the cocktailian ingredient, bitters, is bitterly martian in nature. this herbal tonic is so intense that a few drops are usually all that’s called for in a recipe. just like the ram’s headstrong personality, the flavor is that powerful and strong. funny isn’t it, that the word sheepish never, ever describes the numero uno sheep - aries? of all the brands of bitters (of which there are many) agnostura bitters is the most commonly found. however, i recommend checking out FEE BROTHERS for their wide breadth of flavour selection. or, you can even make your own. ironically - again - aries is one sign that rarely get bitter about life. they are eternally optimistic and forever positive. that’s one of the many qualities that makes them so alluring and fun to party with. the ultimate heartbreaker - aries is usually the one to end the relationship and not the other way around. it’s their lust victim that ends up feeling bitter. several aries boyfriends and bittersweet endings later, i can attest to that.

HEADY AFFAIR (BITTER JASMINE MARTEANI)
1 oz gin
1 1/2 oz jasmine tea*
1 oz honey syrup*
1/3 oz fresh lemon juice
3-5 drops agnostura bitters

note: honey syrup tends to separate when mixed in a cocktail, so drink up right away!

*to brew jasmine tea, make an extra strong cup by adding three teabags. if you wish to use immediately, plunge in bowl of ice water after steeping.

* to make honey syrup, bring 1 cup water to simmer and remove from heat. add 1/2 cup honey and stir until dissolved. add splash vodka to preserve and store in fridge.

a little over a year ago, the Sunday Times featured a meat cocktail recipe. up until now, i’d only seen the use of flesh laden tipples in old cocktail books. but now, Pork margaritas were being served in brooklyn, and selling like hotcakes too. bacon-infused tequila in pork rind rimmed glass - ew. the fact that this occurred in the trendsetting city of brooklyn had me worried, for when brooklyn does something, new jersey follows suit. you know what that means: chicken daiquiris in applebees.

fast forward about a year… no chicken dacqueris at applebees yet, and the NY Times is again reporting on flesh. this time with an incredibly revealing piece on the business of meat. like the millions of cows that pass through its doors, this industry’s days are also numbered. YES!!! but, don’t worry flesh-hounds… it’s gonna take years. plenty of shell steak still to come, you’ll just have shell out a bit more for them. the article was written by a non-vegetarian and is therefore as unbiased as one can hope for. mark bittman simply reports the facts as they relate to the environment. no other industry issues (of which there are many) are discussed at length. it is such a truly enlightening read, especially if you are trying to “go green,” and i implore you all to consider spending your next free half hour doing just that. here is the link.

every bad girl likes a good sausage tipple. but sorry gals, these grade D cocktails are on the way out, so enjoy them while they last. meat is so last season… veggies are hot, flesh is not. enough redoric though, read for yourself about the uncanny medicinal power of a plant-based diet.

ONTO THE MEATY RECIPES:
my fave, COCK ALE from “Old Time Recipes for Homemade Wines, Cordials and Liqueurs from Fruits, Flowers, Vegetables and Shrubs” by Helen S. Wright


mad cow bunnies from “The Cocktails of the Ritz Paris” by Colin Peter Field.


BULLSHOT from AMERICAN BAR by Charles Schumann


from the COMPLETE HOME BARTENDER’S GUIDE by SALVATORE CALABRESE


CHILLED GINGER CAVIAR MELON MARTINI from death’s door spirits more on cruel caviar…



INFUSED CHICKEN VODKA from INFUSIONS OF GRANDEUR


BLOODY MESS from IMBIBE MAG


CRAPTAIL VIA CHOW


how about some meat stir sticks? add these pencil toppers to chop- sticks.


and last but not least, make your MEAT’TINI last longer…

my fave by far are these kitchy pieces by NAUGHTY SECRETARY CLUB, but there’s plenty of other astro choices…

ASTRO DOMINO CHARM $16


VINTAGE ZODIAC CUFF $24

ASTRO CAMEO CHARM $20

(more…)

yesturday, santa monica was the latest in a slew of california cities to officially implement a ban on the use of styrofoam beverage containers. (they are the only city to ban BOTH styrofoam AND non-recyclable plastics) suitable alternatives are more expensive in the all ready tightly budgeted and highly competitive restaurant business, instilling fear in many smaller establishments. sometimes the cost can be as high as double…
check out this awesome ceramic cup! only $20 at DCI PRODUCT VIA JOSH SPEARso remember peeps, you get what you pay for. ante up and save mama earth. new york, when are we going to jump on this BANdwagon?

