ask any cocktail aficionado, and they will agree that quality ice is an important ingredient in any good drink. (see my related water post here).
There are hundreds of waters available today, all promoting a unique feature from some sacred spring from which it sprung, to anti-oxidant qualities rivaling that of acai, pomegranate and cranberry put together, to the extreme eco-friendliness of recycled sewage or tap water. my good friend jan swears by Jennifer anniston’s smart water. world renowned Masaru emoto happens to market his own brand of energized water as well, which i’m sure works. if you think for a moment, i’m sure you know AT LEAST one person that has invested in a water ionizer. personally, i’m hopelessly in love with the water from my parent’s upstate NY well, so much so that i’d schlep 20 gallons at a time back to manhattan with me. the bottom line is that we love water, and obviously believe the quality of our water matters. if you don’t believe that water is magical, mutable, alive, and conscious, then perhaps watching this mind-blowing video will change your mind. again, the incredible japanese have devised a way to transmute water into fuel. it’s likely that cars will one day run off of water!
i have outlined my personal experiences with kangen water below. i give you my word that i have not made any of this up, it is all truth and witnessed by myself, first hand. really, seriously, CHANGE YOUR WATER, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! it changed mine.
during my trunk show at henri bendel i met a doctoral student who was familiar with kangen water—he said it was an amazing product. i was surprised he knew of it, as most new yorkers have never heard of it. i naturally assumed he had his own kangen water machine, but he told me he didn’t. surprised, i asked why not? he told me he doesn’t need one, because he transmutes his own water! Ok, well, if you are transmuting chemical-laden city water into healthy vibrant water with only the power of your mind, or some other newfangled device, don’t bother finishing this article… you don’t need a kangen machine! But if you’re like me–not fully able to alchemize lead into gold just yet–then read on my Neanderthal friend, read on… [UPDATE 2/1/11: this person has since bought a machine]
i first learned that i had an acidity problem 1 1/2 years ago. doctor mony vital, explained to me that i could simply alkalize my body by cutting out the highly acidic foods such as EVERYTHING I SUBSISTED ON! as a vegan, my pickins were all ready slim, and now i had to nix such dietary staples such as citrus, tomatoes, soy, mushroom, white rice, dairy, garlic, coffee and that little old thing called S-T-R-E-S-S. it took over a year to accomplish this herculean feat, but for the most part, i’ve done it. (contact mony for a free one-time health analysis—it will blow your socks off. 
watch mony’s groundbreaking video here.) no sooner of course, did i kick those devilish foods, when i learned about the secret shortcut called KANGEN WATER. to think i could have just been drinking this water the whole time–it’s good i found out about the kangen water after i gave up my favorite goodies or i’m pretty sure i’d never have done it.
the fact is that kangen water can FAST TRACK you (and your pets) to an alkaline body and better health. If you don’t know that acid is a serial killer, well let me be the first to tell you. 
Acid is one of the major routes of ANY type of disease. the way-ahead-of-his-time german scientist, OTTO HEINRICH WARBURG, found that cancer grows in acidic environments, and not alkaline ones. he also found that a lack of oxygen in the body creates acid. GENIUS.
Our bodies are 70%-90% water. In light of this scientific fact, There should be no question that each of us is our own walking fish tank. Keeping fish (especially tropical) requires regular testing of the tank water to ensure the safety of the fish. If the water is too acidic, the fish will sicken or die. When this happens, the entire tank must be emptied and refilled with fresh, neutral water. If we treated our bodies more like the fish tanks they were, we’d be quicker to identify, and even prevent, disease. Obviously we can’t exactly change the water in our body-tanks, but we can pump fresh, high-quality water into them. just know that like men, all water is not created equal; and all water ionizers are not created equal either. well everyone, i am here to tell you that i have officially found the highest quality water that money can buy: KANGEN. in a nutshell, hydration is the root of all illness, simply because oxygen is carried in water. if the water is not being delivered to all of our 70 trillion cells, then our body is operating in an oxygen-deprived environment. that is the true reason for disease. kangen water has been restructured to be able to fit through our cell membranes and deliver this oxygen to our cells. is is this simple!
