mixin’. As unbelievable as this sounds, this month’s destiny holds for you nothing but carefree relaxation, along with a comfortably manageable work load (c’mon, this is real life after all). so don’t go grinding any midnight oil… but a handsome stranger would be fine.

Open up those windows… the weather is finally warming up, and so too could be your love life. At long last, you might be spending the evening with someone other than your accounting software. May brings a welcome relief to your monstrous work load, so be sure to suck every ounce you can from this romantic cosmic energy . just like I’m sure you’ll be sucking every drop of alcohol from those vodka sours. The art of seduction is so much easier when liquor is involved.

Enjoy what you have, which hopefully includes a well stocked home bar. Throw a party or attend some yourself. This month dictates that you have fun and avoid worry. Apparently, the plans you’ve been building need some time to rest. Just because you aren’t thinking about them 24/7 doesn’t mean the universe is not diligently working to unfurl them behind the scenes. Trust that it is and celebrate your intuition with the hottest, trendiest cocktails money can buy.

Can you smell it pisces? No, not the gin–you frickin lush. The change. perhaps you’ll switch your standard nightcap from a dirty martini to a Gibson martini. Perhaps you might even develop a taste for scotch. But this month ushers in some subtle new beginnings. So subtle you might not feel them, but they are there. Allow yourself time for the unconscious adjustment necessary and thank the universe for this transformative energy by thinking positively and acting deliberately.

ironically, two different people recently brought the new fortune-telling phenonomon known as DICEOLOGY to my attention.

one is steven wagonheim who has just released a series of six books on his revolutionary new method of divination utilizing the humble dice. a former dungeons and dragons addict, steven grew to love the many sides of multiple sided dice. i had no idea that a 12-sided dice existed––did you?! he has also been blessed with a good pyschic ability and a love for–and understanding of astrology–numerology, cartouche and tarot. with 25 years of life-long research, he’s combined them all in DICEOLOGY, an innovative new brand of astrological divination. (6/$35.95) swing by david’s site for more info: DICEOLOGY.

the second person is JEAN NASOL, new york dice reader & advisor. any gambling addict will tell you, the lure of the dice is irresistable. i felt that magnetic pull of the dice as an hour and half whizzed by. as i asked each question aloud, i would pensively shake the dice and fatefully toss them for jean to analyze. her method of diceology is fascinating, and without a doubt, slightly addictive in an extremely fun way! one dice shows the planet involved, another shows the zodiac sign, and yet another shows a number. when all three are combined, including the order in which they sit, the anwer to the query is revealed. jean’s rates are very reasonable. if you’re in new york, call for an interesting and enlightening DICE READING the next time you need some celestial advice: 917.703.2911.

you could easily ask, what came first the zodiac or the animal? animals have always been an integral part of human life.

the chinese zodiac consists of a circle of animals. this was created in ancient china so that the peasants could better understand the astrology that their emperor (and themselves by extension) practiced so religiously. which incidentally was not based on constellations, but on calendar years. because most peasants did not know how to read or write, an animal was created to symbolize each year. hence we have year of the Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Boar.

Up until last year I thought I was a boar. Then I found SUZANNE WHITE’S website and voila, I’m a dog! Turns out… suzanne did a little research (ok, a lot) and found that it was not enough to simply go by the year in which you were born. as in western astrology, you might have been on the cusp, like me. I was born in the first week of the year, so i thought i was the chinese animal for that year. not so. i am actually the chinese animal for the year before. i suggest you make it a life priority to confirm you are the correct chinese zodiac animal!

in western astrology, more than half of our zodiacal constellations take the form of animals. leo the lion, sagittarius the horse/man, pisces the fishes, aries the ram, capricorn the goat, taurus the bull, scorpio the scorpion and cancer the crab. these soular animals are somewhat revered, especially by people like me!

so revered and so abused. the point of my post today is to celebrate WORLD WEEK FOR ANIMALS IN LABORATORIES.

