this little tale should make you feel better about your life:

after an exhausting week manning my booth at the nyigf, i arrived home sweet home to find that my cats had all come down with tapeworm. spending about 2 days disinfecting every surface in the house i then came to discover that they had roundworm too. awesome. repeat. since half of my cats are 17 plus year old geriatrics, this infestation didn’t sit too kindly with their antique systems. they’ve still not quite recovered. between pill popping (or jamming), enemas, specialized diets, quarantined litter boxes, ridiculously unnatural shedding, and you don’t even want to hear what else, i’ve become head nurse in a feline infirmary…

now i guess the houseplants were feeling neglected from all this sudden attention the four-legged furballs were getting, so they made a play to get some of gwen’s lovin’ for themselves. they went and caught a raging case of mealy bugs–YAH! my fave : ( if you’ve never encountered mealy bugs, well you just don’t know what you’re missing. i’ll spare you the details.

it was around this time that the inclement weather (light snow) caused a power outage for 1 1/2 days. not too unusual for these here parts… but the electric did come back on, and i jumped in that shower faster than you can say glogg, turned the heat up to 85 degrees, made food on the stove (as opposed to the bbq) and checked my email. i was as happy as a pig in shit.

and then the shit hit the fan, and a tree brought the power wire down. utopia equals game over. i needed alcohol and i needed it now. but as you might imagine, i’d grown weary of chilled cocktails—so i decided to try my hand at swedish cuisine, and attempt the traditional libation known as glogg, or in this particular case, ghetto glogg. best prepared in 45 degrees with a flashlight and gloves. i managed to scrounge up some brandy, red wine, honey, anise, cardamon and cloves in total darkness and throw them on the grill. i almost threw myself on there too. though tasty, the ghetto glogg was mcdonalds hot. i threw in a snowball and went to bed. crawling underneath my 16 covers, with my 16 cats, and my cup o’ ghetto glogg, i vowed not to leave the second floor of the house… because guess what? heat really does rise. now was as good a time as any to read my tarot cards… drawing the devil card for my immediate future, things were decidedly not looking up. worried, but resigned i finally passed out. i woke to 2 feet of snow–and counting–and 3 trees blocking the driveway. damn… should have made my escape while i had the chance. now i was trapped (devil) and had to find someone with a chain saw asap. every friend i called was busy with their own disaster. i was screwed. thank god for the neighbor i’d never met who was out walking his dog as i desperately tried to free tree branches from their snow tombs. this earth angel came back with his chain saw, and as soon as the trees were cleared the plow truck showed and i high taled it outta there. it wasn’t until 6 days later that i regained access! S I X L O N G D A Y S. thank god for starbucks and their free wifi.

NON-GHETTO GLOGG:
* 2 (750 milliliter) bottles red wine
* 2 ounces dried orange zest
* 2 ounces cinnamon sticks
* 20 whole cardamom seeds
* 25 whole cloves
* 1 pound blanched almonds
* 1 pound raisins
* 1 pound sugar cubes
* 5 fluid ounces brandy

1. Pour wine into a large pot. Bring to a boil over medium high heat. Wrap orange zest, cinnamon sticks, cardamom and cloves in cheesecloth, tie with kitchen string and put into pot. Let boil for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in almonds and raisins and continue to boil for 15 more minutes. Remove from heat.
2. Place a wire grill over the pot and cover with sugar cubes. Slowly pour on brandy, making sure to completely saturate the sugar. Light sugar with a match and let it flame. When sugar has melted, cover pot with lid to extinguish flame.
3. Stir and remove spice bag. Serve hot in cups with a few almonds and raisins.