Those puke green pubicle walls got ya down? If your boss says “attack this project” or “speak to this” or “I challenge you” one more time, will your gouge your own eyes out? Can you not watch THE OFFICE TV SHOW because it just hits too close to home to even find funny? Has the office slut gotten promoted when your work is clearly superior? Sounds like you could use a new job-or learn to give better head. But in lieu of that, try the Secret Stapler Stash. And here I thought the shoe flask was inventive.

Watch the “VODKA IN A STAPLER” YouTube Movie.

while evergreen trees in general are ruled by the hardy and enduring planet of Saturn (which rules with iron fist over Capricorn and co-rules just as tightly over Aquarius), the larger firs are jupiterian, given their huge size. as douglas firs are ridiculously large, this particular variety of evergreen belongs to pisces (jupiter is the ancient ruler of pisces, now considered co-ruled by neptune). mother nature sends many invitations out each spring, some are more worthy than others of an rsvp. the douglas fir is one party you don’t want to miss!

i’m a vegan, but i once enjoyed eating fish. i wonder if it was a human at all who first discovered that the flesh hidden behind those slimy looking scales was some of the softest and tastiest on earth? my world-class fisherman grandfather, Hunter Sutherland, used to walk to a nearby scottish loch and bring back fresh trout for breakfast. my taste buds have never forgotten the succulent delicacy that made my mouth water every time Hunter picked up that fishing rod.

i hope this spring, you accepted mother nature’s to enjoy her offbeat bounty.

similarly, one would never guess there’s a tantalizing flavour hidden beneath the Douglas Fir’s rigid exterior. But for a few weeks in spring, when the tree breaks dormancy and breathes new life into it’s tired limbs, these surprisingly soft bristles of new growth taste and smell delicious. Laden with vitamin C, they are healthy as well… remember that next time you’re stranded in the woods in early springtime! I can’t tell you for certain which evergreen trees are edible and which are poisonous. I ASSUME that the new growth of all evergreen tree tips are edible, but have only tried the tips of the Douglas Fir Variety. So be warned and sample at your own peril! I do caution however, staying away from the evergreen variety known as Hemlock (alleged doer-in of Socrates). As this is a feathery and graceful looking branch it should not be easily confused with the very erect branches of the former mentioned. There are two companies using fir tips as a flavouring: DOUGLAS FIR SPRING TIP TEA and UN SAPIN (PINE LIQUOR.)

HUNTING & GATHERING:
Collect the new growth by only taking half of the “baby” branch so as to not stunt the growth of the tree.

FIR TIPTINI:
1/4 c fir tips
3 tbs raw, organic sugar
2 oz vodka
3/4 oz fresh lemon juice

Muddle fir tips with sugar, lemon, until macerated. Add vodka and shake in ice filled shaker. Strain into chilled glass. Garnish with a fir tip. Or serve on rocks topped with seltzer. (Muddled mixture shown below)

ALSO QUITE TASTY IS THE FIR TIP SYRUP:
1 1/2 c fir tips
1 1/2 raw, organic sugar

Puree in food processor on high until tips are broken down. Add to sauce pot with 3/4 c water and bring to boil. Allow to simmer for twenty minutes. Add 1 oz vodka as preservative and strain into final storage container. (Recipe created by Gwen Sutherland Kaiser).

A Douglas Fir Tip-infused gin comes out delic… What a unique holiday gift that would be for a lucky someone! Thanks to Karen for the generous use of her handsome trees!

Just got my brand spankin’ new calling cards back from the printer and was so happy with the results I thought I’d share them!

I went green this time around and many people who’ve seen the cards have asked me where they can get their own cards done in the same environmentally friendly manner. Of course paper biodegrades, which is awesome. But why cut down forest upon forest when we don’t really have to?! Unless they are well-managed, sustainable forests, which are difficult to find, this is unacceptable.