A Landmark Agreement
In February, 2008, three U.S. government agencies, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the National Toxicology Program (NTP), and the National Institutes of Health (NIH), signed a five-year agreement to create innovative and animal-free methods to evaluate the safety of drugs and chemicals with the goal of phasing out animal tests entirely.

The NRC’s Groundbreaking Report
In July, 2007, the prestigious National Research Council (NRC) issued a report, “Toxicology for the 21st Century,” which outlines a new approach that would rely less on animal studies and focus instead upon in vitro methods. According to the report, “Over time, the need for traditional animal testing could be greatly reduced, and possibly even eliminated someday.”

Broad and sweeping changes are slowly being realized for animals, and now is the time to speak out. they ARE listening! all it takes is one letter, one phone call, one action… to make a big difference.

click here to see how you can help lab animals.

see how easy it is to shop cruelty free here.

read about the recent government scam over animal testing in the WASHINGTON POST

(photo credit)

no, actually the IZ zodiac cocktail tote is still the only one that visually combines astrology & cocktails. but EDYE SANFORD’S ZODIAC BAGS offer a nice “twist” with their zodiac printed cocktail party bags. ($24.99)

VIA STYLEHIVE

you know how they say opposites attract? well i believe that holds especially true in astrology. opposite signs attract. being the cold blooded, hard-assed, cynical old goat that i am… warm, passionate, fiery, optimistic signs enliven me. i’ve mentioned this before, but almost every single ex of mine is an aries. old patterns die hard, no? take a look at the peeps in your life. bet they’re mostly made up of the same bunch of signs… excluding family of course. that’s a no-holds barred area! but back to the birthday baby, aries. when you see an aries, you’ll often know it. they are energetic, fun, positive, ardent and probably playing some cheesy drinking game i wouldn’t be caught dead in.

heath ledger was no exception. a wild party animal (enough to keep up with mary kate). he aptly fit the aries profile. but as we all see now, he had a much more serious side, thanks to the heavy influence of water signs in his chart… moon in cancer and venus in pisces, to name but a few. while fire signs indicate a passionate nature, water signs indicate a sensitive one. remember peeps, we’re much more than our sun sign… happy birthday heath.
(PHOTO CREDIT)

i love obama, and i’m not overly concerned about him losing the election. i am worried, however, about him making it through his first term alive. let’s hope he doesn’t go the way of jfk…

this is a most interesting study, done by none other than intoxicated zodiac’s kindred spirit, ZODIAC VODKA:

based on non-partisan research of the fifty-five United States Presidential elections to date and the astrological signs of each winning candidate through the years, ZODIAC Vodka, a luxury potato vodka handcrafted and distilled in Idaho, USA, has concluded that the Leo, Barack Obama, will defeat the Scorpio, Hillary Clinton for the democratic nomination, as well as, the Virgo, John McCain in the general election. These findings are based on a comparative analysis of win percentages for candidates with a given sign. Each of the twelve signs has specific election trends which ZODIAC Vodka has analyzed to predict the next President of the United States of America.

ZODIAC researched every major presidential contestant since Washington and Adams in 1789. Statistics were compiled for each of the twelve zodiac signs. The Leo/Scorpio match up in the Democratic Party heavily favors Obama. Leo’s have a 12 point advantage in the win percentage category with Scorpio at 24 percent and Leo at 36 percent. Leo has never lost to a Scorpio. Scorpio however, has lost to eleven of the twelve signs and has the greatest number of election losses, sixteen.

McCain/Obama or Virgo/Leo has never before competed in a presidential election, though the two have a strong cosmic connection. Leo’s first win was in 1888 followed twenty years later in 1908 by Virgo’s first win. Both defeated Pisces in their first victory. Twenty years later Leo won again, this time defeating Capricorn. Virgo won again 36 years later, also defeating Capricorn. Leo continued with two more wins, this was President Bill Clinton.

