today i attended the now famous GARLIC FESTIVAL in new york’s hudson valley. what started out with a few farmers getting together after the harvest for a garlic pot luck dinner has turned into a major tourist attraction. the two day event draws 50,000 visitors who can watch cooking lessons, learn gardening tips, listen to live music, buy arts and crafts and of course, sample many types of GARLIC flavored food!

garlic is a scorpio. not because it’s odorous breath strikes you when you least expect it – the next day, through your pores… but because of it’s spicy personality, it is ruled by the feisty planet of mars. not only that, but due to garlic’s regenerative powers, it is also ruled by pluto. to grow garlic, you simply bury it in the garden – the bulb will regenerate itself into a plant over the winter! the outermost planet is one of life and death, whose nature is exhibited in the rising of the phoenix, or the growing cycle of a garlic plant, or if you will, the undead vampire. scorpio will not be extinguished easily, and this little clove is soooo scorpion in nature!

and who can forget it’s vampire-fighting capabilities? just in time for halloween cocktails!

BITE ME NOT
3 oz freshly extracted apple juice (substitute unpasteurized cider if you don’t have)
2 oz garlic-infused gin*
1 1/2 raw simple syrup*
1/2 fresh squeezed lemon juice

GARLIC-INFUSED GIN
chop up 3 cloves garlic and put in 750 ml bottle of gin. allow to sit in dark place for 3 days to 3 weeks. agitate to expedite infusion time. strain and store.

RAW SIMPLE SYRUP
shake in container a mixture of half water and half raw organic sugar until dissolved. store in fridge.

(created by gwen sutherland kaiser)

FUNNEL CAKES WITH CARAMELIZED GARLIC

GARLIC ICE CREAM

GARLIC COOKIES

GARLIC INCENSE

thanks to KUCHENLATEIN for hosting WEEKEND HERB BLOGGING #102.

next time you’re at an art exhibit and you see a dateable hottie, don’t ask what their sign is. msn just ripped on that pick up line as the cheesiest of all time. instead, buy them a drink, or at least talk about the one on the wall. today whilst out shopping, i came upon a bevvy of cocktail art for sale in ARTSEE, an eyeglass shop of all places. it was in NYC’s meat packing district, so anything goes. after all, they were literally wheeling whole carcases of pigs across the street. oh you thought the meat packing district was just an old phrase leftover from days gone by? no. buried in amongst the art gallery eyeglass shop, alexander mcqueen, stella mccartney, la perla, diane von fostenberg and a bunch of other top design houses, lie several very operational meat packing facilities. just in case you wanna grab a fresh side of cow on the way home from picking up this season’s balenciaga bag from jeffreys. thankfully though, after stumbling on this wonderful collection of one-of-a-kind upcycled collages, i soon forgot about the unlucky pigs across the street. each framed piece is made with vintage wallpaper from the 40′s, 50′s and 60′s. except for the plaid, which is last season’s ralph lauren. but hurry, the next art exhibit moves in this monday, making this sunday (oct. 30th) is your last day to snap one of these adorable masterpieces up.

prices start at $400. to purchase, contact the artist, TIM GROEN.

you know when you jump in the pool and forget to hold your nose? rather ecxruciating, no? well talk about self inflicted torture – and here i thought i was a masochist. those progressive europeans have beat us yanks again. vodka snorting. you read right. as in, inhaling alcohol through one’s nose, of which the third in line to the british throne is a fan. next thing you know they’ll be sticking it up their arse, or mainlining it with a sharp ended straw. supposedly the drunken stupor feeling hits one sooner and harder than regular sipping. i concur with TOP SOCIALITE that this is indeed one of the stupidest things i’ve heard in a long time. and i also doubt this trend will hop the pond, as “[the US] is a nation that prefers to avoid physical suffering when it comes to intoxication. I think it’s fair to say that anyone who would put themselves through this kind of torture should be seeking alcohol treatment.
(photo credit)
see prince harry’s astrological chart
watch the pain