Shawn Dell Joyce, author of SUSTAINABLE LIVING, reports that using virgin wood pulp creates a global warming feeback loop. Trees, our primary defense against atmospheric carbon, are cut down and processed, producing tons of carbon emissions, to make paper.

STOP THE MADNESS!!! Use recycled paper & be sure to recycle your paper when you’re finshed using it!!! I bring all of my old newspapers to the local animal shelter, which uses them for kitty litter. I use xerox paper on both sides in my desktop printer. I reuse envelopes, and recycle the rest with the town.

There are several places to print from in North America:
HIGH MOUNTAIN GRAPHICS
This uber-eco New Jersey based company offers first rate service, from the smallest job to the largest. Ask for Rick.

PRINTING FOR LESS
This Montana-based company uses recycled paper in all of it’s standard stock. Note, it is not POST CONSUMER recycled, but their own recycled waste mixed with some virgin pulp. They print with soy-based inks and they have an aqueous coating that is water-based. Typically, coatings are highly toxic and made with UV or urethane.

ECO PRINT
This Maryland based company is proudly carbon-neutral, offers 100% chorine-free post consumer recycled stock and offers two different types of veggie-based ink. (Veggie ink is even more environmentally friendly than soy ink.)

EN MASSE MEDIA
This Vancouver based company touts a wide assortment of chlorine-free 100% post consumer recycled stock options and uses a veggie-based ink.

GREENER PRINTER
This California based company uses a chlorine-free blend of post consumer & mill leftover recycled paper and and soy-based inks. I had my cards made here and I love ‘em.

GREEN PRINTER based in canada – a tip from my knowledgeable reader alen.

GREG BARBER COMPANY based in new jersey. they make recycled drink coasters!!

PLAN IT GREEN PRINTING based in California as well. (they specialize in eco-stickers)

AMERICAN COASTER makes recycled coasters with 30% post consumer waste and 70% virgin pulp from MANAGED forests.

cheap, cheap, cheap 100% post consumer recycled business cards at 123 PRINT.

recycled postcards are available at WGI PRINT.

JAKPRINTS offers a “light green” printing operation wtih soy ink & 30% post consumer recycled stock options

get recycled paper wedding invitations HERE

1800POSTCARDS now makes all postcards from FOREST STEWARDSHIP COUNCIL CERTIFIED paper. yah!!!!

4OVER4.COM will plant trees with 15% of the proceeds from your order. they also are very environmentally friendly with the choice of their inks and paper sources. they list a wonderful Q & A on this topic which is really a pleasure to read and simple to understand. if you’re new to eco papers, it’s a must read.

OF THE EARTH offers specialty eco printing and papers.

THE PRINTING PLANET based in hollywood, florida, uses all FSC certified paper.

PREMIUM CARDS.NET offers 30% post consumer recycled paper content plus soy ink. the best though, is their “cocktail” and “cosmo” business cards!

Everything is ruled by an astrological sign, and that goes for alcohol too! To get to the bottom of this glass of mystery, I turned to Dylan Warren–Davis, a leading expert in the field of herbal astrology and a published author of two books. “Astrology & Health,” is absolutely fascinating and if you’re really into this stuff it’s a must read. Especially chapter 8, “Medical Astrology in Action,” which stunningly illustrates the decumbiture chart of a bee sting. Davis has studied the work of Nicholas Culpeper intensively and understands completely his process of delineating signs to plants. In his medieval-time books, Culpeper identified the signs of the ingredients in alcohol, such as wheat and rice, which belong to the Sun (Leo) and the Moon (Cancer) respectively. But alas, martinis don’t grow on trees and he didn’t feel it necessary to analyze vodka’s astrological sign. You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone on earth who gets Culpeper more than Dylan Warren–Davis. Not only was he born twenty miles from Culpeper’s birthplace in Britain, but he shares his rising and sun signs in reverse order. Culpeper was a Scorpio sun with Capricorn rising, and Davies is a Cappie sun with Scorp rising (as am I.) But I’m veering way off course here, so lemme get back on track… Deborah Houlding’s Skyscript is a terrific website filled to the brim with lots of super interesting and hard to find zodiacal tidbits. On it, you can find a series by Davis that discusses Culpeper’s herbs and their planetary rulers. Davis explains in an easy-to-understand way, why certain plants belongs to certain signs. When I asked him to which sign does hard liquor belong, he responded with the following:

Though alcohol is ruled by Mercury/Ether hence ethyl alcohol from the alchemical roots of the name, it does indeed have a Martian hot and drying action, so spirits do all have this property. Distillation is a process that is linked with the sign of Scorpio, the old fashioned retorts are in the shape of the male sexual organ, with the fire of Mars underneath, boiling the liquid which then condenses the vapour into the female receptical of the flask which is often cooled by water Venus. So that is why the spirits are more Martian in nature. But it is still ruled by Mercury, hence the strong correlation between the alcohol and the Central Nervous System.

ILLUSTRATION DEPICTS MEDIEVAL DISTILLATION. NOTE THE FIRE OF MARS (ARIES, SCORPIO) ON THE LEFT AND THE SEXUALITY OF PLUTO (SCORPIO) ON THE RIGHT. (thanks to the informational & congenial cocktail site, Miss. Charming, for the image.)

So the answer is… ALCOHOL is ruled by MERCURY, which makes it both a GEMINI and a VIRGO.

Better late than never, right? Thank goodness for Colleen Graham, author of “About: Cocktails.” Were it not for her timely cocktail alert, I would have been blissfully unaware that we bar chefs now have our VERY OWN DAY! Yes, that’s right, bartenders and their libational wonders now have an official holiday–WORLD COCKTAIL DAY. The genius behind this idea is no other than the forward-thinking Museum of the American Cocktail. (You’d think I might have been privy to this info as I am an extremely exclusive, standard level member, after all : ) But, fret not, there’s still time to celebrate–see their website for a list of commemorative events taking place around the world. But before you forget, pencil it in on next year’s calendar. Hallmark, better get working on those COCKTAIL DAY greeting cards ASAP. Schools will be off and banks will be closed May 13th! (Which would make it a TAURUS – a stable and luxury loving sign, BTW, so this will be a dependably tasteful day to look forward to each year ; )

Hardly the shrinking violet type, flirtatious Libra’s cocktail is made with the sweet little Violet, flower child of Venus. Libra and Taurus are both ruled by Venus, as are all things beautiful, sensual, fragrant and sweet. If you’ve ever tasted a violet candy–or a candied violet–you’ll know how delectable this petit fleur can be. My mother’s childhood memories include digging for the violet creme in the box of chocolates her aunt would send every Christmas. That was in Britain where it’s not so hard to secure violet flavoured products; unlike the US, where it’s quite the challenge. You can find Chowards Violet gum & mints at select grocers, but for pretty much anything else Violet we must turn to our faithful World Wide Web companion. Violet syrup, violet liquor, violet candies and crystallized violets can all be found with the click of a mouse. In fact, France even celebrates a Violet Festival (La Fete des Violettes) where the town of Tourrettes sur Loup celebrates the harvesting of these precious blossoms which are it’s livelihood. (Thanks to Little Fancies for this interesting tidbit.) In contrast to it’s subtle flavour, the violet’s color is an intense purple, as you can see from the photo below. I just read in the NYT that artist Sigmar Polke used violet as a pigment in his paintings for a purple hue with an unatainable gold shimmer unable to be aquired with the use of our modern, conventional paints.