VIA PACKAGING DIGEST
photo: MEDOFFICEDIRECT.COM

well, if ethyl alcohol is ruled by mercury (gemini & virgo), then “eco” alcohol certainly belongs to virgo. yes, the angel of purity and messenger of good, surely wishes those same qualities to be present in her libation. and good for the planet alcohol is infiltrating the spirit market; not a moment to late. check out the latest round up:

Loft’s LEMONGRASS CELLO comes from a certified organic and certified biodynamic farm in California.


PHILLIPS UNION teamed up with a local FARMER’S COOP to create PRAIRIE VODKA organic corn vodka. yah… gm-free corn… there ain’t no gmo’s in this vodka!!!


PEAK SPIRITS is a colorado distillery that makes CapRock Vodka, CapRock Gin, Peak Eaux de Vie, and Peak Estate Grappa-ar from organic fruit and pure mountain water. they are secured the holy grail, and have been certified organic.

CORE VODKA from New York (the Empire State) uses every part of the apple, yielding no waste. The distillery has plans to make biodiesel from it’s waste, and to go “off the grid”. meaning, lowering their carbon emissions to below 0%. GO NEW YORK!

TRU VODKAS is the latest brainchild from the peeps over at MODERN SPIRITS. it’s a certified organic vodka made from American wheat and comes in recycled, recyclable or biodegradable packaging. a tree is planted for every bottle sold. (Straight, Lemon or Vanilla flavors)

DEATH’S DOOR SPIRITS: the latest eco friendly liquor to come across my laptop, also has the coolest name out of the bunch. must belong to scorpio (sign of death & rebirth). vodka and gin is made with herbicide and pesticide free ingredients that are locally sourced whenever possible. check ‘em out… their graphic design is too die for.

MOD MIX: LOVE the only organic cocktail mixer on the market today. my fave it the Lavender Lemon Drop, made with certified organic fruit, herbs and sugar.

ORGANIC SPIRITS CO: a good assortment of scotch, gin and wine are all offered by this truly “dark green” company. their current brands are:
SWORDSMAN GIN
GLEN TORRAN WHISKY
ISLAND OF GEESE ISLAY WHISKY
OLD BRIDGE WHISKY

SQUARE ONE VODKA: made with Certified Organic American Rye, this vodka is double thick cream in a sea of skim milk. i know of one snooty GREY GOOSE convert, who now exclusively drinks SQUARE ONE. i’m sure there are many more just like her…

360 VODKA: the actual vodka is not in any way “green.” but 360 makes up for that tenfold by innovatively focusing on what no other brand has: the packaging. not only is it recycled paper with environmentally sensitive printing, but their distillary is powered by Renewable Energy, and they donate to environmental groups through their “close the loop” program.

REYKA VODKA: this icelandic vodka is distilled using geothermal energy, provided by the country’s ubiquitous underground hot springs. plus, the website is hillarous - entering an age under 21 gets your redirected to seseme street.

SNOW LEOPARD: not an organic alcohol, but a very generous one that financially supports the preservation of the near-extinct snow leopard. kitty lover that i am, of course, they are my favorite eco liquor on the list. too bad this SNOW LEOPARD’s not available in the USA.

RAIN VODKA: made from Certified White Organic Corn. REPEAT: that’s NON-GMO corn! here in the USA! that in itself is a god given miracle. almost every single kernel of corn grown today is tainted, and carcinogenic. even that innocent pack of seeds you bought to plant in your garden this spring. GMO foods have been PROVEN to cause cancer. RAIN vodka will not cause cancer, drink up!

JAGUAR VODKA: ok, ok, i lied. SNOW LEOPARD VODKA is not my favorite eco alcohol. i have two fave eco alcohols: the former and JAGUAR VODKA. again, not an organic spirit, per say, but the company donates money to preserve endangered Jaguars. what is it about cats?!

ZODIAC VODKA: INTOXICATED ZODIAC’S soul mate is not an organic spirit, but one whose distillery Uses Renewable Energy. XOXO, luv ya ZODIAC VODKA ; )

SNOW QUEEN VODKA: definetely the most fashionable spirit on the list… the SNOW QUEEN ad resembles a vogue photoshoot. she’s one hot vodka, beautiful on the outside, and the inside, with Certified Organic Wheat ingredients.

RIVERS ROYAL RUM: it’s Grenadian. it’s Organic. don’t ask me where to buy it! you might start here.

LIQUID ICE VODKA: this certified, multi-grain (Wheat, Corn, Barley, Rye, Oat) Organic vodka is not only kind to mother earth… but to Jews as well. it’s kosher!

ORANGE V VODKA: this tasty orange vodka is not an organic spirit, albeit, their distillery Uses Renewable Energy.

VINCEREMOS ORGANIC SPIRITS: enjoy shopping guilt free from this Extensive Organic Selection. oh. yeah. liquor miles. oops. hmmnnn… time to offset your carbon!