i was getting set to write my birthday ode to libra, when it struck me that i had completely forgotten to congratulate virgo for another fine year. so without furthur ado… two of my favorite virgos are boy hottie tom ford, and girl hottie cameron diaz. each display obvious virgoan traits. take cameron for one. she has become an earth angel, pure of heart, giving all her energy to educate the people of this planet on the atrocities of our home. this blonde goddess of perfection is pure goodness – solid white light. just hearing her famous laugh you feel her innocence and warmth. that is one kind of virgo. then we have another: tom ford. he is a perfectionist to the ultimate extreme of the word, as is his unfettered vision of fashion. as he famously declared, he is his own muse, and that is a fine line to walk. there is no gray area of mediocracy- only beauty and hideousness. all tom touches turns to gold, he is the untouchable golden boy that oozes sex. we are lucky to have both of them in our lives. happy belated birthday virgo!

amazing what you can do with a jello shot. america’s students have been hard at work turning the humble jello shot into a class project.

here’s a sampling of recipes created by the above said mad scientists:

• Mojito Jell-O Shot
• Peanut Butter and Jell-O shot
• Buttery Nipple Pudding Shot
• Pina Colada Jell-O Shot
• JagerBomb Jell-O Shot

but by far, the best invention was the Cruelty Free Jell-O Shots as per below:

“We didn’t want to leave our vegan and vegetarian friends out of the party, but our attempt at vegetarian Jell-O shots yielded mixed results. Regular gelatin is made from boiled down cow and pig bones and connective tissue, making it unsuitable for folks who don’t eat animals. There are some alternatives, such as agar agar or vegetarian gelatin made from vegetable gums. We used some vegetarian gelatin powder from a vegan natural foods store; it was in bulk, so we don’t know the exact ingredients, but it’s a safe bet there were no cow tendons involved.”

“We used a rounded tablespoon of powder per cup of liquid, which produced a solid, somewhat rubbery shot. The gelatin was dissolved in heated fruit juice, and then the liquor and other ingredients were mixed in. We attempted four different recipes: Fuzzy Navel (orange juice and peach schnapps), Margarita (limeade, tequila and margarita mix), Cosmopolitan (cranberry juice, vodka, and Grand Marnier), and Pina Colada (pineapple juice, Malibu, and coconut cream). While our vegan friends were grateful for the inclusive gesture, the shots themselves left something to be desired. They tasted OK, but most were bland and not sweet enough. The Fuzzy Navel and Margarita were the most successful, probably because of the syrupy schnapps and margarita mix. The brown rice syrup we added to the Cosmopolitan didn’t quite cut it. Regular granulated sugar is processed using charred cow bones and many vegans avoid it for that reason, but corn syrup or organic sugar syrup could be used as a sweeter alternative.”

Vegan Fuzzy Navel Gelatin Shot
2 Tbsp. vegetarian gelatin or agar agar
1 cup boiling orange juice
4 oz. vodka
4 oz. peach schnapps

Vegan Margarita Gelatin Shot
2 Tbsp. vegetarian gelatin or agar agar
1 cup boiling limeade
4 oz. tequila
4 oz. margarita or sweet and sour mix

VIA MY SCIENCE PROJECT

this stunning bloom is ruled by none other than the goddess of beauty, venus. the tea that is derived from this wondrous flower is equally as beautiful in taste. so while the main ingredient in this cocktail happens to be a taurus, we can all benefit drinking from in her lovely and intoxicating liquid, no matter what our sign. who in their right mind would say no to a deliciously wet kiss from such a divine and expert lover? so drink up!