SHRINKING VIOLET (VIOLET CAIPIRINHA)

2 oz cachaca
2 tbsp violet sugar*
1/2 lemon
garnish: violet petals

Cut lemon into small pieces and place in wide-bottomed glass. Add 2 tbsp of Violet sugar, and macerate for several minutes until the mixture is of a paste-like consistency. You can muddle (or mush) the lemon and sugar with any of the following:
*muddler (EXPLORE THE POUR found a real good one)
* end of a thin rolling pin
* end of a wooden spoon
* spurtle
Fill glass with crushed ice and pour cachaca into glass, stirring before serving. Float violet petals for garnish (lemon wedge will do if you don’t have any.)

***VIOLET SUGAR
Pull the petals off as many violets as you can find. Here in New York, they usually bloom early May. Add 1/2 cup of violet petals to food processor with 1/2 cup sugar. Pulse five times briefly, and add another 1/2 cup sugar. Puree for 1 minute until flowers are disintegrated and sugar takes on a purple hue. (Recipe created by Gwen Sutherland Kaiser).

SEE ALSO: VIOLET FLEURTINI, AMIE DE LA VIOLETTE (1 part gin, 1 part violet liquor, 1 part fresh squeezed grapefruit juice, thanks again Little Fancies) , VIOLET CHOCOLATE CREAM COCKTAIL

Nicholas Culpeper found the violet to be ruled by Venus and belong to TAURUS. It actually belongs to LIBRA as well, as Venus is also the ruler of that sign.

VIOLET FLEURTINI:

2 oz vodka
1 1/2 oz Godiva white chocolate liquor
1 oz violet syrup
garnish: violet sugar

Prepare cocktail glass by rimming in violet sugar (see below). To rim a glass, wipe lemon wedge around top and roll in plate of violet sugar. Place in fridge and allow rim to harden.

Add vodka, Godiva and violet syrup to ice filled shaker and shake for ten seconds. Pour into prepared glass and enjoy.

***VIOLET SUGAR
Pull the petals off as many violets as you can find. Here in New York, they usually bloom early May. Add 1/2 cup of violet petals to food processor with 1/2 cup sugar. Pulse five times briefly, and add another 1/2 cup sugar. Puree for 1 minute until flowers are disintegrated and sugar takes on a purple hue.

***VIOLET SYRUP
First, make violet sugar*. Then, add 1 cup violet sugar to saucepot (not teflon) with 2 cups water. Bring to boil and simmer for 15 minutes. Add 1 oz vodka and allow to cool.

Recipe created by Gwen Sutherland Kaiser

SEE ALSO: SHRINKING VIOLET and VIOLET BLACKBERRY TIRAMISU.

For those who insist that global warming is the result of natural circumstance and has nothing to do with human beings and their dirty little addiction called oil, I present you with yet another reason to think about curbing your C02: TICKS! Because here in New York our winter was so mild that not only did the crocuses bloom in December, but the dog ticks weren’t killed off like they normally are, either. So now, as the owner of three canines, five cats and a member of a family who spends a lot of time outdoors, I feel like I’m living in a horror movie… REVENGE OF THE DOG TICK. Playing now, on me. I find AT LEAST one a day crawling around the house on a lucky someone or something. I hate to think about the one I might miss feasting on me in my sleep. I’m scared to shut my eyes. Does anyone know if FRONTLINE is safe for humans? As much as I enjoyed wearing a tee shirt this January to run my errands, I want our frigid New York winters back, if only to kill the ticks! Apparently, Rose Geranium Essential Oil is good for warding off the bloodsuckers. I’m going to buy some this weekend—wish me luck. Like I said, as if we actually wanted one more reason to hate global warming—we got it! So peeps, support environmentally friendly products whenever possible and help mother nature get back on track. Environmentally friendly products like say, 360 VODKA.
Yes, another green spirit has entered the arena of eco-alcohol. In a new “twist” however, it’s the packaging and methodology rather than the actual contents, that are environmentally friendly. No word on wether the company is working towards greening the inside of the bottle in the future. However, their website states that over the past five years the distillery has significantly reduced their eco footprint, which leads me to believe that they will continue greening themselves by eventually (and hopefully) by making certified organic vodka. But only time can tell if this will be the case or not. Here’s the run-down:
***Innovative “CLOSE THE LOOP” program. For every bottle top you send back, $1.00 is donated to an environmental conservation group. The problem with this, is that the cap and bottle together make the perfect container to hold my homemade syrups. so, i think i’ll be keeping my caps! hey, IKEA charges $1.99 for the exact same bottle! Except IKEA’s is not recycled glass : (
***Glass bottle is an impressive 85% recycled!
***Packaging and marketing materials are all 100% post consumer recycled paper. I would assume they are using soy ink, but don’t know for sure.
***Production method of distillation is environmentally super-efficient.
***The 360 VODKA website is extremely informative in and of itself as an eco-action vehicle.
For all the buzz it’s generating, you’d think we’d be able to find the stuff somewhere. But no, no word as to price or availability yet.