MY EXPERIENCE WITH KANGEN WATER THUS FAR:
i was introduced to kangen water only a few months ago––in that short time i’ve seen astounding results. read on, dear reader…
1. i have noticed that my healthier friends don’t usually find the water immediately special after drinking it. but my less healthy friends are almost instantaneously and ostensibly helped by the water. i’ll admit that as a reasonably healthy person i felt nothing special about the water when i first drank it. but my distributor friend insisted that it was special, and my mom even told me that she’d noticed a boost in her energy when she tried it. hmmnnn… i was determined to prove kangen’s power or not! so, when i fell ill this winter, the perfect opportunity to test the healing power of the water presented itself. I’m going to attempt to maintain an ounce of my privacy and spare you the precise nature of my affliction. Let it be said though, that after a week or so of drinking kangen water, my little problem went away. when i stopped drinking the water, my little problem came back. that’s when i first realized that there was something about this water… [2.1.11 UDATE: i have been drinking the water for six months, and my health is perfect. my little problem is gone. i would not sell my kangen machine for any amount of money in the world. this machine is the reason for my health.]
2. My good friend jan (smart water fan above) has a 14 year old dog who was bedridden—or more accurately–floor-ridden. sweetie wouldn’t get up, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink… and it had been three days. jan was thinking about the unthinkable, if you catch my drift. I decided to bring sweetie some kangen water as a last resort. no sooner had i placed the bowl of water on the floor in front of sweetie, than she started lapping it up like she’d never seen water before. jan’s cat even tried to get in on the action and sip some up for herself, even though i made it perfectly clear that this was dog, not cat, water. well within five minutes sweetie was practically running laps around the apartment. seriously, this was a miracle, and i had seen it firsthand. sweetie then ate, and went for a walk with me outside. granted, sweetie was falling down every now and then, and running in an odd circular pattern—but for someone who was supposed to be “passing over” any minute now–she was doing awesome. jan bought a kangen machine from me the next day. She claims it makes her 72 year old hair feel like silk, and that she has more energy too. recently, i paid jan and cookie a visit. as a test, i offered cookie some tap water, which she turned her nose up at. when i offered her freshly made kangen water she drank half a bowl without taking a rest. swear. jan told me cookie she is regaining strength in her back legs, but she still has difficulty getting around. jan’s fellow seniors at the center she dines at daily, have remarked that her hair looks fabulous. 
(credit) they all to want to know what she is doing to make it so beautiful! jan also shared with me that she has never been able to grow her nails long as they chip and break. she now has healthy, long, hard nails! she has no desire to drink any other type of water, except her kangen—she’s completely off her smart water. one last observation is that jan started brewing her coffee with kangen. it should be noted that jan is quite the coffee connoisseur to say the least. jan’s mouth almost exploded when she tasted her kangen coffee… the flavor was beyond description. she claims she’d never tasted coffee that delicious in her life: wow. i personally have noticed that jan has much more stamina when i visit her. personally, i find the difference in her energy level astounding. [2.1.11 UPDATE: jan's recurring yeast infection is no longer. this is another priceless miracle. the doggie died three months later.]
3. most recently, i met someone with Sciatica, and i just happened to have a gallon of fresh kangen water on me. i’d heard this water was particularly good for relieving this type of pain, so i offered it to her… and went about my business, returning to check in on my new friend a few hours later. when i returned she was in awe as she explained to me that the mind-numbing pain in her leg was completely gone. i had witnessed yet another kangen miracle. this person also claimed that it gave her an incredible energy boost.
4. jan’s friend jennifer had a severe urinary tract infection that needed treatment with cypro. her doctor forgot to write the script and jennifer was forced to endure another night in agony. jan ran some kangen water over to her, instructing her to drink it as if it were medicine. it was only a few hours later that jennifer called jan to say she was still in some pain, but to a much less degree. in fact, she went on to tell jan, she had actually gotten up and cleaned the house and went shopping–something she hadn’t been able to do in weeks! again, she commented not only on the immediate and lasting burst of energy, but the clarity of thought that the kangen water gave her.
5. i gave some kangen water to my mom’s friend, who has a high blood pressure problem. she drank the water for two days and got her blood pressure tested. it was lower all ready! coincidence? i don’t believe in them… [2.1.11 UPDATE: this person has been off her blood pressure meds for four months, and is in love with her kangen machine. she even takes it on vacation with her. she is finding that she has a lot more energy than she used to. she is also pleased that her 6 year old grandson comes and asks her for a glass of "miracle water." children love kangen water! her other 4 year old granddaughter had problems going number two, if you catch my drift. she has no problems at all now that she has been drinking the water.]