X-RATED FUSION LIQUEUR: this pretty in pink liqueur calls upon Certified Organic Fruit Juices to make it’s equally attractive flavor.

VODKA 14: not only is VODKA 14 a Certified Organic American Grain vodka, but great care has been taken to ensure the environmental soundness of each aspect of the bottle. well, most aspects… baked on ink rather than plastic labels, and a “friendlier” pvc seal are just a few of the bottle’s eco perks. sleekly designed website to boot, a visit to VODKA 14 is advised.

WHITE GOLD RUSSIAN VODKA: claims to use organic grain. i can’t provide any evidence of that other than their word at the NEW YORK BAR SHOW last year. all though their printed collateral highlighted this, they have not updated their website to reflect their alledged environmentalism.

CHARBAY: the CHARBAY peeps use organic pomegranites, blood oranges and meyer lemons in their infused vodkas. hey, every little bit helps!

HALEAKALA DISTILLERS: thanks scott : ) the makers of the GMO-FREE, MADE-ON-MAUI RUMS, are hard core ecoists! They donate money to preserve the pacific whale population. and get this, their Company Vehicles are all run on Biodiesel. i feel their environmental policy is worth reciting:

“All products shipped from this store are packed in recycled materials. We, like everyone else in the industry, used to use styrofoam, but have now found superior recycled paper and cardboard containers which are themselves very recyclable. Byproducts which would be landfill waste in many other companies are used for energy. Everything used within the distillery which can be recycled is recycled. Our process water is returned to nearby cow pastures as a natural irrigation-applied fertilizer. Waste glass, metal, cardboard and other materials are taken to the Makawao recycling center.”

PURUS VODKA: even BUDWEISER is getting into the eco act with PURUS, made with locally harvested organic italian wheat. each bottle boasts a TREE-FREE label printed with soy ink which is then adhered with WATER-BASED ADHESIVE, and a SUSTAINABLY HARVESTED CORK stopper. woah…. PURUS also planted 100,000 trees in the USA as a promotional product launch. could PURUS be the king of vodkas?

FOSTER’S: In collaboration with the Australian government, Foster’s is Developing a Microbial Fuel Cell For Clean Energy Production. three cheers to their brand, STELLA ARTOIS, which recently sponsered a fundraiser to donate money to the fight against the illegal wildlife poaching trade.

JUNIPER GREEN ORGANIC LONDON GIN
UTKINS U.K. 5 ORGANIC VODKA (world’s only UNFILTERED vodka - extraordinarily smooth)
HIGHLAND HARVEST ORGANIC SCOTCH WHISKEY
PAPAGAYO ORGANIC RUM

4 COPAS TEQUILA: organically certified agave plants are distilled to create four different tequilas. to find out the difference between them, and other fascinating facts about this famous liquor, their website is a must. they have also nobly crafted a limited edition SEA TURTLE bottle, from which all proceeds were donated to seaturtle.org.

DEL MAGUEY MEZCAL: Soon to be CERTIFIED organic mezcal and tequila! check out their innovativerecipe section.

VEEV: Made with the trendy super-fruit, the acai berry, VeeV is not certified organic itself, but since the fruit is essentially wild-crafted it is pretty darn organic. VEEV takes impressive strides to give back to the environment from whence it came, with $1 from the sale of each bottle going towards green initiatives. VEEV is a carbon-neutral company, thanks to their wind-generated power, hybrid cars, and recycled paper packaging printed with soy ink from everything to the company’s business cards to cocktail napkins. also, their bottle is partially recycled - no word on whether that is POST-CONSUMER recycled or POST-INDUSTRIAL recycled. this makes all the difference in the world, as almost all glass produced is in some way recycled (post-industrial only).

BENROMACH WHISKY: Certified organic Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky. uses American oak casks made of wood from environmentally managed forests.

PRIVATE PRESERVE:and last but not least, PRIVATE PRESERVE presents the most environmentally friendly and most effective way that i’ve found to preserve wine. it’s also great for any oxygen-sensitive liquid including scotch, paint and vinegar. the can is recyclable aluminum and emits no cfc’s when spraying.

CHARTREUSE: this herbal liqueur is made with wild crafted ingredients, which is an act of environmentalism in and of itself.

ST. GERMAIN: the elder flowers need to make this incredibly delicious liqueur are wildcrafted and carted away on bicycles. sounds pretty eco-minded to me, no?

HANGAR ONE VODKA: small-batch, pot-distilled vodka, the next best thing to organic.

MAKERS MARK BOURBON: handmade using slow-cooked grain and other “old school” methods. again, not organic… but the next best thing and worthy of mention.

