sick of red bull and its hundred copy cats? well you’re in luck, because a new age of soda is upon us! first we had slow food (cool), then slow cocktails (awesome), then slow fashion (thank you god), and now slow soda (i’ve heard it all). meet DRANK BEVERAGE and MARY JANE’S RELAXING SODA…

both promise to “slow your roll,” and “focus a stress-filled life” respectively. sign me up!

MARY JANE’S Relaxing Soda contains Kava Extract and Passionflower. Effects are sometimes compared to that of alcohol, but do not cause side effects like drowsiness, “beer goggles”, tough-guy syndrome, or hangovers. Some have also compared the effects to marijuana (hence the name, Mary Jane) however, there are no side-effects such as, laziness, 2 am pizza runs, black light posters, or handcuffs. Recod for:
• Long Day • First Date • Road Rage • Job Interview • Deadbeat boyfriends • Lousy girlfriends • Long trip • Public Speaking

DRANK contains a combination of Valerian Root, Rose Hips, and Melatonin designed to “slow your roll” after a hectic day. A calming beverage, Drank is formulated to relax the body, mind, and soul. Drank is the perfect lifestyle beverage for those who can appreciate extreme relaxation. So grab a Drank and Slow Your Roll!

visit STUFF BOSTON here.

muddling all those mojitos, caipirinhas, Caipiroskas, or what have you can get a tad tedious. especially when your friends come over and all want a drink at the same time. as staples would say hit the easy button, oh god kill me for reciting corporate tag lines. but pitcher drinks are soooo easy. you can spend time actually talking to your guests instead of your muddler! this recipe here’s a cinch—just right to make in a pinch…

oh, wait, did i almost forget to convey the irrefutable fact that blueberry is ruled by jupiter, ruler of sagittarius? my, that would have been a travesty… cheers sagittarius!

PIE HOLE:
one 16 pz can blueberry pie filling
1/4 tsp lemon cooking oil
4 cups vodka
cream soda

stir ingredients well, except for the cream soda, in a pitcher. pack glass with ice, fill half with mixture. top with cream soda and stir. serve with a fork.

it’s not that my biological clock is ticking or anything, because i’m pretty sure i’m not in possession of one, but these glasses are too cute for words. get a set of eight plastic crystal cut wine goblets and tumblers for $4 at ikea. perfect for the little girl, or little boy, with a birthday coming up!

two valentine’s bevies that slithered across my desk:

1) FEVER: this non-carbonated herbal fusion is infused with only 100% natural ingredients. “FEVER heightens a persons euphoric state, while also stimulating the body and providing a natural source of energy.”

i had the KIWI STRAWBERRY, and it was good… i do believe it even stimulated me! at the time i drank it, i was in my booth at the jacob javitz center and thankfully i managed to control my lust. i simply channeled that energy into a killer sales pitch instead of…$#*!!:) considering that almost every buyer there was either a gay man or a straight woman, it wasn’t HARD to do. however, if i had consumed this delicious, libido-enhancing libation at any other time, well, i doubt i would have been able to control myself and the erotic FEVER this drink would have unleashed from the deepest caverns of my carnal self. shake things up this valentine’s day-mix it in a sexy nightcap.

2) LOVE POTION #9: this tasty cordial bears the perfect name for that fast approaching sexiest of days. oh yes, my fave, valentine’s day. i suggest pouring this fruity, tasty, sweet, delicious liqueur all over your lover’s sweet spots. oh how will you clean up that desirable mess? of course i strongly recommend preparing a valentine’s day COCKtail with it too… i do believe that LOVE POTION #9 is a guaranteed good time no matter how you use it.

“LOVE POTION #9 is a 60-proof, distilled spirits specialty that was developed over the course of five years and almost 1,800 trial-and-error formulations before its blend of 20 exotic tropical fruit flavors, including mango, peach, chocolate, vanilla, pear, apple, cherry, almond and many others, was perfected.”