[2.1.11 UPDATE: for those of you who don't know, i am a die-hard animal lover. i live with my dog and five cats. here is our story:
my cat had megacolon, which means he became unable to eliminate on his own. i have been giving him daily cat enemas to help him go and stay alive. on top of that, he has been on a strict pumpkin and low ash cat food mixture. this was working, for about 10 months. but then even that stopped. i called the vet to put him to sleep and realized that i had never seriously tried the kangen water. i cancelled the vet appointment, and vowed to give him a real shot to live. every day, mixed his food with freshly made kangen water. well, it has been three months, and he is pooping again on his own. my vetrinarians think i'm lying. they don't even believe me! i occasionally give him an enema, but he is able to live now on just his modified diet with kangen water. this cat was supposed to be dead over a year ago.
my siberian husky will not drink the well water any more. she will only drink kangen water. she would rather go thirsty on the porch all day than drink the bowl of regular water out there. it is astounding. incidentally, she had cancer two years ago. the vet did surgery on her and gave her a year to live--tops. well, it's over two years later and the vet is in shock that she is not only here, but in great health. the reason is that i have been giving her cancer-fighting herbs, more veggies, better quality food, and kangen water.
my other cat is 21 years old. she was getting really bad... we were talking about putting her to sleep. she wasn't eating much, and stopped moving around. that is when i bought my kangen machine. she is now eating like a horse, and walking around the house with a spring in her step. she is at that water bowl, 20 times a day, drinking kangen water. i am positive she knows it is the reason she is still here.
my other cat is only seven. every morning when i get up she waits by the bowl of kangen water. she mews incessantly until i fill it up with FRESH kangen water. (it expires after two days, which is why you need your own machine.) as soon as i fill it she laps it up.
my friend's duck was attacked by a coyote. it was a bloody mess. he applied the level 2.5 sterilizing kangen water to the wound for a few days. the duck got better. no infection came to the wound. this wound was very deep, and my friend was shocked that the duck actually made it.]
my mom is an avid gardener. she was unable to get some dandelions out from between the stones in her path. she even tried the god-awful ROUND-UP. i suggested that she use the level 2.5 sterilizing kangen water on the weeds. IT WORKED! no more dandelions, it killed them!!!!
since i have started drinking kangen water, my three mile jog comes in five minutes faster. no kidding!
also, since i started drinking the water, i am not so hungry. the brain cannot distinguish between food and water in the satisfaction of hunger. so, if you drink the water your body thinks it is full with food. the water does not sit in your stomach like regular water, because it is moving three dimensionally through your body.
***i use the kangen water to clean my windows. no more windex! it works just as good.
***i use it to clear skin blemishes, no more creams! the water feels like silk on your skin.
***i use it to degrease my stove, no more cleaning agents! it works BETTER than the cleaners. schmutz just comes right up, no elbow grease needed. it is truly amazing.
***i use it to brush my teeth, and whiten them too.
***i water my plants with the level 8.5 when they are in flower to give them an extra boost.
***i add it to my laundry to get the dirt out with less detergent, and make it brighter.
there seems to be nothing that can’t be done with this kangen water!
so peeps, this has been my short and collective personal experience thus far. and i can assure you i’m so not making any of this stuff up. through others, and from others, i could recount endless stories that I’ve heard along these same lines… tales involving horses, dogs and cats, tales involving humans with autism, depression, insomnia, asthma, heartburn, arthritis, krohn’s, ulcers, gastric problems, heart disease, pet and other types of allergies, kidney stones, skin conditions, gout, candidiasis, fungus, gastronomy problems, sarcoidosis, diabetes, cancer, weight problems, prostate and colon problems, auto-immune diseases, brain fog and more… they are all tales of varying success. my apologies for discussing nasty stuff on a cocktail blog, but i feel compelled to advertise the extreme medicinal nature of this water, so forgive me for being gross!
SO HOW DOES KANGEN WATER WORK?