Virgo has a win average of 33 percent, three points below Leo. With such a small difference between them, the element factor has been taken into account: Fire, Earth, Air, and Water. Fire (Obama) has been a historical tie breaker when the numbers are too close to call.

ZODIAC’s methodology accurately concluded in January that John McCain would be the Republican nominee. Mitt Romney is a Pisces. This sign has not won a presidential election in 116 years, and within that time Ralph Nader was the only major contender.
Though it may be said, “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in the stars, but in ourselves,” some answers remain in the sky: Most recently this can be seen in the victory of George W. Bush in 2000. Though Gore won the popular vote, astrologically it was impossible to win the office. He is an Aries with only a 13 percent win average and has never before beaten a Cancer, Bush’s sign.

Though politics may be divisive, Zodiac Vodka remains an independent taste; a true neutral spirit enjoyed by the left and right alike.

With its clean, naturally smooth taste, ZODIAC has revolutionized the vodka community both in name and quality. Each of the twelve zodiac signs are encompassed on their own bottle with a unique astrological description.

For more information on Zodiac Vodka please visit www.zodiacspirits.com. For more information on the Presidential election, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or John McCain, read a paper already.

VIA NEWSWIRE VIA MOONKISSD

photo credit

Parties, meetings, dinners, happy hours, more meetings… there is some serious action filled activity in your future… and as an aries you’ll love every minute of it! But this month will be so frenetic, that even YOUR boundless energy might begin to wane. It’ll be hard, but refrain from getting sloshed. with everything else that’s going on, The last thing you’ll want to nurse is a hangover. Limit one.

Taurus’ brand of laid back ambition is quite beneficial this month. Did you know that The bull is the zodiacal gardener? try planting a garden if you haven’t before–your naturally green thumbs will likely work magic! Why not start with mint for some summer mojitos? Like seeds that have been sown, patiently allow your dreams to grow slowly and surly on their own. Though you can’t see it, there are roots developing. And Like a plant breaking through the soil, you will clearly see when it is time to put your plan into motion.

This moth will require split second decisions, and offer sparkling opportunities. Including ones pertaining to your love life–always a favorite of the twins! In typical geminian style, You’ll probably want to jump right in. but don’t. stick your little toe in and feel the water first. If it feels good, then go for it. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “let me sleep on it.’ Mull over that proposition with a well-deserved night cap, and get back to them in the morning.

This month offers the chance to make some real progress with whatever you have been toiling on. The stars are aligned for good decision making… so do it, and do it now! A boost of self confidence will make this much easier, so surround yourself with positive people, and positively good drinks. You are crab, hear you roar. Seize this month’s moment dear cancer, cocktail in hand, smile on face.

This month you have the chance to be the star pupil in the school of life. Don’t rely on anyone else to learn for you. Push your own envelope, and go through the motions yourself. You are a sponge, and an infinite amount of wisdom is yours for the taking if you will only put in the effort required. Do you know how to make a caipirinha? It’s this summer’s hottest drink… master that first, and move on to more serious lessons from there…

An intense month is in store… and as a virgo you can handle the pressure better than most signs. You might feel like shouting at the top of your lungs in anger or elation, but try not to! Meet this month’s challenging energy with diplomacy and calm. Your reward will be an avoidance of unwanted friction, and why not a specialty cocktail too? Kumquats are just ending their season, so snatch up the last few and chill out with a kumquat kooler. Avoid losing your head during the day by loosening up with a drink at night.

Love makes the world go round, especially now, with a planetary emphasis on your relationships this month. As a diplomatic libra, grace and tact serve you quite well. But right now, blunt candor will serve you better. Easier said than done for a sign as gracious and charming as yourself. Remember that A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. Dear libra, drink up and start talking!

Steady as she goes is this month’s MO. Not so simple, as scorpio is the sign of extremes. But now is a time where Moderation is truly key. To repeat, now is not the time to be downing cocktail shots, but one to be distilling the pomegranate gin for next month’s gourmet tipple. Be it alcohol, people, work or play… caution is hot, and Spontaneity is not.