LOVE JUICE (hibiscus margarita)

1 1/2 silver tequila
1 oz simple syrup
1/2 oz Fresh Lime Juice
1/2 oz triple sec, cointreau or patron citron
1/2 oz hibiscis water*
chile-piquin salt*

1. Prepare the Simple Syrup (Recipe Follows)
2. Prepare the hibiscus water ( Recipe Follows)
3. Mix equal parts kosher salt and chile piquin and place on a small round plate about 5.5 inches in diameter
4. Cut one Lime in half and Squeeze out the juice.
5. Cut another lime into 5 slices.
6. Using one piece of the cut lime rub the citrus around the rim of the glass and then gently rim the glass with the prepared chile-salt.
7. Add all ingredients except the lime juice to a shaker filled with ice. Shake well until frothy and ice cold. Strain into chile-piquín rimmed glass. Serve straight up or on the rocks.

HIBISCUS WATER:

2 quart non-reactive pot, such as enamel or stainless stell
1/2 cup dried hibiscus flowers (health food store)
2 quarts water

boil the flowers in the water for ten minutes, until they loose some of their color and they become plump and reconstituted. strain the flowers out of th edeep red liquid and sweeten to taste. allow to cool before using. to expediate the process, plunge the pot of water into an ice bath.

CHILE-PIQUIN SALT
*chile piquin is available at mexican markets and specialty stores. it is very spicy so put only enough in to lightly color the salt.

recipe is adapted from LA PALAPA’S hibiscus marg.

this past week i ventured out of the empire state and into the wild wild west. didn’t find any gold… but i did find a whole bunch of interesting liquor! i’m feeling pretty deprived here in new york… when i go to the liquor store, i rarely find the particular bottle i seek, and have to special order it, if i’m lucky. in colorado liquor stores are conveniently located… like at the gas station! pretty cool, though not so much for the drinking and driving set. those cowboys know how to drink too… my friend was perpetually sipping a white russian. he was rarely seen without a water bottle in his hand, filled with a milky white liquid. kind of like chain smoking, but with alcohol. so i thought i’d share with you some spirits that i found, in between the white water rafting and rock climbing (ha, j/k). the aspens are just starting to turn, and the town that takes it’s name from that curious tree sits in the most beautiful valley. a feast for the eyes, along with colorado’s other amazing mountainous views.

the patron orange liqueur is really good. i plan to substitute it for cointreau. did’t taste the wild turkey, but hear it’s as sweet as honey.

i’ve got a goat fetish, so i had to buy this for my collection. it was good… smooth. as for the vampyre vodka, i didn’t taste this either. anything to do with vampires scares the crap outta me.

the highly recommended almond infused tequila was a score. delicious – who woulda thought? the margarita liquer, was good, but nothing to write home about. it’s essentially a mixer, good to serve on rocks.

finally, i found the cherry infused vodka that can’t be found anywhere in NY. very good, but on the sweet side. i can see it in a gussied up manhattan. didn’t taste the whiskey in the crock, but how cool is that packaging? they also had an alligator beer in a crock that i didn’t get a photo of.

fat tire beer turned about to be a real find. not a big beer fan, but wow, really good. not sweet, not bitter, just right. the company is wind powered and employee owned which makes it even better. as for the peach beer, yum, but only if you have a sweet tooth. i’ve had the raspberry before and it’s not quite as good. big fan of all the lambic fruit beers though.

biodegradeable water bottle, awesome! too bad in general colorado’s recycling standards are seriously lax. as for the mason jar whiskey, it’s aged less than 30 days… how insane is that? and no, i wasn’t insane enough to try it.

love this wooden cooler…

NOW FOR THE GEEKY TOURIST SECTION:
this crazy guy built, and continues to build, this fantasty castle by himself. BISHOP’S CASTLE is incredible. and his signage is even more incredible!

SOME OTHER INTERESTING COLORADO SIGHTINGS:

i approached the girl who owned this bike to ask why she had an engorged dick strapped to it, but she got caught up in a bar brawl with another biker chic, so i high tailed it outta there. i think they were fighting over the penis.

the aspen’s roots are all connected to other aspen trees. they are not separate root systems, unlike other plants. also, their leaves flap in the wind making a very distinct sound. they turn gold in the fall.

rock structures in GARDEN OF THE GODS and the CAVE DWELLINGS.

i’ve heard of natural spring water, but natural soda water? no! yes… it’s true, this fountain in COLORADO SPRINGS contains carbonated water. and it is really tasty. wish i had a spring like that outside my apartment, never have to buy seltzer for my mojito again!

if you’ve used up all your SEX ON THE BEACH eau de toilette and APPLE MARTINI body lotion, i think it might a good idea for you to dry out a bit. stay off the sauce and go with the astrology themed scents this time around…

• inspirational roll on perfumes in each sign of the zodiac are available from CONSCIOUS PERFUMES.