The name kangen is Japanese for “return to the origin,” which describes the fact that kangen converts our now toxic water back into its natural, pristine state. i’ve been told that the actual technology for the kangen machine was used by the Russians, long before japan capitalized on it. If this is the truth, I say THANK YOU, to the japanese for bringing this miraculous technology to the public! There are too many suppressed ideas, technologies and inventions out there. the japanese studied the healing water at the spring of lourdes, france, famous for it’s life-enhancing quality. it was found to have a high concentration of hydrogen, which means it was really alkalized! the structure of the famous water at lourdes was emulated and in 1965 kangen water was born. the inventor, Dr. Shinya is no quack. he treats the japanese royal family, at least one US president and many politicians and celebrities. he’s been professor of surgery at albert einstein college of medicine, chief of endoscopy at beth israel medical center and is the founder of the shinya medical clinic. Kangen water FINALLY arrived in the states in 1995 in california (of course), and has only been available on the east coast since 2004. available the world over, a new office is opened every three months—in a worldwide recession. so now you CAN drink the water in mexico!
The kangen machine hooks up to a regular sink and cycles the tap water across electro magnetic plates, which replace the acidity with alkalinity. This highly alkalized water only lasts for 48-72 hours. After that, it returns to regular water. While It won’t hurt you to drink stale water, it certainly won’t help either. This two-day shelf life is why kangen water cannot be sold in stores, but can only be served fresh. Recently, during my trunk show at henri bendel I had a Japanese customer. (The Japanese LOVE all things zodiac —and they especially adore intoxicated zodiac candles!) I asked my Japanese customer if she had heard of I asked if she had one in her home and she said no, whenever she wanted some she would just go to café where she could buy a glass. not only is it regularly sold in restaurants, kangen water and 
she said yes, of course! but every major hospital in japan prescribes kangen water to its patients. This is a medical grade machine, not to be confused with a regular water ionizer. The platinum and titanium plates are manufactured in korea. Unlike the other water ionizers on the market, it’s not made in a Chinese factory that specializes in manufacturing refridgerator parts.
ECO TRAGEDY: read my post on plastic bottle art here. not only are plastic beverage bottles made from oil, but two million of them bottles are used in the US every five minutes. it’s disgusting that most of them are never recycled. when i travel, if i can’t recycle my trash on the road i will bring it home with me. my friends call me a fanatic, but i’ve been called worse. if you are like me, an avid recycler, remember that even recycling takes an immense amount of resources! now phylates are showing up in cord blood! let me repeat that: plastic has been found in children’s blood-not to mention every subtle and unseen link of our ecosystem. obviously, recycling isn’t quite cutting it. this is just one more reason to make your own, homemade, bottled water! PS: to sterilize your bottles, simply rinse them in kangen 2.5 electrolyte water! easy peasy…
WISE INVESTMENT: the fact that most people spend more money on bottled water than on gas for their cars is reason enough to buy a kangen machine. $2 per day = $730 per year = $5110 in 7 yrs. so you see, a machine pays for itself over time… kangen is not an expense but an investment.
BELOW I CONDUCTED SOME KANGEN TESTS FOR YOUR PERUSAL AND AMAZEMENT:
DROPPING ACID: i tested the kangen using drops. for all you chemistry buffs out there, i used a bottle composed of ethanol, phenolphthalein, bromothymol, blue and methyl red:
1) KANGEN WATER turns purple with an acidity of -900. that is hyper-alkalized!
2) WELL WATER turns blue—the best you can hope for without the benefit of an enhancing device such as a kangen machine.
3) VODKA (smirnoff) tested neutral and turned green. not acidic. not alkaline. not bad—after all, it is vodka! (different brands will turn different colors—i guess it has to do with the original source of ingredients used.)
4. SODA is off the charts with an acidity of +400 and a bright orange color. ironically, many “health drinks” such as gatorade are just as bad!
5. BOTTLED WATER that is highly acidic with a color similar to the toxic soda above. (every brand differs in its acidity.)
6. MORE BOTTLED WATER that actually promotes its “anti-oxidant” qualities on the label!
7. TEQUILA tested super acidic, but again, different brands of alcohol have different levels of alkalinity and acidity.
TEA BAGGED:
the second awesome feature of kangen water is that the molecular density of the molecules is restructured in the alkalizing process, making them small enough to fit through our cell membranes. have you ever drunk a big glass of water and felt like it was just sitting there in your stomach? that’s because it was! and that’s why you might still thirst, even after several glasses of water. to demonstrate this amazing feature i placed in tea bag in a cup of ROOM TEMPERATURE water: the glass in the middle contained fresh kangen water and the others contained various bottled and tap waters. well, wouldn’t you know that the tea bag in the kangen water turned the water a pretty dark brown, and the tea bags in the other waters stayed a light shade of brown. with kangen water, you can have a cup of tea without even boiling water! the penetration of the water is so intense it can permeate a tea bag in cold water! wow. that blew me away.