In honour of the great Kentucky Derby, I was asked to review Phillips Union whiskey in the derby-famous Mint Julep. I admit it… can’t drink whiskey by itself. But combined with another ingredient—delic! One of my favorite drinks is the Whiskey Sour, and I once had a whiskey icecream that was unforgettable. So let’s talk Mint Julep. Not the biggest fan—but with Phillips Union Vanilla Infused Whiskey… now we’re talkin! Infused with the coveted Madagascar Vanilla Orchids (world’s only edible orchid), the flavour is sweet in an unoffensive way. I could actually drink it on the rocks—it’s that good. At this year’s Kentucky Derby, over 120,000 of them were reportedly served. And this past Saturday, a horse named Street Sense was the toast of the track. At the tender age of three, he took home the Derby Purse for a cool 2 mil. For the annual charity event, $1000 Mint Juleps were served in specially cast silver and gold cups with proceeds going to help retired racehorses. (Luxist has quite the hot-headed comment forum on the fundraiser.) I myself love horses, enjoy riding them, think they deserve more than what they usually end up getting. If you were among the thousands who watched this year’s race whilst enjoying a frosty Mint Julep, you were in good company. Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip and were among the onlookers. Hear, hear to giving classic cocktails and retired racehorses the respect they both deserve. Now I KNOW you’re thinking, “but what sign is this delicious drink? And the answer is…. LIBRA! The aromatic and pleasing flavours of mint and vanilla fall under the rule of the planet VENUS, making the Vanilla Mint Julep a cocktail of LIBRA.

VANILLA MINT JULEP:
2 ½ parts Phillips Union Vanilla Whiskey OR infuse your own*
4 fresh mint sprigs
1 tsp. powdered sugar
2 tsp. water

Muddle mint leaves, powdered sugar, and water in a Collins glass. Fill the glass with shaved or crushed ice and add Vanilla. Top with more ice and garnish with a mint sprig.

* Vanilla-infused whiskey:
Slit whole vanilla bean in half and drop both haves into a 750 ml bottle of whiskey. Allow to sit in dark location for three weeks before using.

Shoes are near and dear to my heart. Like, I LOVE THEM. In a big, kinda KELLY way. Sometimes, when a sleek ankle boot, or painful stilleto is so hot, and I slowly turn it over it my hands, I wanna lick it. My love is THAT intense. If only Giuseppe Zanotti would take a cue from Stella and stop using that pesky leather. Oh yeah, and it would be nice if I could fit more than my pinky toe into one of those bad boys. Oh well, there’s always next life. Are you listening God? But here I am on a mad tangent, when I should be introducing the DRAM. Intoxicated Zodiac officially awards it Best In Shoe! ha. ha. if you haven’t all ready heard about the DRAM, get ready to have your libational lifestyle turned on it’s side. This ingenious flip flop contains a secret, built-in flask! Bringing a whole nother meaning to BYOB (which is the name of REEF’S bottle opener flip flop, btw). Can anything be cooler?