FRAGOLI STRAWBERRY LIQUEUR
is made with WILD strawberries. wild generally means sans pesticide, so that is a good thing. however, the brand’s use of carcinogenicRED DYE #40 is not.

still thirsty for more eco-booze news? check out some posts here:
KAISER PENGUIN
EXPLORE THE POUR
MARTINI GROOVE
THE LIQUID MUSE

did i miss anyone?

BBLESSING in NYC, serves up beyond-uber trendy men’s fashion, and get this - free absinthe. every afternoon of the blessed week!
VIA NY TIMES

Photo credit LOUCHED LOUNGE

LEO is a lady of the sun. imagine her beautifully bronzed skin, drenched in golden jewels and dripping with sensuous sunshine… makes you want to lick her all over. as the feline l’amour that she is, she’d kindly return that succulent favor. as with all golden fruits, the kumquat is ruled by the sun. due to its constrictive size it possesses some virgoan traits as well. but this is a leoan baby - and that’s exactly what leo wants to be… babied and fondled, as you would your favorite kitty. show your willingness to satisfy the wild beast within, and this ferocious feline will invite you to kum hither to her loving lair. provided you bring with you, a sacrificial offering (i’m assuming you don’t want to be it). it is in your best interest to arm yourself with as many KUM HITHER KUMQUAT COCKTAILS as you can carry. that lion gets real thirsty.

KUM HITHER KUMQUAT (KUMQUAT KOOLER)

1.5 oz Pisco
1 simple syrup
1 oz kumquat puree*
1 oz fresh squeezed lemon juice
seltzer

add Pisco, simple syrup, lemon juice, kumquat puree to ice filled shaker. strain mixture through a fine sieve into an ice filled collins glass and top with a splash of seltzer. stir and garnish with a kumquat.

*KUMQUAT PUREE:
prepare kumquats by removing green tips. add 15 kumquats, 1/2 oz fresh lemon juice, 2 oz extra fine sugar (if you have) to food processor and puree until all pieces of kumquat rind are gone.

NOTE: miniscule bits of kumquat rind may float to the top of this refreshing cocktail. hey, you know it’s real that way! but if you’re serving an anal-retentive imbiber (virgo, i’m not mentioning any names here) you might want to think twice.

on the heels of my intellectual cocktail recipe ownership post, i bring you the latest retardation in intellectual property law… color ownership!

“Deutsche Telekom, mother company for T-Mobile in Holland, has registered magenta at the European Brand office to prevent any other company in Holland from using this colour for their communication devices, logos or stationary.”

ok, that’s it. blogs be warned: Intoxicated Zodiac is officially planning to register purple. so hands off peeps, or i’ll be seeing you in color court…

VIA TREND CENTRAL

happy birthday paris. i never thought i’d grow to like paris, but none the less, i unexplainably kind of do now, where i never did before. it all started with her seemingly sporadic fondness for elephants… it’s easy to make me your loyal fan - just align yourself with any animal welfare cause, and i’m yo’ bitch. it’s just as easy to make me your enemy, by doing the reverse.

like say, hillary clinton, who imbibed in some very profitable insider trading. she probably used half of what she made to shut the media up. but it happened… about ten years ago she turned $1,000 into $100,00 on some innocent factory farmed beef cows in less than a year. she should have been sharing a cell with poor martha. that why peeps, hillary is a lyer, and if you vote for her, you’ve been swindled. obama is the shit - vote for him. BTW, if you vote republican you deserve to piss warm beer for the rest of your life.

ok, back to paris… i believe paris hilton is the epitomy of aquarian energy. for starters, she’s a blond. and as i’ve said, if constellations had hair, aquarius would be a blonde. she’s completely misunderstood for an utter bimbo, which is of her own doing of course. however, the inability to coherently express oneself is an aquarian trait, and i believe paris wears this one well. this bubbly blonde may have gotten screwed out of her inheritance by gramps (i can’t blame him one bit), but she’s only got more gigs lined up. just one of them is her new champagne endorsement, where “paris is selling sex in a very tasteful way.” how interesting is it that this aquarius is selling champagne in a can? aquarius is the sign of strange and you can’t get stranger than that. why, she’s gonna have more money than her gramps at the rate she’s going! and if she continues along her new “do good for the world” path, then who are we to complain? alledgedly, a percentage of sales from the new RICH PROSECCO champagne, will be donated to charity. cut her some slack peeps, she’s not as awful as she seems! vote: people for paris : )

awsome… how many times have a i seen a sad old tv cabinet by the side of the road, waiting listlessly for the garbage man to put it out of it’s embarrassing misery? now you don’t have to bribe your friends to help you carry this behemoth out to the stoop…. just add a curtain and call it a bar. like i said, pure repurposing genious.

VIA EXPLORE THE POUR, VIA ALPINE BUTTERFLY