Smooth sailing ahead… sunny blue skies, warm pleasant breezes and sweet strawberry daiquiris are all in your future. As the hedonistic sign of Sagittarius, you don’t need to be told how to enjoy life. So dear hunting centaur, this month I implore you to do just that. Lay low with a stiff one and savor life’s riches.

This month will be ushered in with the dizzying pace you seem to have grown accustomed. Never fear though, there is light at the end of the tunnel and this month promises to end on a calmer note. Contrary to your belief, Not every agenda needs to be coddled and steered. When it is time to resume that task it will be made very obvious to you. Be sure to celebrate the end of april with a golden tipple… you deserve it ms. workaholic.

So much to do, so little time with which to do it. This month’s hectic energy may have you running around like an unfortunate chicken (a headless one). Unless they go by the name of whiskey, vodka or gin, avoid getting involved in too many things. Better to solve one problem than to almost solve five. A busy bee like yourself best imbibe a bee’s knees cocktail ASAP. Bottoms up!

It’s all about you and your money dear pisces. This month, don’t listen to that other fish trying to pull you down to the bottom of the ocean. Listen to your inner flying fish and leap out of the sea towards that rainbow with the pot of gold. Choose your investments wisely and you will certainly not regret them. Celebrate your future wealth with an extravagant libation.

well astrology is getting just that little bit trendier every day… when THE GAP starts selling zodiac onesies you know astrology’s appeal is universal. $12.50; size runs only as far as 2T. BUMMER, i wanted to get one for my 4T niece. but then i found this website (probably the one that the GAP knocked off)…
OBEY THE BABY where they offer onesies, bibs and tees in the coolest distressed motifs. AND, they have the decency to go all the way up to size 4T! ($9-$15)

i’ve always had a soft spot for oprah. me and the rest of america, right? ever since oprah’s exposure of the beef industry, i’ve respected her for taking on the hugely powerful business of cattle, while also being a compassionate and successful businesswoman. GO GIRL. which is more than i can say for another successful businesswoman’s prosperous dalliance with the beef industry. yup, lots of good stuff you never knew about hillary out there…

last summer, i attended the NYIGF, a trade show in new york city. i spied a mammoth-sized martini glass and had to make it mine. ALL MINE. nothing would stop me from aquiring this awesome piece of plastic. except OPRAH that is. i made an appointment to return to the exhibitor’s booth at the end of the show and pick up my huge martini glass… i was so exited!!! however, i arrived to be told that the OPRAH peeps had beat me to the punch and swiped it right out from under me. i was astonished… how could they possibly think they would benefit more from giving it to OPRAH, than to me. the nerve. life is so cruel… oprah, how could you? (i finally did get myself a mammoth martini glass. it took a few months of incessant nagging, but all worth it : )

ok, fast forward to now… i just found out that OPRAH has purchased - yes, paid for lock, stock and barrel - her astrological constellation and ruling planet (for an undisclosed 8 digit figure). hell, i didn’t even know they were up for sale! to repeat, OPRAH owns AQUARIUS and URANUS. the latter of which she likes to refer to as MYANUS®. whada sense of humour, that OPRAH. in january 2006, she unveiled her “birthday present to herself” in front of an all-aquarian audience that was later presented with AQUARIAN gemstone bracelets and horoscopes written by OPRAH’S personal astrologer, Steadfast. (who knew?) so between her love of large glassware, expensive planets and fruity tipples, OPRAH is a serious zodiacal intoxicant!

here are some of OPRAH’S favorite liquid things:
OPRAH’S FAVORITE POMEGRANATE MARTINI RECIPE
OPRAH’S LEGENDS LEMON DROP MARTINI

Parties, meetings, dinners, happy hours, more meetings… there is some serious action filled activity in your future… and as an aries you’ll love every minute of it! But this month will be so frenetic, that even YOUR boundless energy might begin to wane. It’ll be hard, but refrain from getting sloshed. with everything else that’s going on, The last thing you’ll want to nurse is a hangover. Limit one.