LUBIN’ UP:
on the left you will clearly see a mixture of oil and tap water. as usual, it does not mix, but the oil sits on the surface of the water.
on the right i combined oil with KANGEN WATER. it immediately emulsified the oil! you will see that it looks cloudy…
DIRTY DIRTY:
kangen electrolyte water 11.5 will take the pesticide off produce. yup, you heard me right… if you can’t afford to buy organic, you can now escape the pesticide, herbicide, wax and who knows what crap they soak our food in anyway!
to test this quality, i soaked a tomato in tap water in the glass on the left. you will see that it is perfectly clear water. on the right, i soaked a tomato in kangen water and you will see that it is brownish in color. that is what the kangen water stripped away! it should also be noted that all fruits and veggies cleaned in kangen water taste better too. i guess it makes sense that pesticide does reduce the flavor of the fruit to which it’s adhered, no? incredible as it sounds, the restructured kangen molecule is reduced to 5 or 6 atoms down from 12-15. thus, it is able to really “get in there,” and you are able to enjoy relatively poison-free produce.
KANGEN ACIDIC WATER HAS A PLETHORA OF PRICELESS USES:
another feature of kangen water is the machine’s ability to produce not only alkaline water, but acidic water too. This highly acidified water (Strong Electrolyte Acid Water pH 2.6) may be used to sanitize surfaces, and can replace all the cleaning agents in your home. talk about green cleaning!
Amazing as it sounds, acid kangen water is increasingly used in wound treatment to sterilize infected areas. salmonella? gone! here is a list of organisms that are all killed within 30 seconds of contact wtih 2.6 kangen: 
Hepatitis B virus, Tuberculosis, AIDS virus, Staphylococcus, Salmonella, Typhoid fever, Candida albicans, Pneumonia, Bread mold, Bathtub mold, Red yeast, Red color on plumbing fixture, Athletes foot, E. coli. for a complete and more specific list click here. after 72 hours, kangen water returns to its previous state. It is not harmful to the environment, or any living thing. dentists have started using this water for routine cleanings. and amazingly, this water smells just like bleach!
if you have a rash of any sort apply kangen water 11.5 to the affected area you will see results within one month and likely shorter. no more need to buy creams and medications! feel like you’re coming down with something? rinse your mouth out not with salt water, but with kangen electrolyte 11.5 water. this machine has a substantial variety of uses beyond drinking water.
in fact, I’m certain that one day someone will publish a book titled, 101 uses for kangen water. But for now, word of mouth has given me several ideas. Personally, I think a kangen water martini is in order!
ALTERNATIVE USES FOR KANGEN WATER: (besides those listed above)
thermal conduction: kangen’s quick transfer of heat saves time and energy
great for outing yellow toilets stains with 11.5 and then 2.5
ice made with kangen makes cocktails tastier and healthier 9.5
food cooked with kangen 9.5 has more flavor
cut flowers last longer in kangen 95.
houseplants thrive when watered with kangen 9.5
pets love kangen 9.5, it’s as good for them as it is for us
degrease with kangen 11.5
remove mildew with kangen 2.5
wash clothes to clean more thoroughly and whites whiter with kangen 11.5
teeth, when brushed with kangen 2.5, become whiter
add kangen 11.5 to bath water
use kangen 5.5 (beauty water) as an aftershave
when making pasta and tempura substitute kangen 5.5 (beauty water) for oil
enhance athletic performance with kangen 9.5
BEAUTY WATER: here i am, getting my beauty on. mist with electrolyte 5.5, an astringent. because of the water’s exceptionally penetrative nature, it is especially hydrating for the skin.