• on ETSY, find astrological essential oils by
MAGICKAL REALISM & SERENE DREAMS. the former prepares their fragrance with organic materials; the latter has cute packaging.

• SOULAR THERAPY offers celestial body wash, eau de toilette and soy candles with super cute graphically designed labels.

more herbal in nature, than astrological, CULPEPER makes bath & body and other well-being products in the name of the late ASTRO-PHYSICIAN, nicholas culpeper.

even though it’s libra that always smells nice and looks pretty, the actual olefactory is ruled by scorpio.

(photo credit: mary claire miraldi)

snakes are big right now. absolut pears just released their new campaign featuring snakes. all though, they should really try reading the good book again, because i’m pretty sure it spoke of a snake with an apple, not a pear. fashion designer robert cavalli designed his kick ass snake vodka bottle and snake spout. and the weekend before last, your truly was conducting a snake martini photo shoot. all highly ironic of course, because snakes loathe alcohol, so much that if they ever have you in their deadly grip, pour a bottle of bacardi on their face and they will release you. oh, did i mention that my 5 year old nephew is currently obsessed with the sexy reptiles? lastly, snake skin is important this season. but FYI, buy the fake stuff. the real suffers a horrible death, nailed against a tree and skinned alive. no being deserves that, no matter how venomous. but onward and upward to astrology and cocktails, and what in the hell have snakes got to do with them? well, the apple is ruled by Venus, planet of love. you are the apple of my eye was surely spoken of a libra. eve fell for the knowing snake’s lure, the gift and curse of knowledge. while snakes don’t really have an astrological designation, they do represent transformation, and would therefore be assimulated with scorpio more than any other sign. so here’s some helpful knowledge libra: when life gives you apples, make applesauce!

SSSSSAUCY

2 oz vodka (robert cavalli snake vodka is perfect)
1/4 cup applesauce (homemade preferred)
tonic water

add ingredients to ice filled collins glass. top a good portion of the glass with tonic water and stir well.

APPLESAUCE

skin, core and chop 5 apples. place in saucepan with one cup raw organic sugar and 1 vanilla pod. (cut vanilla pod in half to expose black seeds in center of pod). if you do not have a vanilla pod, then use 5 drops vanilla organic extract. scrape out the black seeds. simmer until apples are soft. place in blender or food processor and puree until extremely smooth.

NOTE: you can just make plain applesauce, or any flavor you desire!

(recipe created by gwen sutherland kaiser)

want a sleek snake spout? there’s a gift with purchase promo going on right now… so get em while you can girlsssss!

thanks to ONCE UPON A TART for hosting WEEKEND HERB BLOGGING #100.

SUICIDE GIRLS: rattlesnake bites face off moron.

nothing to do with cocktails here, and that’s the problem… LOCHER’S offers naughty nighties for the girl with a sense of sexual humour. love the adorable negligie with the words WILL FUCK FOR SHOES embroidered on it ever so delicately. so i wanna know, when are they going to add WILL BOINK FOR COCKTAILS to the line? they also sell a sexy little tank with the words SORRY DARLING BUT GOOD GIRLS DON’T SWALLOW. unless you happen to be a tall dark handsome glass of liquor, that is. and the tee that reads I REALLY NEED A FUCKING COFFEE, really needs to say, I REALLY NEED A FUCKING COCKTAIL. i guess LOCHER’S doesn’t quite understand just how many girls need a fucking drink, and a cool nightie. so, next season LOCHER’S… don’t forget the dirty drink nighties!