This month will come at you hard and fast—just the way you like dear aries. Grrr… however, you’ll need to watch what you say, write, think and do to avoid any miscommunications coming back to haunt you next month. Take advantage of this serious celestial alignment to lay the plans for your future, which just might hatch into little golden chicks down the road. Ok, Calm down, it’s not all about reeling in your spontaneity and guarding your loose tongue… come the end of the month you might have a chance to ram that same tongue down someone’s lucky throat. Romance is in the cards so stock up on champagne and ice.
Happy birthday Taurus… treat yourself to a five star, five course dinner with five rounds of extra stiff specialty cocktails. you’ve been working harder than most signs for some time now, and you deserve it you incurable hedonist you! I’d wish you five lovers to go with those five courses, but Taurus is a one-at-a-time sign. So let that special someone hit all your g-spots this month and relax… don’t do it. if there was ever a time to stop and smell the rose water gimlets, it is now!
This is not a time to be throwing caution to the wind dear Gemini, (one of your favorite activities). In fact, doing just the opposite would be advisable. Take caution, oh fleet-footed flighty one, and keep both feet firmly planted on the oh-so-boring ground. Happy hour this month is done best on your terms, at your watering hole, with your cohorts. Get the picture? Skip the two for one experimental cocktail shots and stick with your tried and true poison of choice. A classic cosmo should fit the bill nicely.
Aahhh… take a deep spring breath and enjoy beautiful may for what it is, a prelude to summer’s intense heat. In other words, Refrain from digging too deep or stirring up any giant dust balls. Glide on the surface of this month’s celestial rays and you won’t be disappointed. Mimosas for breakfast sound good to me– after all, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Just don’t go downing any handles of vodka-–for those hypersensitive crabby feelings that might get dredged up won’t be much fun. This is a good time to go shallow hal.
The world is your oyster and I want you to take it, take it, take it–along with all the gourmet libations you can get your sticky little leo paws on too! It’s like uber-leo Madonna croons on her new album, “What are you waiting for? Nobody’s gonna show you how. Why work for someone else to do what you can do right now? Give it 2 me, Yeah!” This is your month leo… make the material girl proud and make the rest of us schmos give it up for you.
Some relaxation is finally in store, and what better way to achieve this than through a mojito? Mint is ready in the garden–believe it or not (it’s the last herb to die at the end of the summer, and the first to grow in the spring). keep a steady stream of these Cuban lovelies comin’ this month. You’ll need the alcohol to plunge you into the depths of life’s mysteries–specifically yours. Analyzation is virgo does best, and now’s the time to go Sigmund freud on yourself. you’ll finally get what those crazy dreams you’ve been having lately are all about. I think you’ll find… it’s ALL good!
Oh yeeaah…..Libran lovers of luxury, lust, and lovely stuff will rejoice this month when last month’s hard aspects thankfully ease up. If there’s anything the scales hates, it’s pressure. And this month there will be a distinct lack of that. Do what you do best libra, and love… yourself, others, life. but remember, moderation is key, so stick to the mid-shelf liquor and don’t shoot the whole wad in one night. Just because this is an extra sunny month, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t save up for that rainy day.
Thanksgiving’s cornucopia is here a tad early this year. Life’s most delectable fruits and succulent fresh fruit cocktails are yours to savor. Continue to work hard, but know that the better times for which you aim are within reach. They’re so close you can feel their presence, and taste their deliciousness So, celebrate a tad early and hold a may day cocktail party. With so many good celestial vibrations this month, it’s guaranteed to be a hit. Knock em dead and drag em into bed.
Ring in may day with a dance around the maypole and a palmful full of pansies… pansy syrup cocktails that is. Be sure to drink a lot of them this month… pansies are in full bloom this time of year so get pickin’, and get mixin’. As unbelievable as this sounds, this month’s destiny holds for you nothing but carefree relaxation, along with a comfortably manageable work load (c’mon, this is real life after all). so don’t go grinding any midnight oil… but a handsome stranger would be fine.
Open up those windows… the weather is finally warming up, and so too could be your love life. At long last, you might be spending the evening with someone other than your accounting software. May brings a welcome relief to your monstrous work load, so be sure to suck every ounce you can from this romantic cosmic energy . just like I’m sure you’ll be sucking every drop of alcohol from those vodka sours. The art of seduction is so much easier when liquor is involved.
Enjoy what you have, which hopefully includes a well stocked home bar. Throw a party or attend some yourself. This month dictates that you have fun and avoid worry. Apparently, the plans you’ve been building need some time to rest. Just because you aren’t thinking about them 24/7 doesn’t mean the universe is not diligently working to unfurl them behind the scenes. Trust that it is and celebrate your intuition with the hottest, trendiest cocktails money can buy.
Can you smell it pisces? No, not the gin–you frickin lush. The change. perhaps you’ll switch your standard nightcap from a dirty martini to a Gibson martini. Perhaps you might even develop a taste for scotch. But this month ushers in some subtle new beginnings. So subtle you might not feel them, but they are there. Allow yourself time for the unconscious adjustment necessary and thank the universe for this transformative energy by thinking positively and acting deliberately.
translation: ABSINTHE IS DEATH. i was unaware that the reason for absinthe’s demise was the underhanded fault of the french wine industry. makes me dislike those froggies even more. 