Taurus’ brand of laid back ambition is quite beneficial this month. Did you know that The bull is the zodiacal gardener? try planting a garden if you haven’t before–your naturally green thumbs will likely work magic! Why not start with mint for some summer mojitos? Like seeds that have been sown, patiently allow your dreams to grow slowly and surly on their own. Though you can’t see it, there are roots developing. And Like a plant breaking through the soil, you will clearly see when it is time to put your plan into motion.

This moth will require split second decisions, and offer sparkling opportunities. Including ones pertaining to your love life–always a favorite of the twins! In typical geminian style, You’ll probably want to jump right in. but don’t. stick your little toe in and feel the water first. If it feels good, then go for it. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “let me sleep on it.’ Mull over that proposition with a well-deserved night cap, and get back to them in the morning.

This month offers the chance to make some real progress with whatever you have been toiling on. The stars are aligned for good decision making… so do it, and do it now! A boost of self confidence will make this much easier, so surround yourself with positive people, and positively good drinks. You are crab, hear you roar. Seize this month’s moment dear cancer, cocktail in hand, smile on face.

This month you have the chance to be the star pupil in the school of life. Don’t rely on anyone else to learn for you. Push your own envelope, and go through the motions yourself. You are a sponge, and an infinite amount of wisdom is yours for the taking if you will only put in the effort required. Do you know how to make a caipirinha? It’s this summer’s hottest drink… master that first, and move on to more serious lessons from there…

An intense month is in store… and as a virgo you can handle the pressure better than most signs. You might feel like shouting at the top of your lungs in anger or elation, but try not to! Meet this month’s challenging energy with diplomacy and calm. Your reward will be an avoidance of unwanted friction, and why not a specialty cocktail too? Kumquats are just ending their season, so snatch up the last few and chill out with a kumquat kooler. Avoid losing your head during the day by loosening up with a drink at night.

Love makes the world go round, especially now, with a planetary emphasis on your relationships this month. As a diplomatic libra, grace and tact serve you quite well. But right now, blunt candor will serve you better. Easier said than done for a sign as gracious and charming as yourself. Remember that A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. Dear libra, drink up and start talking!

Steady as she goes is this month’s MO. Not so simple, as scorpio is the sign of extremes. But now is a time where Moderation is truly key. To repeat, now is not the time to be downing cocktail shots, but one to be distilling the pomegranate gin for next month’s gourmet tipple. Be it alcohol, people, work or play… caution is hot, and Spontaneity is not.

Smooth sailing ahead… sunny blue skies, warm pleasant breezes and sweet strawberry daiquiris are all in your future. As the hedonistic sign of Sagittarius, you don’t need to be told how to enjoy life. So dear hunting centaur, this month I implore you to do just that. Lay low with a stiff one and savor life’s riches.

This month will be ushered in with the dizzying pace you seem to have grown accustomed. Never fear though, there is light at the end of the tunnel and this month promises to end on a calmer note. Contrary to your belief, Not every agenda needs to be coddled and steered. When it is time to resume that task it will be made very obvious to you. Be sure to celebrate the end of april with a golden tipple… you deserve it ms. workaholic.

So much to do, so little time with which to do it. This month’s hectic energy may have you running around like an unfortunate chicken (a headless one). Unless they go by the name of whiskey, vodka or gin, avoid getting involved in too many things. Better to solve one problem than to almost solve five. A busy bee like yourself best imbibe a bee’s knees cocktail ASAP. Bottoms up!

It’s all about you and your money dear pisces. This month, don’t listen to that other fish trying to pull you down to the bottom of the ocean. Listen to your inner flying fish and leap out of the sea towards that rainbow with the pot of gold. Choose your investments wisely and you will certainly not regret them. Celebrate your future wealth with an extravagant libation.