FOR MORE INFO ON KANGEN WATER VISIT THESE SITES:
if you feel like making the schlep to orange county choppers, there is a weekly kangen water meeting held in the hampton inn opposite it. every wednesday night at 7pm, come and have your mind blown by this breath taking demonstration. just be sure to sign in under the name of gwen kaiser, distributor #6151863.
kangenwatertime
kangen4pets.com (effects on pets & other animals)
https://sites.google.com/site/switchtokangen/ (medicinal effects on everything from brain disorders to allergies.)
kangenwatergreen.com (environmental benefits)
http://kangenworldteam.wordpress.com/ (personal testimonials)
www.kangenwaterreport.com (disinfectant test results)
phwaterforhealth.com (creative ways to use kangen)
articlesbase.com (kangen beauty water)
http://enzymefactor.com/ (kangen inventor, dr. hiromi shinya’s newest invention)
mywholywater.com (watch video)
sharethiswater.com (free ebook)
waterforyourhealth.com (free DVD)
mywholywater.info (my distribution group site)
enagic.com (corporate site)
PHONE CONFERENCE:
why are americans listed 38th out of 40 countries for health and longevity? (we’re below cuba). japan is #1 on the list! dr. dave carpenter explains why…
when: thursdays 9pm est
phone: 512.879.2059
pin: 388905#
whymolecules.com (dr. dave carpenter also advocates asea)
if you’d like to buy a kangen machine, i sell them too! drop me a line at gwen@intoxicatedzodiac.com to arrange purchase…
(DON’T SUE ME ; ) these statements and claims have not been evaluated by the fda. this product is not intended to treat, cure, prevent or diagnose anything. follow up care with your health care provider is recommended.)
you know when things just come together perfectly? like your day off and perfect weather? like a yard sale and your long lost trinket? like peanut butter and jelly? like thousands of people sandwiching themselves into tiny liberty square, peacefully and gracefully? when we stand as one, we are greater than the sum of our parts, we are perfection amplified. just… like p b & j. OCCUPY: WE ARE THE 99%
what i love most about 
Spring is in full force now that I’ve trekked from the desert back across the continental divide. I’ve watched trees go from buds to fresh green leaf, plants from bulbs and shoots to full flower and animals grow amorous to the point of being somewhat careless with life and limb. With the exception of the suicidal animal tendencies, it is difficult NOT to feel inspired to do something of the same thing. Love is definitely in the air, and if you are a fellow allergy sufferer, it is also in your sinuses. It is the time of year that makes me grateful for the hairlessness of my cats.
Cheers~Charon, The Most Dangerous Beauty Alive
i love bees. while they might fly around like mad little geminis, i believe they are truly capricornian in nature. as a goat myself, perhaps that is where my fondness for them stems. their byproduct, honey, is ruled by venus and is therefore a libra or taurus. so now that we’ve got the zodiac angle covered, let’s talk about honey, bees, and booze…
an alcoholic bird—a blue jay to be precise—saves the day in this off colour comedy featuring a highly personified animal film crew. author kevin shamel’s impressive imagination conjures up the likes of shittin’ rats, zombie cats, drunk birds, horny rats, masochistic pigs, evil dogs, and cinematographic chickens. all in one book. with the exception of the few non-evil critters who finally manage to save the day–and the one token innocent human–every creature in this book is a rotten little animal. this book is not for the faint of heart, but for those who appreciate a touch of dark humor and the fact that animals are much more like people than anyone realizes. i highly recommend this book—i was glued to the pages from start to finish. 
Join Celebrity Pet Photographer 
this little tale should make you feel better about your life: 
now i guess the houseplants were feeling neglected from all this sudden attention the four-legged furballs were getting, so they made a play to get some of gwen’s lovin’ for themselves. they went and caught a raging case of 
i managed to scrounge up some brandy, red wine, honey, anise, cardamon and cloves in total darkness and throw them on the grill. i almost threw myself on there too. though tasty, the ghetto glogg was mcdonalds hot. i threw in a snowball and went to bed. crawling underneath my 16 covers, with my 16 cats, and my cup o’ ghetto glogg, i vowed not to leave the second floor of the house… because guess what? heat really does rise. now was as good a time as any to read my tarot cards… drawing the devil card for my immediate future, things were decidedly not looking up. worried, but resigned i finally passed out. i woke to 2 feet of snow–and counting–and 3 trees blocking the driveway. damn… should have made my escape while i had the chance. now i was trapped (devil) and had to find someone with a chain saw asap. every friend i called was busy with their own disaster. i was screwed. thank god for the neighbor i’d never met who was out walking his dog as i desperately tried to free tree branches from their snow tombs. this earth angel came back with his chain saw, and as soon as the trees were cleared the plow truck showed and i high taled it outta there. it wasn’t until 6 days later that i regained access! S I X L O N G D A Y S. thank god for starbucks and their free wifi. 
